TALES OF SUSPENSE #43: Villainess!

Published: July, 1963

When I saw this cover, I immediately recognized it as the background Russ is currently using on the Chronology Project forum. I’ve seen a lot of it recently as Russ and I have now started a forum connected to our other website, collinsport.net, which hosts the Drawing Room Podcast about the original Dark Shadows TV show. Starting up the Dark Shadows forum, the Chronology Project forum has been in my line of vision, so I instantly recognized the image from the cover and felt a warm sense of familiarity.

And on top of that, I was delighted to discover that I have finally run into the first Marvel villainess, Kala, Queen of the Netherworld!

As most Marvel stories do, this one begins with a crisis, which Iron Man easily snuffs out. Immediately after, Tony Stark decides to leave the iron suit behind because there is “little chance of another crisis arising right after that one.” Well, that alone is a sure sign that we’re in for more trouble! But what of Stark’s logic? Where does it say you can’t have two crises in one day? I know it should seem unlikely, but is it really?

The Law of Averages says that if you throw a coin, you have a 50/50 chance it will land heads up. But if you throw a coin 49 times and it lands heads up every time, what are the odds it will land heads up again on your 50th throw? Still 50 /50! I know it seems odd, but those are the mathematical facts. Boggles my mind, that’s for sure. In the same way, the recent occurrence of one crisis does nothing to deter the possibility of a crisis in the immediate future. And frankly, I’m disappointed in Tony Stark, with all his smarts, not recognizing that.

In fact, what he SHOULD have realized is that by making the decision to leave the iron suit behind, he INCREASES the likelihood that another crisis will occur!

Okay, I’m being facetious, but doesn’t it sometimes seem that way? The one time you don’t wear your safety belt, you’ll be in an accident. The one day you don’t wash your hair, that cute guy or girl will finally look at you and say hello.

Personally, once, a long time ago, I lived in an apartment that had rats in the attic. So I purchased rat traps. This was over twenty years ago, but to this day I bring the single remaining rat trap with me every time I move because I know that if I should finally make the decision to get rid of the damn thing, that’s when I’ll get rats again! So, according to my way of thinking…that dormant rat trap has kept me safe from rodents for over twenty years.

In the same way, even though I know it’s not scientific, I believe that if Stark had brought along his armor, the second crisis would never have happened.

And what is it that happens? Suddenly, without warning, two of Stark’s employees disappear into thin air! Furthermore, Stark himself becomes encased in an absolutely impenetrable transparent cage. We know it’s impenetrable because one of the guards shoots the thing, and the bullets bounce right off. Which actually turns out to be a GOOD THING, because if the bullets had penetrated the invisible case, that guard would have shot and probably killed his boss, which is never a good thing.

The clear prison sinks into the ground, and Stark arrives in the Netherworld, populated by a scientific, “brilliant ruthless race,” ruled by Queen Kala, who is as ambitious as she is beautiful.

Well, I guess the local residents are perhaps not as brilliant as we’re lead to believe, because Kala immediately admits that Stark’s two men, Jim and Evans, were transported to the Netherworld in error, while they were actually looking for Stark.

Kala reveals that her kingdom is the ancient Atlantis, aeons ago saved from the certain doom of tidal waves and earthquakes when scientists constructed a large dome around the city, protecting it as it sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

Next Kala reveals her plan to invade and conquer the surface world, admitting that they don’t have enough power to actually reach the surface, so that’s why they kidnapped Stark, recognizing him as “America’s greatest inventive genius.”

And if Stark refuses to assist in their diabolical plan to conquer the surface world? Well, of course, then she will KILL Stark and his two companions.

Unfazed by these threats, Stark immediately informs Kala that Iron Man alone could destroy their underground kingdom. Of course, Stark is sort of bluffing here, since he knows that he stupidly and inexplicably left his Iron Man armor behind.

But Kala meets Stark’s Iron Man challenge and raises him one “Bah!” saying that if Stark will not assist, not only will she kill him and his friends, but will also use a machine to reverse the earth’s axis, causing death and destruction to all surface dwellers.

Wow…this Kala is one tough chick.

However, I think perhaps she’s bluffing, as well. Let’s think this through: If she doesn’t have enough power to even reach the surface, what’s to make us believe she has enough power to reverse the earth’s axis? And maybe Stark’s thinking the same thing, and is calling her bluff, when he agrees to help.

Another thing: Apparently she hasn’t been paying very close attention to the spying TV monitors that supplied information about the great scientific inventor, Tony Stark. She appears completely unfamiliar with his backstory, trusting him when he says he will help; he just needs “a laboratory, total privacy, certain materials and absolutely no interference!” These, of course, are the very conditions under which Stark first created Iron Man. But even if Netherworld TV had never been tuned to that particular channel, Kala should at least recognize that anyone who demands “total privacy” and “absolutely no interference” in the same breath cannot possibly be planning anything good.

Jim and Evans, the two Stark employees whose lives he has just saved, come down mighty hard on the boss, accusing him of being “yellow” and not caring “two pins” for mankind. Stark takes the abuse, claiming he’s all about saving his own skin, but of course we know anyone as noble and clever as Tony Stark has got to have something up his sleeve.

Stark finds an unexpected ally in General Baxu, who is not entirely convinced Kala’s invasion plans can succeed. Oh, and by the way, Baxu also hates taking orders from a woman. Stark perceptively suggests the general is in love with the beautiful Kala, which Baxu admits, yet completely ignores Stark’s suggestion that he, Baxu, could overthrow Kala and seize absolute power of the Netherworld.

Well, as handily predicted, Stark fashions an Iron Man suit and breaks out, convincing Baxu that Stark escaped and sent him, Iron Man, to deal with the Netherworld menace. Kala plans to destroy Iron Man with a disintegrator cannon, but Iron Man uses an electronic reverse-energy beam to disintegrate the disintegrator. Kala continues her attempts to defeat Iron Man, but at every turn the brilliant surfaceman outmaneuvers her. Confusing Kala with multiple mirror images of himself, Iron Man grabs the evil queen and transports her to the surface, where she immediately ages into a hideous old hag.

Of course, this will never do, and Kala begs to return to the Netherworld. Back in her own realm, she abandons the invasion plans and implores Iron Man to stay and rule with her. But Iron Man has a better idea and instructs Baxu to marry Kala so they can rule together.

What?? As if who Kala marries will be decided by anyone other than Kala herself! She may be evil and vain, but she is, after all, a QUEEN. Nobody’s going to tell the Queen who to marry…not even Iron Man!

Shortly after all this is resolved, with Iron Man receiving an open invitation to drop in on the Netherworld any time he happens to be in the neighborhood, we see Tony Stark at a cocktail party, fawned over by a gaggle of gorgeous babes. So! The universe has been put back in proper order—at least on the surface world. But clearly, the Netherworld will never be the same again.

For one thing, there’s that pesky problem of the Netherworlders aging horribly, should they ever become exposed to the atmosphere of the surface world. With all thoughts of invasion permanently scrapped, Kala, our first Marvel villainess, is instantly defused.

But there’s more than that going on here, and personally I find it incredibly sexist of these 1960’s comic book writers. When Kala meets Iron Man, she is so dazzled by his charms that she wants him to stay and rule the kingdom with her. As a result of her encounter with the fabulous Iron MAN, she is a changed person—perhaps still vain, but no longer ambitiously evil.

I’ve only just begun my journey through the Marvelous Zone, but so far recall very few instances where the villain’s encounter with the hero is so completely life-changing. In Hulk #1, the Gargoyle makes a complete turn-around, preferring a socially acceptable physical appearance to world domination. Weak, weak villain. And in Tales to Astonish #43, Professor Weems changes his ways, but only after he accidentally shoots his own beloved grandson with the Aging Ray-gun. This was the wake-up call that made him realize it’s not right to do evil and age people. But of course, Weems was never really a villain in the first place, he was just an average guy wronged by society who happened to have enough resources at his command to cause widespread panic.

But the female Kala is so softened after her encounter with Iron Man, she’s almost a different person. As Iron Man softens the Netherwold’s protective glass dome “as if it were butter,” likewise, he softens Kala. And is it lost on anyone that Kala’s epic adventure involves both the act of penetration and “a nice, wide shaft”? Did Stan know what he was doing here, or is this simply a fortunately Freudian turn of phrase?

I’m disappointed that our villainess is so easily turned from her evil ways. Perhaps the idea of an evil woman was a hard sell back in the 1960’s, when all little girls were expected to be good little girls. Would the readers have balked if the mighty Iron Man had not been able to turn Kala?

Despite his many setbacks and failures, Sub-Mariner continues to threaten the surface world. So why does the solution to the Kala problem have to be so complete? Why can’t she remain a villain, to appear again in future adventures? I would like to see that.

But no, she is neutralized as a threat to humanity, and not only that, but she ends up making googly eyes over Iron Man, the same way earth women fawn over Tony Stark. Well, I guess that has to happen. After all, what good are superheroes if they cannot conquer the female heart? That should be the easiest of their superhero tasks, and in this story, indeed it is.

I don’t know if we will see Kala or her Netherworld again, and if we don’t, I’ll be disappointed, because I saw potential in this scientifically advanced society that also has strong mythical ties to the lost city of Atlantis. And I especially liked the idea of a strong, beautiful woman leader.

But if this is not to be, how much longer will I have to trudge through the Marvelous Zone before finding a new woman character who has more on her mind than nice kitchen appliances (Aunt May), her burly boyfriend (Alicia Masters), or a fantasy of taming a superhero from another dimension (Jane Foster)?

The Avengers movie was so chock full of tasty testosterone that I initially found it difficult to take my eyes off the muscles and superhero suits. But now when I think of it, Scarlett Johannsson’s Black Widow was one tough lady. Kala, Queen of the Netherworld, is also powerful and commanding—at least at the beginning of this Iron Man story. I only regret her unfortunate neutralization.

But now, as I travel through the female wasteland of Marvel in the early 1960’s, I begin to hope for the day when the villainesses will remain as compelling as their male counterparts, and even more, for the day when all female characters will become less cookie-cutter and more cutting edge.

Next time in the Marvelous Zone, we’ll switch back from villainess to villain, but is that any guarantee the evil our heroes face will be of earth-shattering proportions? Well… not eggsactly…