TALES TO ASTONISH #51

“Showdown With the Human Top!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
No one can stop the Human Top’s rampage of crime, not even Giant-Man! Even though Hank deduces that the Top’s attack on a boat is a diversion, the villain easily escapes Giant-Man’s grasp. But when the Top makes arrangements to sell top-secret defense plans to a Communist spy, Giant-Man, Wasp and the police all work together to cordon him off in a small section of New York City. The trapped Top tires, and with glue on his hands, Giant-Man is eventually able to wrangle him into custody.

WHAT’S HOT
GLUE. I have often sneered at Paste Pot Pete’s bold proclamation that “Paste is the ultimate weapon,” but in this story, it’s glue that eventually saves the day. Go, glue!

FANS. To keep it interesting, superheroes should always be needlessly diverted from the matter at hand, and what could be more diverting and entertaining than the sudden appearance of a sign-wielding, camera-snapping Fan Club! Just plain silly, goofy good-natured fun.

WASP. She’s “hot,” as in “Take a chill pill, honey!” During a climactic moment, when everyone else is discussing what to do about the stolen plans and how to capture the Top, Wasp sits to the side, thinking, “MMMM, if there’s one thing I like, it’s being in a room full of MEN.” At this moment it strikes me that her defining personality trait of flirtatiousness is dangerously bordering on nymphomania, and could get her into trouble one day.

WHAT’S NOT
TOP. He spins really, really fast. That’s his superpower. Sorry, not good enough. In the Marvel Universe, where there are so many more powerful and treacherous villains, why does Giant-Man get stuck with this?

WOBBOWS. In the first of a series of accompanying featurettes entitled “The Wonderful WASP Tells a Tale,” our favorite flirtatious sidekick amuses shut-in veterans with a short story in which greedy, unscrupulous mercenary Rack Morgan meets his doom during interplanetary space travels… in the year…TWO THOUSAND. Whoa! The idea of Wasp doing public service work is charming and intriguing, but I hope her future yarns will prove more compelling than this.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #8

“The Living Brain!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
A robot-like computer is about to predict Spider-Man’s secret identity, but before the message can be decoded, Flash Thompson and Peter Parker agree to fight after school. While they’re in the gym slugging it out, some thugs accidentally activate the “Living Brain” computer, which runs amok in the school. Having knocked out Flash, Peter dons his Spider-Man duds and battles the Living Brain up and down the high school hallways. At last, he deactivates the machine, and convinces everyone that the Living Brain identified Flash as Spider-Man!

WHAT’S HOT
BARECHESTED. Okay, this is the girl’s view of the Marvel Universe, right? So in this issue, when two virile young men fight bare-chested, I would have to say the view is just fine from here, thank you very much!

PARKER TURNS THE TABLES. At the end of the story, Peter presents evidence that it’s Flash Thompson who is actually Spider-Man, and everyone pretty much believes it. Clever! Well, he’s not called “Smarty-Pants” for nothing!

SPECLESS? Flash breaks Peter’s eyeglasses early in the first story, and we don’t see them again. Of course, with his spider-abilities, Peter has no actual need for eyeglasses, but if he should continue without specs, isn’t everyone going to wonder how he’s managing? Since eyeglasses, especially round ones, are the universal symbol for NERD, I wonder if this means we have turned a corner in the way Peter will be perceived by his peers? If the lack of nerdy glasses doesn’t do it, his knockout punch to bully Flash will certainly count for something.

WHAT’S NOT
TOKEN BAD GUYS. The two thugs deliver the Living Brain, then plan to steal it…haven’t we seen these guys before?

SENSITIVE CONTROLS. The thugs bump into the Living Brain, and it instantly becomes a killing machine. Hey, even your harmless PC asks “Are you sure you want to delete?” before taking drastic action.

AMOK. Some redhead says “The living brain is running amok!” Really. Amok? Does anyone actually talk like that? The only time I’ve even seen the word “Amok” is in the original Star Trek.

BELABORING. The story goes on and on for pages and pages with Spider-Man trying to fight the Living Brain, and remarking time and again how smart it is, and how it can out-think him and out-maneuver him, and how strong it is, etc. etc. Yeah, we get it. Let’s get on with the story already!!

WIMPY WIMPY? Just before Peter is about to tumble down a staircase with the Living Brain, he says, “This is a nutty way for a super hero to meet his end!” So…a fall down a staircase will kill Spider-Man? He takes rides on out-of-control missiles, swings from skyscraper to skyscraper, and regularly battles super-villains and swamp creatures, but a set of stairs is going to do him in??

“Spider-Man Tackles the Torch!”
Script: Stand Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

Spider-Man crashes a party where Torch is showing off for his friends. The two tangle, and the other members of the FF intervene. Sue defuses the hijinks by calling Spidey clever and adorable, insinuating he must also be handsome and muscular.

A TRIBUTE TO TEENAGERS
The cover declares this is a “Special ‘Tribute to Teen-Agers’ Issue!!” and indeed there are a lot of teenage characters in these two stories. I just don’t know how much of a “tribute” this is. More like a roast! In both stories, teenager Peter Parker behaves badly, as himself, and in his Spider-Man persona. In costume or not, Parker shows an astounding lack of maturity when it comes to dealing with boys his own age. When his masculinity is threatened, not only does he allow himself to be egged on, but he also hands out a fair number of eggs himself.

If I were to psychoanalyze the boy, I would call it “Displacement.” First, Flash picks on him, but he wisely recognizes that he cannot deal with this bully at his full strength. So what does he do? He finds Torch, his superhero equal, and now HE is the bully, instigating a fair fight in which he can fully participate.

Whenever superheroes clash, we have to wonder how they’re going to get out of it. Can we really have one beating the other? Won’t that bring the beaten hero down a notch in the superhero hierarchy? How can we possibly respect the beaten superhero, the next time we see him?

But ah! Stan is wise. When Spidey and Torch fight, one does not beat the other. Stan stops the fight with the one superpower against which all teenage boys, superhero or not, are defenseless: the attention of an attractive woman. When Sue tells Spidey he is clever and adorable, and insinuates that he must also be muscular and handsome, the teenager loses all interest in fighting.

Good move, Sue! Good move, Stan!

STRANGE TALES #116

“In the Clutches of the Puppet Master!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Dick Ayers
Inks: George Bell
Letters: Ray Holloway

IN A NUTSHELL
Having escaped death by octopus, the Puppet Master fashions a doll and manipulates Torch into flirting with Alicia. Thing walks in, the two superheroes fight, but to the Puppet Master’s dismay, do not destroy each other. As Alicia recognizes her stepfather’s M.O., Torch and Thing are lured to the airport. Alicia goes there also and distracts the Puppet Master long enough for Torch to drop a blazing sheet of flame on the villain, destroying his voodoo doll. In the aftermath, the Puppet Master escapes.

WHAT’S HOT
FABULOUS! Alicia enlists the help of “the fabulous Mister Fantastic!” When your name is “Mister Fantastic,” do you really need more superlatives?

LOVE IS BLIND. In the end, Alicia assures Thing of her love, and Torch accuses the mighty rock man of being “No Rock Hudson.” To which Thing replies, “Who wants to be Rock Hudson? I’m the guy Alicia digs!” Hope for every ugly mug who ever lusted after the prom queen. Well…if the prom queen happens to be BLIND, I guess…

WHAT’S NOT
NARRATION. For an action story, this entire tale is littered with entirely too many words! Page eight begins with six full lines of narration, explaining what’s happening to Torch and Thing. Love the writing skills, but honestly…is this a comic, or a novel?

ESCAPE. Why doesn’t Torch let the “blazing sheet of flame” KILL the Puppet Master, rather than just burn his hands? Why is Thing “rendered helpless by the love of a slim wisp of a girl” to the point of letting the Puppet Master get away? It seems to me Stan is trying awfully hard to keep this villain alive and well, and ready to strike again.

“Return to the Nightmare World!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letter: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Dr. Strange is called in to rescue poor souls who are caught in a magically induced spell, courtesy of the villain Nightmare. He travels via his ethereal self on the Path of Hoggoth into Nightmare’s realm, where the two confront each other. With his amulet, Strange causes Nightmare to kill his pet, the killer Spinybeast. Strange escorts the prisoners to safety, leaving Nightmare vowing revenge.

WHAT’S HOT
BUSINESS IS BOOMING. On the cover, Stan explains that since the Dr. Strange series is proving to be much more successful than originally hoped, there will be more stories, and longer stories. “YOU are the real editors of the Marvel mags!” Stan exclaims. Give the customer what they ask for—Business 101. Everybody wins.

AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR. Dr. Strange has a servant, a butler? How does he afford this? He’s not a medical doctor anymore. Did he have a great pension plan? Hire a top lawyer and get a huge payout after his accident? Or is he using his magic amulet to conjure cash in his spare time?

REPUTATION. We must have missed this while we were away reading Torch and Thing stories, but it seems Dr. Strange has developed a worldwide reputation as a well-respected Master of the Dark Arts. The authorities admit it’s all a bit loopy, but they still seek out his services. I’d like to know who does Dr. Strange’s marketing and hire them for this website, and our other endeavor, The Drawing Room.

FORFEIT & VANQUISH. When Dr. Strange needs to choose the correct path, he acknowledges that with a wrong choice, his “life will be forfeit.” He couldn’t say, “I’ll die”? No, he couldn’t. When you’re the Master of the Mystic Arts traveling the enchanted Path of Hoggart in the Nightmare World, you must use dramatic language like “my life will be FORFEIT.” For the same reason, Nightmare does not claim to “defeat” Strange, but rather to “vanquish” him.

SPINYBEAST. The great thing about telling stories in a imaginary world is that you can imagine any kinds of landscape and creatures you desire. Thus…behold! The Spinybeast!

WHAT’S NOT
SPLIT SECOND. This is not the first time this has happened in Marvel Comics, and it’s grown to be a pet peeve of mine. Strange uses a six line word balloon of 27 words (28, if you count “split-second” as two words) to describe to no one in particular how he must time his actions to the split-second, or all will be lost. One can only imagine he’s using his rambling to pace himself until he reaches that exact “microsecond” — because, in fact, he does, and saves the day.

TALES OF SUSPENSE #49

“The Angel!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Steve Ditko
Inks: Paul Reinman
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
When Angel flies over Stark’s factory during an atomic explosion, radioactivity makes him EVIL. He quits the X-Men, causing Professor X to question his program. To stop Angel from going to the dark side, the Avengers are called in to assist, but only Stark responds. He and Angel fight in the sky, until Iron Man’s power gives out, and he hurtles downward for a crash landing. Shocked back into being himself, Angel saves Iron Man, and after some heartfelt words of thanks, the two shake hands.

WHAT’S HOT
SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT. You have to imagine tongue was planted firmly in cheek in describing the “special arrangement with the copyright owners” and “courtesy of the editors” that was employed to get the X-Men and Avengers to appear in this story. Hey! Correct me if I’m wrong, but we’re all one big happy family here, right?

JARGON. Don’t you just love it when Stark uses all that technical jargon? “I just release all the magnetic doohickeys and the whole caboodle snaps neatly off.” Sigh…Brainy is the new sexy.

FORESHADOWING. On the last page, as Angel and Iron Man shake hands, they agree that one day they should fight together as allies, “and what a fight THAT would be!” In the Marvel Universe, where guest appearances can take place as quickly and easily as tongue touches cheek, I wouldn’t doubt we’ll see that someday.

WHAT’S NOT
REALLY NOW? When Angel turns evil, Stark exclaims, “It’s just as I feared! The explosion changed his personality.” Oh, is that what explosions do? Hmmmmm… Well, maybe if you’re a mutant…

PEEK A BOO! From his private lab, Stark can see Pepper, but she can’t see him–we assume, since he talks to her while working on his secret Iron Man chest plate. Is this just the big boss exerting his authority by keeping a watchful eye on his employees, or is there something creepier going on here?

SHOCKING! The explanation for evil Angel’s sudden transformation back to good Angel is that he was “shocked” into returning to his true self. At exactly the right moment. Seems a little too convenient for me. But then, if you were Joss Whedon, you could change your Angel from good to bad and back again with a moment of bliss and some hocus pocus spells. Hey, it’s fiction. Go with it, right?

TEN MINUTES? When Iron Man explains the situation to New York’s Finest, “regulations” are mentioned, along with a hesitant, “But seeing it’s YOU…all right! You have TEN MINUTES!” What? Ten minutes? The unproven X-Men were given 15 minutes to stop Magneto in X-Men #1! Why does Iron Man of The Mighty Avengers only get TEN MINUTES??

FAMOUS LAST WORDS. As Iron Man is falling to his doom from a tremendous height, he talks through five panels until he finally concludes, “Wish I could think of an immortal last sentence to say…but all I feel like shouting is…HELP!!” Again with the talky-talky! I’m looking forward to the day when Marvel will feel confident enough to let the pictures do more of the storytelling. In the meantime, although the oververbalization can be at times annoying, I have to admit it’s also amusing. Sort of. Once again, I sense some literary tongue in cheek.

AVENGERS #3

“Sub-Mariner!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Paul Reinman
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
Deciding it’s time to reign in the Hulk, the Avengers appeal to the other superheroes for assistance, but it is Rick Jones who locates Hulk in the desert and sends the Avengers after him. There’s a great deal of fighting, and along the way, Namor shows up. He and Hulk form an uneasy alliance, and there is more fighting. When Hulk unexpectedly morphs back into Bruce Banner, he runs away. Weakened by lack of water, Namor returns to the sea. The Avengers let him escape, declaring him a worthy opponent.

HOT OR NOT?
As I read this story, I made some observations, but had a hard time determining if they were “hot” or “not.” So for the moment, I’m dropping my usual format, to share a few random thoughts:

HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTION THROUGH AN ULTRA-FREQUENCY TV SET. If there really is a contraption that can transport someone’s image anywhere in the world, so that person can both see and hear AND be seen and heard, why isn’t this being used more often?

HAIL HAIL THE GANG’S ALL HERE! Iron Man uses “Tony Stark’s” Ultra-Frequency TV Image Projector to visit the other Marvel superheroes, requesting their help. They’re all too busy to find Hulk, but what fun to see everyone within the scope of a few pages. No doubt, this was all done by “Special Arrangement.” But really…couldn’t he just pick up the phone?

ALWAYS FUNNY…when Pym says, “I can travel faster on my flying ant.”

SECRET IDENTITY? Iron Man pretends that Stark is his boss, but he slips up when he returns from the Image Trip, saying, “Anyway, I had a chance to test MY Image Projector.” This is the kind of mistake you expect from your garden-variety stupid criminal–not the super-intelligent, marvelous billionaire industrialist playboy Tony Stark. Even more surprising, none of the others seem to pick up on it.

THE VOICE OF REASON. Stark/Iron Man, our renaissance man, always wants to REASON with villains, rather than incapacitate them. When is he ever going to learn??

TEAMWORK? It’s an uneasy alliance between Hulk and Namor. First they fight, then they agree to fight together, but secretly they’re plotting against each other. Not so secretly, they keep calling each other “Fish-man,” “Flat-head,” “My bestial partner,” “you lumbering oaf,” and “slow-witted one.” Hulk finally gets wise and says, “You’ll never call me names like that again, Namor!” But they’re both slow-witted for not suspecting the other of potential treason loooong before this.

BIG COMPETITION. At the monthly Avengers meeting, Pym feels compelled to sit at the table as GIANT-Man. Well, if you had to compete for the Wasp’s attention with the likes of Thor and Iron Man, wouldn’t you pull out all the big guns? And for good reason! Read on…

HULK IS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO’S GREEN. The Wasp openly flirts with Thor, prompting a small display of jealousy in Giant-Man. Well, I say…it’s about time!

X-MEN #3

“Beware of the Blob!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Paul Reinman
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
The X-Men track down the mutant Blob performing at a circus, and bring him to Professor X, as commanded. The rude Blob refuses the offer to become an X-Man, and instead gathers his circus cronies to attack X-Men headquarters. The gang holds off the attackers long enough for Professor X to complete his electronic mass influencer, which wipes clean the memory of their enemies. It is hinted that the Blob’s memory may not remain erased forever, but the X-Men will be ready, should he attack again.

WHAT’S HOT
TEAMWORK. Of course it’s yet early in this series, but it was nice to see each X-Man not only giving a greater demonstration of their superpower and how it helps the group, but I also enjoyed seeing their non-superhero personalities starting to come forth. In particular…

SCOTT, THE TORTURED HERO. Our tale begins with Professor X noting that Cyclops is always so grim. Scott explains that he worries about how much damage he could do, if he could not control his superpower. Later, we also find out that his “dread power” is preventing him from sharing his true feelings about Jean. Well, a little melodramatic, to be sure, but at least it makes sense for one of his age and position. However…

WHAT’S NOT
THE ONE I LOVE. Early on, it’s made clear that every X-Man has the hots for Marvel Girl. They all act like she’s the only woman in the universe. They’re a bunch of horny teenage boys–we get it. But what’s Professor X’s excuse? On the bottom of page four, he thinks to himself that he can’t help worrying about “the one I love,” even though he can never tell her how he feels. WHAT??? I hope this is a situation that is quickly dropped or forgotten. Not only is it weird and unnecessary, but it can’t possibly end well.

MIND CONTROL. And I have another gripe about Professor X. Yes, I know he’s one of the good guys, but in this story, his power of the mind is just a bit too creepy for my liking. What gives him the right to mess around with people’s memories–even if they are evil? You may cause me harm, therefore I’ll neutralize the threat by messing with your mind. What you’re doing is detrimental to my interests, therefore I’ll mess with your mind. You don’t have the same political leanings as I do…therefore I’ll mess with your mind. I mean, where do you draw the line?

And although it’s immensely helpful in getting his X-Men out of a pickle, Professor X’s probing of Marvel Girl’s mind so he can see what she sees, is just…unsavory. In both situations, there’s just too much potential for abuse of power.

BLOB. Really. The Blob. Once he plants his feet, he cannot be moved. He’s big, he’s fat, he’s strong. He’s rude, and he’s immovable. He works at the circus. Professor X laments that he made a mistake having the blob brought to their headquarters. I’ll say! I think in the future, Xavier ought to be a little more discriminating before extending an invitation to just any ol’ mutant.

JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #100

“The Master Plan of Mr. Hyde!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Don Heck
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
As Don and Jane dine at the Ritz, Mr. Hyde kidnaps them and leaves Blake tied up near a bomb, while he drags Jane to the docks to witness his theft of a submarine. Blake secures his cane and transforms into Thor, finding and fighting the villain. When Thor is separated from his hammer, Jane hides it, afraid that if Hyde is defeated, Don will be killed by the bomb. In the end, Hyde escapes, and Thor promises to “rescue” Blake. Odin denies Thor’s petition to grant immortality to Jane, deciding that the meddlesome mortal is not worthy of god-hood.

WHAT’S HOT
COINCIDENCE. Just thought I’d mention this weird coincidence, and commemorate the oddity of it. This is the 100th comic book I’ve read! A milestone! Cause for celebration! Time to pull out the noisemakers and party hats …no? And what am I celebrating with? Journey into Mystery…#100!! Woo hoo! I just love when crazy things like this happen!

WHEN WE LAST LEFT THOR… It’s nice that early in the story we have a few panels to refresh our memory about what happened in the last ish. As we encounter more multi-part stories, I imagine this recapping will become a staple.

DINNER AT THE RITZ. Blake promises to take Jane to dinner on her birthday. Not only are they eating at “The Ritz Terrace,” but she takes his arm and calls him “Don.” Very romantic. Well, at least until the madman kidnaps them…

“MAD, AM I?” Snidely Whiplash, move over! You gotta hand it to Marvel villains. With their flamboyant costumes and flowery language, they are so often extremely worthy of the moustache-twirling.

BIG PANELS. When the action between Thor and Hyde heats up, the panels stretch all the way across the page. Nice going! Really makes the reader feel that something BIG and exciting is happening here.

WHAT’S NOT
QUEEN? Why does Hyde want Jane Foster as his “queen”? Have we seen any evidence that he is particularly attracted to her? Or is this merely a matter of convenience? Would he be willing to install any captured female as his queen?

OVERCONFIDENCE. I love how the police, when they see Thor flying away, say, “It doesn’t matter. We’ll get him when he lands.” Have they not been paying attention? Have they so easily forgotten that Thor possesses abilities far beyond their own? What in the world makes them think they have a snowball’s chance in Hell of stopping the Mighty Thor?

UNDERCONFIDENCE. And yet, later in the story, when they meet Hyde on the docks, and Hyde threatens Jane’s life with a gun, the police completely freak out, to the point of “pandemonium,” and call Washington for military backup, claiming “Hyde is more than WE can handle.” Why? Because he has a gun and a hostage? Too intense? Maybe somebody ought to be thinking about a desk job.

ALMOST UNLIMITED. When Hyde captures Thor on the submarine, he says, “I’ve got you now, and with my almost unlimited strength…” Huh? What super-villain worth his mettle ever qualifies his powers with the word “almost”? Super-villains are all about the bragging. And so Hyde fails the super-villain test right here, before Thor actually defeats him.

HOW BIG IS YOUR GOD? Odin sees Jane hiding Thor’s hammer, and concludes that since she was attempting to thwart Thor, she is not worthy of becoming an immortal. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Odin supposed to be a GOD? Even if he’s not an omniscient god, he should at least have enough intelligence to figure out that Jane hid the hammer to protect Don Blake. Odin should realize that even though she did the wrong thing, it was for the right reason, and for this she is due, at the very least, some Brownie points. Certainly not unequivocal disqualification for the League of Immortals.

THE BOYHOOD OF THOR
The most outstanding detail of the accompanying story, “Tales of Asgard…The Boyhood of Thor!” is that Thor has a boyhood at all. When he battles giants, he is exactly as valiant as we would expect boy Thor to be, and brother Loki proves as selfish and troublesome as his adult counterpart. We understand from plot points involving his dysfunctional family that Thor did not spring full-grown from the first tap of the stick in Journey Into Mystery #83. But who knew he has a history as a pre-pubescent “godling” in Asgard long before he and Blake became cosmically connected?

I don’t understand how any of this has happened, nor do I know if this is a mystery that plagues even the most ardent Marvel scholars to this day. Russ will only tell me that I am “asking the right questions.” Well, I guess this is one of those things I’ll have to find out, as I continue my journeys in the Marvelous Zone!