X-MEN #12

“The Origin of Professor X!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Pencils: Alex Toth
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
As the Juggernaut approaches the mansion, Xavier relates his origin. Xavier’s mother married his dead father’s partner, and Charles was bullied by his new step-brother, Cain. Years later, while fighting in Asia, the step-brothers discover a temple. When Cain removes a jewel, he is transformed into a monster, and a cave-in traps him. Charles escapes, but knows Cain will recover and come after him. Back in the present, Juggernaut defeats the X-Men and confronts the hapless Xavier.

WHAT’S HOT
LOOK THAT UP IN YOUR FUNK & WAGNALLS! By definition, a juggernaut cannot be stopped. He has no Achilles heel, which leaves me wondering how this is all going to turn out.

YELLOW: GOOD. When the light becomes very bright, the art effectively portrays not only the brightness, but also an eerie, menacing mood. Nice!

TWO-FER. This is an origin story, so…yay! Because I always love a good origin story. And not only that, but it’s actually two origin stories in one: both Professor X and our new villain, the Juggernaut. But then…sigh…the more I read, the more problems crop up. So, let’s move on to the “Nots.”

WHAT’S NOT
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! My first objection to this origin story is the way it’s being told, in bits and pieces whenever the danger abates just the tiniest bit. Is Professor X’s story the prime-time show…or the commercials? The storytelling feels so artificial and disjointed.

BS METER ALERT #1. Professor X may have Cerebro, but I possess a finely tuned BS Meter, and I’m going to use it. After young Charles becomes aware he can read minds, he STILL accepts a ride from the hateful Cain, in hopes that accepting Cain’s offer will make them better friends. Huh? First of all, generally speaking, offering someone a ride when they need it is more likely to score friendship points than simply accepting one. More importantly, you don’t have to read minds to know that Cain has absolutely zero interest in being friends with his little runt of a step-brother. Even I don’t need ESP to figure that one out! But Charles can read minds, so…there’s no excuse.

BS METER ALERT #2. Cain is losing control of the car and it’s about to go over the cliff, and as Prof. X remembers it, “I had used my own mental power to help Cain leap to safety!” Okay, color me confused but…what “mental power” does Charles possess that can “help Cain leap to safety”? But even more than that, why in the world would he risk his own life to save a jerk like Cain, who’s done nothing but cause him grief for years on end? If Charles was saving the life of his beloved fiancé, I might buy this—at least I would buy that he would try to save his fiancé. But there’s no reason for him to put his own life at risk to save the likes of Cain. It doesn’t make sense, so I’m here and now accusing the adult Charles Xavier of looking at the past through rose-colored glasses, in order to make himself come out looking like a freakin’ saint!

UH…DUH! Why does Prof. X, in the last panel, when he finally comes face to face with the Juggernaut, exclaim in surprise, “Then…it’s true! Cain Marko HAS become a human juggernaut!” It makes me wonder, the whole time he’s been telling the various installments of this origin story, whether or not he really believed what he was saying. One of the X-Men, upon seeing the Juggernaut, might have exclaimed, “Then…it’s true!” It wouldn’t have actually been cool for one of them to doubt what the Prof. is telling them, but it’s even less cool for Xavier to doubt his own story.

THE UN-SECRET. In issue #7, the point is made that only Scott knows about Cerebro, but then in issue #10, Professor X blabs about it. And now, on the splash of issue #12, Scott is once again claiming, “No one is supposed to know about the Professor’s Cerebro machine!” Yet, he was standing right there in issue #10 when the professor said, “If he were a true mutant, my sensitive Cerebro machine would have recorded his presence.” Well, which is it?

ASIAN X. I’m unhappy with the artistic portrayal of Prof. X in this issue. In almost every panel, with his high eyebrows and slanted eyes, he looks more like an Asian than the little blonde-haired boy he once was. There’s no credit for “art” in this issue—just inking by Vince Coletta, and pencils by Alex Toth. So, which one of them decided to portray Xavier as an Asian? Or is this simply a matter of too many cooks spoiling the broth?

“If only I dared TELL them I can read their minds!
But…they’d HATE me for it!”
— Charles Xavier

STRANGE TALES #134

“The Challenge of the Watcher!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Bob Powell
Inks: Wallace Wood
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
The Watcher appears at the Baxter Building and warns Thing and Torch that Kang has travelled back to Camelot and tricked King Arthur and his knights into exile. Realizing that if Kang changes history, the twntieth century as they know will cease to exist, Ben and Johnny follow Kang into the past. While Thing battles Kang’s giant mechanical construct, Torch frees the captured Merlin, who rallies the Knights of the Round Table. The heroes defeat Kang and restore Arthur to the throne.

WHAT’S HOT
GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE. I’ve been reading comics long enough now that I’ve developed favorite artists and letterers, and in this story, Bob Powell and Wallace Wood do not disappoint!

HERE AND NOW. At first, I’m confused when the Watcher says, “Even as I speak to you, I can observe (Kang) carrying out his plan”…in the past! So…does the Watcher exist in all times at once? A few pages later he confirms, “Time and Space are all the same to the Watcher.”

NEVER ENOUGH. Why do I suspect that as soon as Kang gets control of planet Earth, he’s going to set his sights on the entire universe? Sure enough, the moment he gets what he wants, he pouts, “I’m STILL not satisfied!” Spoken like a true super-villain!

WHAT’S NOT
WIGGLE WORDS. The Watcher says, “Although I am forbidden to meddle in the affairs of others, I CAN tell you…” How is the imparting of information not interfering? He constantly says he must never “interfere,” yet in this story, he issues a challenge to Torch and Thing. How is this not interfering? Then he literally sends Torch and Thing back to the past. Ummm…how is that not interfering?!

BUTTERFLY EFFECT. As Kang shifts the sands of time, he is not taking into consideration that though he may shape a world with no Fantastic Four or Avengers, he could also be allowing for much more powerful superheroes that will instantly crush him like a bug.

OATHKEEPERS, PART 1. The Knights of the Round Table make a deal with Kang, pledging to never return from exile until Kang permits it. They seal this oath with the words, “A Knight of the Table never breaks his solemn word!” This must be some strange new definition of the word “Never,” because several pages later, when Merlin returns, he easily spurs them to action against Kang. The Knights surround and attack him, and we can only assume Kang did not go to where they were in exile, they must have brought the fight to him.

THE PRIME RE-DIRECTIVE. I’ve never been a big fan of the Star Trek Prime Directive. It’s simply a MacGuffin to put up a roadblock to drive the plot. As soon as the plot is headed in the direction the creators desire, they forget all about the Prime Directive. Stan could have done very well writing stories for the Star Trek universe.

“Okay, okay! We get the message!
It’s time for Torchy ’n me to save the world again, huh?
And we probably gotta do it before dinnertime, too!”
— Thing

“Earth Be My Battleground”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Strange arrives back on Earth and visits the dying Ancient One. While in a coma, the Ancient One mentions “Eternity,” but Strange can find no reference to Eternity in the Master’s library. Hounded by Mordo’s astral agents, Strange battles Mordo on the astral plane. Meanwhile, hoping to distract Dormammu, the white-haired girl weakens the barrier protecting the Dark Dimension from the Mindless Ones. Dormammu withdraws his power from Mordo, allowing Stephen to escape, but Dormammu blames Mordo for the failure.

WHAT’S HOT
TAKE ONE AMULET BATH AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING. Doctor Strange initiates healing for the Ancient One via the mystical energy of his amulet. Wouldn’t it be cool if magic was real, and healing was this easy?

PRETTY IN PINK. The girl with the crazy white hair is wearing a different top than she has in past appearances. So I guess they have “fashion” in the Dark Dimension?

RISK ASSESSMENT. The girl with the crazy white hair is willing to risk the destruction of her own world in order to help the noble earthling, Doctor Strange. She either has complete confidence in Dormammu’s ability to manage the Mindless Ones, or a giant crush on Stephen.

ATOMIC ART. According to this story, the atomic energy at the sun’s core can bring about a chemical change. I’m not a scientist, and I didn’t really pay a lot of attention in my science classes in school, so I have no idea if this is accurate, but I know enough to enjoy the red, white and black depiction of the unseen atomic energy.

CHICKEN! Doctor Strange is willing to risk his own life by flying too close to the sun. He challenges Mordo to a game of “Chicken” …and as someone who has decided he has nothing to lose, easily wins.

SECRET WEAPON. Mordo tells Dormammu that Strange had “the secret of survival in the sun’s core.” However, there was nothing magical about that secret, it was simply…COURAGE!

WHAT’S NOT
CTRL-F. It’s hard to believe that the Wizard’s entire library of mystical books contains not even one reference to “Eternity.”

IT WORKS WHEN YOU WORK IT. Dr. Strange chastises himself for forgetting to dissolve a spell which later makes him visible to one of Mordo’s spirit spies. How careless of him, and almost unforgivable, except that he later overcomes this faux pas and wins the day.

OATHKEEPERS, PART 2. Dormammu reasons that if he can get his henchman Mordo to eliminate Dr. Strange, “Once he is gone, I’ll be free of my oath.” Is that really how Oaths work? Or only here in the Dark Dimension, and only in the mind of an evil ruler such as Dormammu?

WHO’S MINDING THE DEVICE? The girl with the crazy white hair seizes a device capable of weakening the barrier that holds back the Mindless Ones. As we’ve learned before, she is the daughter of one of Dormamu’s closest disciples, but even so, she should not have so easily been able to accomplish such a high level security breach.

“And now I must lose myself in the night,
as I begin—the search for ETERNITY!”
— Doctor Strange

TALES OF SUSPENSE #67

“Here Walk the Villains!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Don Heck
Inks: Mickey Demeo
Letters: Sam Rosen
Reader: Me!

IN A NUTSHELL
Seeking revenge against the Avengers, Count Nefaria–now known as the Master of Dreams–plants dreams in Iron Man’s mind to fool him into thinking that his enemies are attacking him, believing that if Iron Man dies in a dream, he dies in real life. In his dream, Iron Man battles Unicorn, Jack Frost, Melter and others, but once he realizes it’s a dream, it short-circuits Nefaria’s machine. Meanwhile, Pepper convinces Happy to return to the fold.

WHAT’S HOT
THIS IS! SO COOL! Count Nefaria becomes “The Master! Of Dreams!” The letterer got so excited, he put an extra exclamation point right in the middle of the name of this newly transformed villain. Or was it the writer who insisted on this unconventional moniker, in order to make the Master’s powers sound more amazing! than they really are?

BEGORRA! At least Happy got to visit his grandpa.

POTTS PUTS IT RIGHT. And the punchline of this story is that by convincing Happy to come home, Pepper does what Iron Man could not. Sometimes a problem simply needs a woman’s touch. And she doesn’t even have to make a trans-Atlantic flight—either in the cabin of the plane, or magnetically stuck to the wing. All she has to do is pick up the phone.

WHAT’S NOT
KEEP ROLLING THE TAPE. The Master of Dreams can see Iron Man “focused dead-center” on his “world-wide electro-scanner.” Which makes me wonder…if he simply keeps watching just a little longer, won’t he eventually see Iron Man remove his helmet and reveal himself as Tony Stark?

MACHIAVELLI MUCH? Do Machiavellian characters actually call themselves Machiavellian?

“Would a character in a dream
TELL someone that he too is in a dream?”
— Iron Man

“Lest Tyranny Triumph!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Frank Ray
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Drugged by the Red Skull, Captain America leads a squadron of German soldiers on a training mission to assassinate America’s top military commander. Meanwhile, Bucky escapes from the clutches of the German army and attempts to rescue Cap. At the headquarters of the third reich, the Skull impresses Hitler with the hypnotized Cap, and the Skull sends Cap on his mission, unaware that Bucky has stowed aboard the plane. At Army HQ, Cap enters the general’s quarters, but hesitates. A German soldier helps Cap fire the gun.

WHAT’S HOT
EXPECTATIONS MET. I knew Cap would snap out of it in time…if he wasn’t already faking it.

BRAVE BUCKY. He may just be a little guy, but in this story, Bucky’s courage is as big as his heart and he gets the job done.

CLIFFHANGER. Who shot the General? Tune in next time, folks…

WHAT’S NOT
MARVEL, VE HAFF A PROBLEM! Distorted spellings meant to evoke German accents are extremely distracting in this story. This just doesn’t work in the printed media. First of all, it’s unlikely the German soldiers are actually speaking in English. But even more disturbing, a quick look back to the previous issue reveals that earlier, not only the soldiers, but Hitler himself, had a much less pronounced accent! And even though Red Skull is apparently born and bred in the Fatherland, for some odd reason he doesn’t exhibit the slightest hint of accent! So, rather than bringing me into the story, this phonetic attempt at “realism” only drove me further out of it.

PHOTO SHOOT. When Cap shoots a photo of a top American military commander “without flinching—without hesitation!” Red Skull jumps to the faulty conclusion that Cap is now willing to kill the man himself. Skull is either underestimating Cap’s spirit, or overestimating his own influence. For a villain to display this degree of incompetence, it’s amazing that Red Skull has risen as high as he has, in an organization on the brink of world domination.

“Hah! It iss not often ve haff a chance to shoot somevon in costume!”
— German soldier

TALES TO ASTONISH #69

“Trapped in the Lair of the Leader!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Mickey Demeo
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
The Leader orders his robot minions to carry the Hulk to his spaceship, while the Navy watches from offshore. The admiral orders a landing party, which rescues Maj. Talbot. Talbot believes that the Hulk and Banner worked together to steal the absorbatron. Later, at the Leader’s hideout, Hulk reverts to Banner, who sends out a distress signal. Gen. Ross leads an attack on the Leader’s base. The Leader escapes, but Hulk, overcome by smoke, reverts to Banner. Talbot finds Banner, who has no pulse.

WHAT’S HOT
TEAM HULK. Rick Jones decides his loyalty must now lie completely with Bruce Banner, not Captain America and the Avengers. Of course, in Avengers #17, the last time we saw Rick, he was more than a little ticked off that these “Johnny come-latelys” made it into the Avengers before he did. Could this be a clean break, the last time we see Jones hanging around Avengers Mansion, hoping against hope that one day he’ll be chosen to wear that giant “A” across his chest?

DÉJÀ VU. Speaking of Avengers #17, as I was reading this Hulk story, I felt a strange sensation that I had seen this image of Hulk floating around in outer space somewhere before. When I mentioned it to Russ, he directed me back to Avengers #17, where lo and behold, the exact same image is represented! If these comics weren’t all being done by the same people, I’d be crying “plagiarism!” But as it is, what we have here is a clever chronology. Not only does this image appear in both issues, but two additional panels also appear in both issues! (Confused yet?) I was only mildly confused, and when I saw what was going on, I realized that when I read Avengers #17, I sort of stupidly glossed over all the panels that showed me what was going on with Hulk, since he wasn’t really a part of the story I was reading. But now I’m beginning to see the bigger picture!

WHAT’S NOT
NO ROOM FOR ERROR. The Leader is supposed to be this super-intellect, as smart as Hulk is strong. And yet, with all the clues before him, he can’t figure out that Banner and Hulk are one and the same. If super-brain can’t figure this out, who can??

HUNKY HULKY. As drawn by Jack Kirby, Bruce Banner looks awfully hunky with his shirt off. This is a much different look than we got with the artistic depictions of Steve Ditko in the earlier issues. I’m not on board with Banner looking like he’s on his way to an audition for Chippendales. When this guy turns into Hulk, the transformation is not as dramatic as when nerdy Ditko Banner does it. You lose some of the dramatic impact. Was this a decision made on the editorial level or simply by the artist?

I WONDER
THE END??? The story ends with Banner not breathing and Talbot pronouncing him dead. WHAT!!?? Can it be?? From my vantage point in history, I’m not too worried, but I wonder how dramatic and disturbing this was for the readers of the day. No better reason to “Tune in next time, folks!”

“I don’t give a tinker’s hoot if it’s coincidence or not!”
— Gen. Ross

“Oh, Wasp, Where Is Thy Sting?”
Script: Al Hartley
Pencils: Bob Powell
Inks: John Giunta
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
The Top escapes with Wasp, and Giant-Man is powerless to stop him. The Top takes Wasp to his lab, where he pines over her. Top show Jan the traps he has prepared for Giant-Man, believing that when he defeats Hank, Jan will fall in love with him. Meanwhile, Giant-Man uses Jan’s wasp to lead him to the Top’s hideout, but every time Top tries to spring a trap, Wasp interferes, saving Hank. Disappointed, Top tries to freeze them both, but they survive by shrinking, and escape to defeat him.

WHAT’S HOT
THE GIRL’S GOT SPUNK. Even after suffering Vortex Vertigo at 6500 RPMs, the moment she’s conscious, Wasp puts Top in his place with, “You arrogant fiend! The only way I’ll serve you is on a platter!” She’s not going to let a little thing like being kidnapped rob her of her feisty spirit! And furthermore, while Giant-Man sits around moping and wondering what he can possibly do to rescue her, Wasp herself, while in captivity, initiates the plan that leads to ultimate success.

GIRL UNDERESTIMATED. Top underestimates Jan at every turn. First, he commits the classic villain mistake of explaining his entire plan to her. Then, he leaves Jan unguarded, so she can attack him just as he’s pulling the lever, messing up his “split-second” timing. He even has a door into the pit which she easily opens. He calls her “my helpless beauty,” when clearly she is not helpless! What is clear, is that he never considered the spunky Wasp would be bold enough to take matters into her own hands.

VILLAIN UNHINGED. Top off this all with the classically clueless line of a super villain who believes that once he has destroyed his victim’s beloved, that will be the catalyst for making her realize how great he is, how much he deserves her loyalty, and perhaps, one day, even her love. This disconnect from the reality of how human relationships work should make us pity Top as much as despise him. And yet, I can’t find it in my heart to offer him any pity or sympathy. Which makes me feel like a bad person! (Thanks a lot, Marvel!)

WHAT’S NOT
STING. The narrator notes that when Giant-Man laments, “Oh Wasp, where is thy sting?” the title of the story comes “from these most poignant lines in comicdom.” However, unless there’s something I don’t know, this is clearly a rip-off of 1st Corinthians 15:55. I would be okay with Marvel doing a version of this famous quote from the New Testament, but trying to claim it for “comicdom” without giving credit where credit is due rubs me the wrong way. My background in journalism gives me a stronger than usual distaste for plagiarism, but even moreso, it should go without saying, but I guess I’ll have to say it…you should never steal from God. Poorly handled.

STRIKE. Top strikes Wasp, and the narrator feels compelled to say “if the Human Top had ANY admirers at all, he has certainly lost them by this ungallant behavior.” First, is it really possible that in the “few million readers” claimed a couple of panels earlier, there is actually anyone who “admires” this villain? I suppose there could be people like that—but if so, are they likely going to care if he hits a girl? I think people who “admire” villains would only increase their admiration of those villains who commit violence against women. Or is this whole bit purely sarcastic, tongue in cheek, and I’m being too 2021 politically correct and taking this way too seriously?

RETIREMENT? At the end of the story, the narrator suggests Giant-Man may be going into “retirement.” I don’t see it that way. If anything, I’d guess Hank is planning to send Jan into super-heroine retirement by marrying her. It’s about time! (For them to get married, I mean. Not for Jan to give up being the Wasp!)

“Let Giant-Man come!
Surely, when you have seen the ease with which I dispose of him,
you will not question that I am invincible among men!”
— Human Top

FANTASTIC FOUR #40

“The Battle of the Baxter Building”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Daredevil teams up with the Fantastic Four in storming the Baxter Building, hoping to recover it from Doctor Doom. Without their powers, the FF have to overcome the security systems that they themselves had installed. While Daredevil battles Doom in distraction, the FF ascend the building, arriving just as Daredevil blacks out. Reed locates the stimulator which he uses to restore the FF’s powers, over Ben’s objections. Now as the Thing, Ben defeats Doom singlehandedly, but then quits the FF.

WHAT’S HOT
BOOMERANG. It’s a fun concept that the FF are having their own inventions used against them.

BRAINS VS. BRAWN. Doom boldly proclaims, “Brute strength can never triumph against the power of supremely harnessed SCIENCE!” And then, a few pages later, Thing does just that.

PRETTY. Sue is lookin’ good! Kirby did a good job in this issue.

WHAT’S NOT
BUT WAIT! THERE’S SOMETHING WE DIDN’T TELL YOU…The unfortunately named “Electronic Stimulator” can apparently save the Four from the predicament of losing their powers, which happened in the previous issue. If so, why are we only hearing about it now? Reed tries to rectify this oversight with the explanation that it was not yet done re-charging…until NOW. Well, okay…I guess…but…hmmm…no, not really. For something this important, he should have spoken up sooner.

OVERKILL. Between Reed Richards and Doctor Doom, there is no end of amazing inventions and weapons, leading to cinematically action-packed adventure happening so quickly it makes your head spin. The whole thing reeks worse than a Harry Potter Battle of the Magic Wands. Or…dare I say it?…an epic CGI monster fight at the end of some of the most recent MCU blockbusters.

SPIDEY, IS THAT YOU? Daredevil calls him “Doomsie” and also makes a reference to “booties.” I have to wonder if Stan got his scripts mixed up and thought he was writing Amazing Spider-Man.

SECOND SIGHT? Daredevil’s billy club is also a gun that has a “sight” for aiming at a target. Why would Daredevil need a “sight” on a gun?

I MEANT TO DO THAT! When Daredevil sends out a length of nylon cable to capture Doom, Doom says, “I KNEW you were there!” Doom’s takedown reminds me so strongly of PeeWee Herman’s self-assured announcement when he unceremoniously catapults off his bicycle. It’s all a little silly.

EASY DOES IT THERE, FELLA! See how easily I count how many times Doctor Doom brags “See how easily…” (3), and “How easy it was…” (1), and “How easy for a brain like me…” (1). All super villains do this, but Doom is laying it on pretty thick in this issue. Am I sensing a deep-rooted inferiority complex?

TOYING. Doom also uses the word “toying” twice, but to be fair, one of the FF also employs this term…but conveniently off-screen, since they are probably embarrassed to let anyone know they are actually resorting to super villain terminology.

MORAL DILEMMA. Ben considers that he may not want to go back to being Thing. He recognizes the moral dilemma he faces: do what is right to save his friends and the world, or entertain the possibility that they can do it without him, and he can go back to his normal looks and normal life? Of course, he doesn’t have the opportunity to ponder the question too long, since Reed takes that choice away from him. And that’s the real moral dilemma.

JUSTICE…DELAYED. Reed thinks that shattering Doom’s ego, breaking his pride, is punishment enough. “We’re not murderers,” he says. Okay, I understand that…to a point. But there has to be some repercussions for Doom’s constant villainy beyond, “Well, we broke his spirit, that’s good enough.” When does the villain get justice? After everything Doom’s pulled, when IS it okay to kill him?

“Mister, maybe I’m just too DUMB to collapse—too ugly to die!”
— Thing

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #26

“The Man in the Crime-Master’s Mask!”
Script: Stan Lee
Plot: Steve Ditko
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
The Crime-Master rejects the Green Goblin’s offer of a partnership, claiming he can take over the crime syndicates without help. The next day, Peter argues with Betty over Mary Jane—a girl he’s never met—and later, he gets into a brawl with Flash. That afternoon, wearing a replacement costume that he bought from a costume shop, Peter searches Fred Foswell’s apartment, where he encounters Crime-Master, and they battle to a draw. Later, the Goblin captures Spidey and presents him to the assembled gangs, in a bid to overthrow Crime-Master.

WHAT’S HOT
FAMILIARITY. In this issue, Peter is now thinking of JJJ as “Jonah,” which is not only awfully familiar, but also reveals a lack of respect. Which he really should have developed for Jameson over the first 25 issues, so…yeah! It’s about time!

NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES. The good guy’s best friend is that the nature of the Villain assures that if there are more than one, they will eventually knock each other off, making the superhero’s job that much easier.

WHAT’S NOT
LOWEST POINT. Probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen in Marvel Comics is a superhero searching for his costume in a trash can.

COME AND GET ME!! Immediately after Spidey notes that he “should have known” Foswell wouldn’t leave anything incriminating laying about his apartment, he notices a wall calendar with a picture of the waterfront marked off.

BURNING THE CANDL AT BOTH ENDS. When does Foswell sleep? He doesn’t have any actual superpowers that enable him to continue to work as a newspaper reporter by day and crime boss by night, so I’m imagining at some point this is all going to catch up with him and he’ll slip up, either by day or by night, from sheer exhaustion.

PROCESS OF ELIMINATION. Peter deduces, “He’s not Green Goblin, not anyone I know…so that leaves the Crime-Master!” Which reminds me of that old joke: “Oh! So you’re from Australia? Do you know Tom?”

CAPERS, ANYONE? A gangster laments, “We haven’t been able to pull a caper…” and I’m wondering, is that really a word a gangster would use? Later, another says, “He must have the goods on us,” which sounds like something from a 1930’s film noir, so…okay. Even “my mob” could pass for actual gangster vernacular, but “caper” just doesn’t sound like something gangsters would actually say.

WHICH WHICH? Speaking of things people wouldn’t actually say, what’s with all these “whiches”?

• Crime-Master tells a rival mob boss “Look out your window at your car which is downstairs”
• Spider-Man muses “He’s the one who built the robot with which Jonah tried to defeat me.”
• Peter thinks about “the other Spidey costume which Jonah Jameson had.”

Let’s clean that up a bit, to: “Spidey costume Jameson had.” And then, could we even go so far as to try “had taken,” since we’re not aware that Jameson doesn’t actually still HAVE the costume? And finally, how about: “Spidey costume Jameson has”? (Sigh…would I be better off if I spent as much time simply enjoying the story, as I do indulging my Inner English Major?)

“Being Spider-Man is just plain habit-forming!
It’s like going out with girls! I Can’t give it up!”
— Spider-Man

AVENGERS #18

“When the Commissar Commands!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Don Heck
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
While Cap ponders his future and Hawkeye designs new arrows, Wanda enjoys the theater, and Pietro visits the circus. Meanwhile, in Sin-Cong, the evil Commissar brutalizes his subjects. Seeking publicity for destroying the Avengers, the Commissar baits them into a trap. The Avengers answer the challenge and fly to Sin-Cong to battle the Commissar. He defeats the Avengers in individual combat, but Wanda uses her hex power to reveal that the Commissar was actually a robot designed by China, freeing the people of Sin-Cong.

WHAT’S HOT
PAGING ALL AVENGERS! Each new Avenger has a piece of jewelry that doubles as a pager, sending them the “Avengers, Assemble!” summons when needed. I’m sure Tony Stark devised these gizmos, and it sure does beat having to write a message in the sky with smoke or fire.

GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH. The circus makes another appearance! It’s been a while since I’ve even heard a mention of a circus in a Marvel Comic, much less actually gone to the Big Top, but here we are again, courtesy of Quicksilver’s fascination with trapeze artists.

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE EGOTIST! The Commissar wants to batter each Avenger, one on one. Outwardly he says it’s so the townspeople may witness “how weak and inferior you capitalists really are,” but you know that the real reason is to show himself as superior.

FEMALES, ASSEMBLE! I like the fact that once again it is a girl that gets the job done. This month, we see Jan save Hank from the Top, and Pepper save the day with her dialing finger. And how many times has Sue Storm protected the Fantastic Three with her force field? Marvel is letting the ladies have their moment in the sun in the service of novelty and plot twist, but I wonder if at the time, they were aware that they were paving the road for the super-heroine?

WHAT’S NOT
NO REST FOR THE WEARY. The entire first page is devoted to Cap lamenting his situation: he’s on call, basically 24/7, he has no personal life, he hates mooching off Tony Stark, and he’s simply done with the Avengers, hoping Nick Fury will hire him. I’m not used to seeing such a despondent Captain America. It rattled me a little. I’m hoping he’ll feel happier in the next issue.

PURE OF HEART? Cap is doubling up on his motivation. Yes, he wants to help Sin-Cong, but he also sees this job as a “stepping stone” for getting in with Fury’s organization. Again, not something I would expect from Captain America. His motives should be pure, and not self-serving in any way. I repeat: rattled.

WE ARE THE WORLD. I was also disappointed with Wanda and Pietro for questioning Cap’s assignment of their international mission. As immigrants, I would have thought them on board with helping other countries. I understand, of course, that this is just a set-up for Hawkeye to jump in with his good-guy speech, so that Cap can commend him for it later, and Hawkeye can reply with an unappreciative “Stow it, pal!” But while the second half of this equation may work for the Cap/Hawkeye storyline, the first half suffers in portraying our Eastern European friends as less than sympathetic to the problems of the world.

WHAT’S IN A NAME? The Communist ruled puppet state is called “Sin-Cong.” I know it’s an imaginary place, somewhere in the far east, so I get the “Cong,” but I wonder if “Sin” was added in just to make it sound more evil and menacing?

STUNNING! BUT NOT DEADLY. Why does the Commissar knock them out and stun them, but not kill them? It appears he has the power to do so. The external story reason is that you can’t kill off all the Avengers, or there’ll be no more comics to sell. Internally, I guess you could say he wants to reserve the triumph of fighting and beating them yet again. Does that make sense?

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! Can you read this story and not think of The Wizard of Oz?

“How come it’s always YOU??
What do you want—a team of Avengers, or a cheering gallery?”
— Hawkeye