FANTASTIC FOUR #15: What Do Superheroes Want?

Published: June, 1963

Everyone has heard the eternal question, “What do women want?” and some have even attempted to answer that question. I can’t speak for all women, but as for me, I want comfort, security, world peace, butter pecan ice cream…and for Alabama to beat Ohio State in next year’s national championship football game.

But I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here to talk about the Fantastic Four, because in this issue we are handed a long list of endeavors that really put the ram in the ram-a-lama ding dong for each member of our super team. Yeah, yeah, I know this story is about The Thinker and his Awesome Android, but that doesn’t interest me half as much as getting a more intimate peak at the inner workings of our fab four.

FUN TIME
We start the story with a blast from the “4” flare gun, which interrupts some very special “me” time for each of our heroes. Johnny’s on a date with Peggy, a girl who’s clearly in the smooching mood. Sue’s at the beauty parlor, getting a new hairdo. Provoked by the Yancy Street Gang, Thing is fixin’ to wallop them with a bulldozer.

And our leader Reed has been busy in the laboratory, creating life. Yes, you heard me right. Reed Richards has just “managed to create a primitive form of one-celled life which lived for a few seconds.” This is BIG, wouldn’t you say? One step away from being God. Wouldn’t you say??

And yet, all this activity must come to a dead stop so Reed can pop the flare gun and relay the news that he got an urgent message from the Chief of Police: mobsters and gang leaders from all over the country are flocking to New York, and the FF needs to be ready at a moment’s notice to spring into action.

Okay, here’s my question: It’s obvious the FF can gather quickly when called, so why doesn’t Reed wait until something is actually happening before he lets loose with the flare? No good is accomplished by dragging everyone away from fun time for “I’m alerting you that we need to be on the alert.” It just puts everyone in an ornery mood.

THE THINKER
But mobsters and gangsters are indeed gathering, having been summoned by the Thinker. The Thinker strikes me as one arrogant SOB, even more than the other power-mad geniuses we’ve met thus far. He brags and gloats ad nauseum, calling the other thugs “intellectual pigmies!!” [sic] Which…they are. But is this any way to make friends and influence people?

The Thinker envisions himself the emperor of a “Kingdom of Crime,” with the mobsters and gangsters as “crime-enforcement officers.” Here though, I believe he means the exact opposite of what you would think—sounds like these guys won’t be preventing crime, but rather ensuring crimes DO get committed.

Of course, none of this can happen until the Thinker puts the FF out of commission.

With his superior brain and a room full of computers that can predict “everything that ever will happen, down to the last split-second,” the Thinker arranges events to split up the Fantastic Four, enticing each with an irresistible offer.

SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE…
Johnny gets a visit from “Cousin Bones,” whose circus is failing and needs a “real star attraction” to bring back the crowds. “Most any kid in the world would JUMP at a chance to join a circus,” Johnny reasons, and besides, “It sure would be a GAS to meet all those cool circus chicks!” Hey, notice the quotes. I didn’t say these things, Johnny did. Honestly.

Meanwhile, an agent approaches Sue to star in a Broadway show. The fact that she ends up filming a Hollywood movie is beside the point. The point is: Sue cannot resist the lure of the stage.

As for Thing, he is easily goaded into the wrestling ring to fight Fatal Finnegan, the idol of the Yancy Street Gang. (I’m tellin ya…this stuff writes itself…)

And Reed gets an offer from General Electronics LTD to head up their Research Division.

Each struggles momentarily with the conflicting interests of their superheroic duties verses the fulfillment of their personal dreams, but with so many visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, it doesn’t take much in the way of hootenanny shenanigans for the four to decide they need a vacation. Observe:

But wait! Can the FF really just take off in the middle of a crisis? (At least Torch has the presence of mind to remind them: mobsters…gangsters…) No problem! Reed says: “We can always return to home base in a hurry!”

Well, WE already knew that. But now they all agree: Okay! Let’s go!

These new activities are even more attractive than those they were dragged away from earlier. Johnny chooses “cool circus chicks” over the hot babe in the front seat of his car, and Sue is blinded by the bright lights (Broadway or Hollywood, doesn’t matter, she’s so blinded, she has no idea where she is). Thing would rather fight the Yancy Street Gang in the ring than on the streets. Actually, he doesn’t care, he’ll fight anybody, anywhere!

And Reed? Oh Reed… I regret to tell you that, at least for a brief moment in this story, Reed would rather be a bigwig at GE than…GOD.

I’m a bit disappointed in the FF at this point. Putting personal pleasure above the good of the community. Where are their priorities?

LESSONS LEARNED
Well, I guess the rules of storytelling dictate that they must go through all this, so they can each learn this lesson: be careful what you wish for, because you just…might…get it. And sure enough, in no time at all, each tires of what they thought was their “dream job,” and longs to be back home with the others.

They return, band together, fight the Thinker, his thugs, and the Awesome Android—which wasn’t all that awesome—and all’s well that ends well.

THE X FACTOR
There’s a cute bit where Reed taunts the Thinker with the fact that he didn’t expect the unexpected—or, as Reed calls it, “The X-Factor.” There’s a TV show now called The X Factor, which, from what I understand, is extremely similar to American Idol. I sometimes used to watch American Idol. One of my favorite moments from that show was when Clay Aiken sang “Grease,” wearing a red leather jacket, and then a few years later, Danny Gokey sang “Dream On,” originally recorded by Aerosmith. Of course, the best version I’ve ever heard of that song was when Neil Patrick Harris guest starred on Glee and sang it with Matthew Morrison.

AH HA!!! I’ll bet you didn’t EXPECT me to go off on a tangent that would include ten references to popular culture all within a single paragraph!

Of course, if you’ld expected it, then it wouldn’t be “unexpected.” Same goes for the Thinker.

The moral of this story, folks, is that old favorite: the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. And if you ever want to find your heart’s desire, you don’t need to look any further than your own backyard. Because…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home! Sure, we all have dreams and desires, but when push comes to shove, nothing is better than being with the people you love.

UNIFORMS
So we discover that what the Fantastic Four want most is to be together, fighting crime and serving their community. C’mon! Did you really expect anything else?

But here’s a little side issue that surprised me. Within this story, there are two complaints about their uniforms!

First, when they are all heading out to “do their own thing,” Sue exclaims, “At last I can dress the way I’ve always wanted to!” Is Sue saying she wants to dress like a star? Or perhaps: “Hallelujah! At last I can get out of that dreaded blue uniform!”

Then later, when they return from their “vacations,” Reed observes that it feels wonderful to be back in the harness, and “If you ever hear me knock these uniforms again, just…” So this tells me Reed has “knocked” the uniforms before. I don’t recall that happening, do you? Maybe it took place behind the scenes. But clearly, he is also not happy with the uniforms.

Thing and Torch? Well, the former in blue underwear and the latter spends most of his time in flames, so I guess they don’t have much to say about it. But as for Reed and Sue: Uncomfortable? Unattractive? Or are they simply tired of wearing the same outfit on a constant basis?

I wouldn’t doubt it if Sue wished she could somehow fight crime in a Christian Dior evening gown—though, if that were the case, she probably would never want to turn invisible! And maybe Reed has been attending the cinema and seen James Bond saving the world in a tuxedo and longs for that same sense of style?

RANDOM
To close up, here are some totally random observations:

We’ve had a glimpse into the inner workings of our heroes. While it was fun, I don’t suppose we really learned much about them we didn’t already know—except for Johnny and Sue having a “Cousin Bones” who runs a circus. That sure came out of left field! I wonder if we’ll ever see him again? There are story possibilities in having a cousin that runs a circus, don’t you think? Guess I’ll have to check the Marvel Chronology Project to find out!

I was tickled to finally get a glimpse of the Yancy Street Gang. Though “glimpse” is probably a bit generous. Arms and hands wagging over the side of a building. I wonder if we’ll ever actually meet the gang, or if they’ll remain a mystery, sort of like Heather Sinclair on DeGrassi, or Tim’s neighbor Wilson on the other side of the fence.

I was also amused when General Electronics finds the scientific genius to head their research division…on the cover of a comic book!! I know the Marvel Universe is a different world, where “comic mags” enjoy a much greater level of respect. Still, it’s funny.

When gangster Blackie Skarr doesn’t agree with the Thinker’s plan and says he’s “cuttin’ out!” the Thinker replies, “Naturally! I knew you would!” (There’s that arrogance I was talking about earlier.) And the Thinker also knows that in 18 seconds, the Feds will pick up Skarr as he leaves the building. Question: if the Feds are 18 seconds away from the Thinker and the other crime bosses, how stupid are they not to search the building? The Police Chief alerted the FF that the gangsters and mobsters were congregating in NYC. Did someone forget to tell the Feds that where you find one, the rest can’t be far behind?

We know that in the past Sue has been distraught about not getting the same respect as the other members of the team, and Reed has jumped to her defense with a monologue about Abraham Lincoln’s mother. I don’t guess that did the trick, though, because it seems Stan still feels compelled to go out of his way to remind the readers that Sue has something valuable to offer. Even if it’s simply a “sensitive touch.”

Speaking of Sue, I got a kick out of this: When the Thinker reveals himself to the FF, Sue gives us her best Charlie Brown imitation and exclaims, “Good grief! another power-mad genius for us to contend with!” Yeah, I know what you mean, Sue. It’s tough being the only super-powered female in a world full of testosterone-crazed villains & superheroes.

But never fear, Sue! You won’t be alone for long! Next time, here in the Marvelous Zone, we’ll meet a new superheroine who brings not only a “sensitive touch,” but also a little bit of sting and style to the never-ending fight against evil.