FANTASTIC FOUR #12: When Superheroes Collide

Published: March, 1963

So here we are, at FF #12. It’s taken me about eight months to cover a little more than a year’s worth of comics. Hmmmm…. Let’s think about this…. (does some frantic scribbling) If I don’t pick up the pace, I’ll be ninety years old before Peter Parker graduates from college. With this in mind, I’ve made an executive decision to be more selective in choosing which books to review. The new plan is to record comments only when something big and important happens in the Marvel Universe.

Now don’t misunderstand! I’m not losing interest in comics—no, very much the opposite! The only thing I enjoy more than writing about Marvel comics is actually reading them. This new strategy gives me the oppotunity to move forward in that regard, so that I can learn what happens to Aunt May before I actually look like her.

But have no fear! If you’re coming to this blog as a student of the history of Marvel Comics, my “Meanwhile…” posts will continue to document the complete catalog.

Now, having said all that, I can’t let this issue of Fantastic Four slip by. In this story, the FF meet the Incredible Hulk! Not only that, they also meet General “Thunderbolt” Ross! And Bruce Banner! And Rick Jones!! So, if you are a fan of crossovers (which I am), this issue is outstanding!

ANTICIPATION
The cover proclaims “AT LAST! The FF meet the The Hulk!” At last? Before this, there have only been 11 issues of FF and five of Hulk. Is it really so unusual they haven’t met before this? Besides, the FF reside on the East Coast, and Hulk generally lurks about in the Southwest. So they weren’t likely to meet at the grocery store, Starbucks, or during an evening’s entertainment at the symphony.

But in fact, the symphony is the unlikely beginning to this clash of titans tale. The first thing we notice (beside Alicia’s new hairstyle) is that Thing becomes highly insulted when the military mistakes him for Hulk. That was pretty funny. Don’t you think Thing should consider it a compliment, since it’s his super-strength that leads to the misunderstanding?

But no. In characteristically bad humor, Thing defies the US Army, but upon returning to FF HQ, he finds General “Thunderbolt” Ross imploring the FF to assist in capturing the Hulk. The boys are eager to jump on board, but Sue apparently doesn’t harbor the same animosity towards Hulk.

Yet, in typical 1960’s fashion, Sue is consoled (or is it…patronized?) with the statement that a pretty young lady can always be of help just by keeping up the men’s morale.

You go, Sue! Right?

ONWARD AND UPWARDS!
Anyway, the Four take to their flying bathtu—oops! Pardon me, I mean the Fantasticar—which is newly redesigned. We learn that when fans from all over the country wrote in, complaining about the “flying bathtub,” Johnny was motivated to use his garage smarts to give the Fantasticar a groovy, new makeover. Again, the readers influence the story!

Offering General Ross a lift in the Fantasticar, they travel to the Southwest to meet with super-nerdy scientist Dr. Bruce Banner, his sidekick Rick, and new assistant, Dr. Karl Kort. The brainiacs meet to hammer out a plan to capture Hulk. Afterwards, Thing scares the bejeezus out of Kort…well, at least he scares the wallet out of his pants pocket.

Rick Jones finds the wallet and quickly discovers that Kort is actually a card-carrying member of the Communist Party. Literally. Kort was carrying his Communist Party Membership Card in his wallet. On a US military base. In his wallet. In his pants pocket. Really.

Kort takes Rick prisoner, so while the FF make plans to capture Hulk, Banner transforms to Hulk, making plans to rescue his trusty sidekick.

In the end, Thing gets his chance to rumble with Hulk, and also with Kort’s giant robot. The FF track down Kort and hey, guess what? It’s girly-girly Sue who knocks the gun out of Kort’s hand, paving an easy path for Thing to grab the Commie by the collar.

So! Keeping up the men’s morale, eh?

As for Hulk, he’s just relieved that Rick is safe.

As the FF jet off into the sky, Hulk says, “I got a feelin’ this ain’t the last time we’ll meet!” Well, I sort of have that same feeling. At least I hope so, because it’s much more fun when there’s a party. I love seeing all these characters interacting with each other. Anything can happen, and almost anything does:

GENERAL ROSS
Look closely at the panel above and you’ll notice that General Ross, in his frustration, actually says, “Of all the blanketty-blank–!!” I ask you: How funny is that? I think you would have to be pretty darned frustrated to resort to language like “blanketty-blank–!!”

On a more serious note, though, I wonder what it means that Ross has decided to ask the FF for help in capturing Hulk. Is this merely a way to increase the readership of both books, or could it be that Ross is beginning to realize he’s out of ideas? Remember, bombs haven’t worked. What’s next? I suppose when conventional warfare is unsuccessful, it’s time to bring in the big guns: fight superbeings with superbeings!

I also suppose General Ross has been throwing his weight around in the matter of army personnel, because last time he was perturbed that Banner’s assistant was “that insolent teenager,” Rick Jones. Now Banner has a new assistant, and Rick has been demoted to “young helper.”

I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sound like a paying position to me.

KARL KORT
However, let’s stop a moment to consider Rick’s replacement: Karl Kort. The moment I read his name, I called out to Russ: “Hey! Looks like the army has hired another Commie!” Really, I did. I knew this guy was a Commie the moment I met him. I think it was the double K’s that gave it away.

Does the Marvel military ever get any better at their employment screening process?

Kort is assisting Dr. Banner with Project 34, which “would emit electro-magnetic waves, blanketing the area, making any US city completely invulnerable to enemy missiles or rockets.” Cool idea, huh? Why can’t we think up groovy stuff like this in the real world?

But Commie Karl Kort is not really “assisting” Banner at all. Oh no! Instead, he is secretly working to sabotage Banner’s work. Kort is even smart enough to make General Ross think it’s Hulk behind everything that’s gone wrong. Well, maybe you don’t actually have to be a brainaic to do that. For one thing, Hulk is an easy target. Anything goes wrong anywhere…must be the Hulk. I mean, just look at him! And secondly, Ross is predisposed to blame Hulk for everything that’s wrong with the world, from destroyed missile installations to the seeds in his watermelon. You could tell Ross that Hulk is responsible for global warming and he would bellow, “There’s no such blankety-blank thing as global warming! And the Hulk is causing it!”

MENACE AND MAYHEM
When General Ross briefs the FF on Hulk, they are equally convinced of his menace. In fact, Sue is so disturbed by the mere sight of Hulk that she involuntarily begins to disappear! The others want to fight him, and eventually get their chance. Of course, we know from the start that Mr. Fantastic and Torch are not destined to bring down the incredible Hulk, but you have to wonder what might happen if Hulk and Thing get into it. Well, wonder no more!

The only reason we don’t get to the end of this mayhem is because Thing and Sue fall into a hole and encounter Kort and his giant robot, a scene which ends with the aforementioned disarming by invisible Sue, which leads to Kort’s capture. As for Hulk, once he knows that Rick is safe, he leaps away to transform back to Banner.

So you see, no matter what “Thunderbolt” Ross would have you believe about Hulk, deep down he’s really a caring and sensitive soul. In fact, I would say Hulk is probably more caring and sensitive than the General who pursues him. Hulk may grunt and groan, but that’s only because he’s been the victim of a barrage of gamma radiation. Ross, on the other hand, is fond of uttering things like “Harrummph!”, “blanketty-blank–!!” and “A fine kettle of fish this is!” when things are not to his liking. What’s up with that? He can’t fall back on the gamma ray excuse for being a crotchety old curmudgeon when things don’t go his way. No, I think he’s just a crotchety old curmudgeon when things don’t go his way.

As Banner and Richards take leave of each other, there is a hint that Reed may indeed know about (or at least suspect) a connection between Banner and the Hulk. Nice touch! Opens the door for future tales, and makes you wonder what might happen the next time we are lucky enough to find the Four and the Hulk sharing the same pages.

But before that happens, we have lots of other tales to enjoy! These guys have seen a sneak preview of my upcoming column, and you’ll be just as stunned as they are, when it’s out with the old, and in with the new, next time, right here in the Marvelous Zone!