TALES OF SUSPENSE #47: Toot That Horn!

Published: November, 1963

We recently watched an excellent documentary, “With Great Power,” about Stan Lee’s part in building the Marvel empire. Among other things, I learned that before comics were “told in the marvelous Marvel manner,” writers and illustrators often did not receive any credit. Since I’ve been reading Marvel from the early 1960’s, I’ve seen plenty of instances of the creators tooting their own horn. In FF #10, Stan and Jack actually feature themselves as characters in their own story! And now, on the cover of Tales of Suspense #47, the names Lee, Ditko and Heck are prominently displayed, “above the fold line.”

Turn the page, here’s the splash, and there are the creators’ names once again, at the top. Furthermore, on the splash we read that this 18-page EPIC is “Another great classic-to-be from the Marvel Age of Comics!” Boy, Stan sure did know how to sell it, didn’t he? If he hadn’t been so good as a comic book writer, I’m sure he could have made a killing in real estate.

But getting to our st—excuse me, EPIC—we find that Tony Stark has recently exposed the shoddy production values of competitor Bruno Horgan, resulting in Horgan’s loss of government contracts. Even as Horgan vows revenge on Stark, he accidentally discovers a “melting beam.” Affixing the beam to the chestplate of a super-villain costume, he assumes the masked identity of the Melter, now ready to attack Stark’s plant.

Not only can the Melter destroy the military equipment coming out of Stark’s factory, putting Stark’s military contracts in jeopardy, but worse, Iron Man is absolutely useless against this metal-melting villain. “How can I fight him,” Iron Man wonders, “when I dare not face him?”

SECRET IDENTITY WOES
I don’t know what terrifies Stark more—the loss of government contracts, or the possibility that the Melter may expose Iron Man’s identity. For some Marvel heroes, secret identity is no big deal. The FF revel in their celebrity, and later, Giant-Man and the Wasp will entertain members of their fan club. But Stark reasons that if he should be identified as the man behind the iron mask, it would be open season on Tony Stark.

What? Like it’s not already open season on Stark? Isn’t he one of the wealthiest men in the country? Wouldn’t he already have gobs of jealous haters, opportunists who speculate that kidnapping Tony Stark would be a good way to rake in a ton of ransom money? We don’t need to play the Iron Man card in order to peg billionaire industrialist playboy Tony Stark as “most likely to suffer harm at the hands of unscrupulous criminals.”

WHO’S GUARDING WHOM?
In his position, Stark ought to have a bodyguard. And he does have a bodyguard. No, I’m not talking about Iron Man. He recently hired Happy, former boxer, not only as chauffeur, but also as bodyguard. However, I’m not convinced Happy is doing such a bang-up job in either of those capacities. As for chauffeur, though, it’s hardly Happy’s fault. In this story, when Stark needs to hurry to Washington for a meeting, Happy happily offers the Rolls or the Jag, but Stark declines both, choosing instead to fly to the Capitol as Iron Man—faster, less traffic, and no chance of a flat tire. Happy rightly wonders what he’s supposed to be doing as a chauffeur.

But what of Happy’s bodyguarding duties? Where is Happy at the beginning of the story, when Stark is inspecting the damaged equipment at his plant, and the Melter first attacks? A bodyguard at this point would have been useful. But instead of guarding the boss, Happy is hanging out with Pepper Potts. In fact, we never see Happy unless Pepper is also in the picture. He’s always in her office, by her side. Sure, we understand he’s got a crush, but this is no excuse for shirking his duties. If Happy is a bodyguard, then Pepper Potts has nothing to worry about. The boss Tony Stark, though, doesn’t enjoy the same level of protection.

OUTSMART
Distressed by the confounding problem of how to beat a villain who can melt metal, Stark reasons that he still has the most powerful weapon known to man—A BRAIN—and the next time the Melter and Iron Man meet, the tables are turned. When the Melter cannot affect Iron Man, he runs away, confounded. Stark, of course, has tricked the Melter by wearing an “Iron Man” suit composed entirely of aluminum.

With the Melter out of the way, production resumes at Stark Industries, but the question remains…was the Melter destroyed, or did he escape? “For,” Iron Man reasons, “if he ever should return, I may not be able to trick him this way again.”

Though the tale ends happily, with everyone getting back to business, I feel uneasy about the fate of the Melter. The last time we see him, he’s still alive. And with superheroes like Iron Man populating the Marvel universe, the Melter’s superpowers are too good to be used up in only one issue, even if it is an 18-page EPIC. My best guess? We’ll see this fellow again. However, I wonder if Stark will always be carrying a backup aluminum suit in his handy attaché, just in case the Melter makes an unexpected appearance.

Speaking of the unexpected, an exciting new development awaits us next time in the Marvelous Zone. And unlike Stan’s bold horn-tooting in the early part of this issue, I can say without hyperbole that next time we meet, our hero is BIGGER and better than ever!