STRANGE TALES #117: The Slippery Slope of the Senseless Story

“The Return of the Eel!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Dick Ayers
Letters: Art Simek

“The Many Traps of Baron Mordo!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

I must begin this post with an apology, because I’m afraid I will have nothing nice to say about Torch’s second encounter with the super-villain known as the Eel. When we first met the Eel five months ago in Strange Tales #112, the big news was all about the Living Bomb and how Torch was going to save the world from an atomic explosion. The Eel almost seemed an afterthought.

Now he is more menacing, but almost everything about this story just…doesn’t…MAKE SENSE!! I understand that when we visit the Marvel Universe, we’re in a fantasy world, so lots of stuff is not going to “make sense.” And I also understand that this is not great literature, so we shouldn’t hold it to the same standards as…say, Shakespeare, or Ernest Hemingway. But when there are this many inconsistencies, it makes you want to throw up your hands and say, “Next story, please!”

Well, anyway, let’s get started…

At the cusp of our tale, Torch assumes the Eel has escaped from prison because he hears on TV that “one of the most dangerous criminals of our time, the powerful public enemy known as THE EEL is now at large again!” I’m guessing J. Jonah Jameson owns this TV station, because this report is completely sensationalized. And somewhat inaccurate. Any reasonable person would assume “at large again” means he escaped from jail. Even if this is not the dictionary definition, it’s the reasonable implication. But when Torch tracks down the Eel, we quickly discover that the Eel has not escaped, he is a free man, having been released early, “for good behavior.”

Well, look. We can’t have it both ways. If the Eel is being released for good behavior, then it can’t also be true, as the television news reports, that he is “one of the most dangerous criminals of our time.” Dangerous criminals don’t continue to be dangerous criminals if they are engaging in “good behavior.”

Unless, of course, they are only pretending to engage in good behavior—which, it turns out, is exactly what the Eel is doing. But the news reporters don’t know that! However, they might suspect it, when he walks out of prison wearing the costume in which he has committed his crimes. At least Johnny Storm has enough sense to ask the question, “Why would he drive off in that nutty costume if he intended to go straight?” News reporters and the general public should be asking the same question. Most of all, the warden and the parole board should be asking that question! But they don’t, and the Eel is free to continue his life of crime.

But before we advance to his continued crimes, here’s another issue: In Strange Tales #112, the Eel stole “Project X,” and activated an atomic bomb that would have destroyed a good portion of the earth, if Torch had not intervened. In our universe, that was only five months ago. Which makes me wonder: five months is all you get for stealing scientific inventions labeled “Project X” and almost destroying the world?

Hard to believe. So I consulted with an expert in Marvel Chronology–no, not hubby Russ. He suggested Paul Bourcier, Board Member of the Chronology Project, who keeps the calendar for Marvel Chronology. Paul has this to say: “According to my calendar (extrapolated from Olshevsky’s work), ST #112 occurs in April or May and ST 117 occurs in November. So we’re looking at 6 or 7 months. (And that’s not even taking the infamous theory of time compression/rolling time line into account!)”

So! With the help of Bourcier and Olshevsky, my suppositions are not too far off! But Paul also had this telling comment: “I try not to think too hard about periods of incarceration or the wheels of MU justice too hard; they’re just way too easy on criminals!”

Haha! I think I’m finding that out.

The Eel immediately takes up his old job at the aquarium and gets right back to work as a thief. After he steals a priceless stamp collection, Reed comments that the crime “has all the earmarks of a robbery by the EEL!” Now, why would Reed think that, when the newspaper reports that “the thief didn’t even leave a single clue!” Or maybe that’s the point–that the Eel is so slippery, he doesn’t leave clues? But then, wouldn’t it stand to reason–as Mr. Fantastic has already figured out–that a crime scene with no clues is the biggest clue that the Eel is the culprit?

Boy, that Reed Richards sure is smart, but I never realized till now how smart.

However, here’s another nagging little detail. During his next job, as the Eel reaches for the precious oversized ruby conveniently left on the nightstand of a hotel bedroom, he gloats that this will “become famous as the greatest theft of the century! And no one will ever be able to prove that the EEL was responsible!”

Really?

It’s all a trap, set up by Johnny! And when Torch appears, the Eel jumps from the top of the 30-story building into his waiting whirlybird. Johnny panics momentarily, but gallant hero that he is, decides to save the Eel from certain death. However, the Eel is not jumping to his death, but to his waiting whirlybird.

Now, if there’s a whirlybird hovering just below the terrace of a New York City hotel, what are the chances nobody noticed it? And it’s not a normal looking whirlybird either; it’s all rigged out to look like a flying submarine. I think this whirlybird at the scene of the crime would be considered a big clue, that would eventually lead to the Eel’s apprehension.

So what makes the Eel think no one will ever figure it out? These super-villains sure are cocky, aren’t they? At one point, Eel actually utters that famous super-villain phrase, “How easy it is for me to…” dot dot dot, commit whatever crime or mischief I am so proud of myself for accomplishing!

Oh, how the mighty will fall.

But we’re not there yet.

Next up, Johnny is kicking himself because he let the Eel get away, and can’t figure out how in the world to track him down. Older sister Sue steps in to reason out that the Eel’s helicopter had pontoons, so therefore it would be water-based, and therefore the Eel must be hiding it in a place with a lot of water. Only then does Johnny consider looking for the Eel at his last known place of employment, the aquarium.

Did we really need this scene? Is this another one of Stan’s gallant efforts to make Sue seem more useful and important? It might accomplish that, but at the same time, it also makes Johnny appear not very bright. Of course, he is only a teenager, and “livid with rage.” But does that really explain why he’s so frustrated by the elusive Eel?

Well anyway, with Sue’s good advice spurring him into action, teenage Johnny arrives at the aquarium, and immediately security guard Leopold Stryke (a.k.a., the Eel) “panics” and is “nervous and worried.” As if it never occurred to him that anyone might figure out he’d gone back to the aquarium. He had enough thought to equip his helicopter with water cannons in the back and laughing gas in the front, but no plan for what to do in case teenage Johnny shows up at the aquarium?

But after panicking, Leopold quickly develops a plan. In his best “internet tough guy” fashion, he hurries off to don his disguise, and once in disguise, his cockiness returns, and he’s all “So!” and “You haven’t got a chance against me!” Not only is he ready to attack, but he’s had enough forethought to cover his costume with asbestos grease, nullifying Johnny’s superpower. Uhhh… asbestos grease?

Johnny is knocked out and almost fed to sharks, but within the space of “one brief microsecond,” he comes to, flames on, applies sarcasm, and causes the Eel’s electric blast to backfire. Johnny melts the drum containing the asbestos grease, and the Eel slips and slides into the electric eel tank.

Gallant hero that he is, Torch does not let the Eel get stung by the eels, but holds them off with fireballs until the police arrive and take the Eel away, presumably back to prison, from which (presumably) he will be released in another five or six months.

So I don’t think we’re done with the Eel yet.

In what is supposed to be a humorous epilogue, Sue brings Johnny a gift to remember his battle with the Eel. She says, “Ben and Reed helped me carry it,” and indeed Ben and Reed are standing behind her, but they’re not carrying the package–she is!

In the next panel, the package is unwrapped to reveal a fish tank, full of water and fish. Very cute, very funny. Haha. But here’s the weird part: Do you have any idea how much a fish tank full of water WEIGHS? Well, let’s see…one gallon of water is slightly more than eight pounds, so if this is a ten gallon tank, that’s over 80 pounds, plus the weight of the tank itself… I would imagine we’re looking at somewhere between 85 and 100 pounds!

So why is the dainty little lady carrying this, while Thing and Mr. Fantastic stand idly behind her? Is Sue just beginning to experiment with a new superpower of super-strength? Or have Thing and Reed developed the superpower of Extreme Doofism, letting a little slip of a thing like Sue carry a 100-pound package while they stand in the background grinning like a couple of laughing hyenas? (Well…Thing is grinning. Reed’s just standing there looking all GQ.)

This is just the icing on the cake on a story that didn’t make much sense from the very start. I apologize again if I sound critical. But there is good news! Strange Tales always has two stories, and the mystical Doctor Strange gives us the bottom half of this double feature. Let’s take a quick look:

Mordo casts a spell over Strange’s house, causing it to disappear into an unknown dimension. As Mordo marvels, “How EASY it was!” Strange releases his ethereal self, which promptly gets trapped by Mordo (“How EASY it was!”) while Mordo goes off to kill the Ancient One. But Strange escapes and reaches the Ancient One first, and is given a magic ring, which Strange uses to defeat Mordo.

How EASY it was!

Yeah, when you’re dabbling in the Mystic Arts, anything is possible. (And, apparently, easy.) Maybe some things in this story don’t make perfect sense, but it’s magic, so how can we complain? The overall impression is that Strange shows up Mordo yet again. And we’re told that next time, he will have to battle a “far stranger menace.”

I just hope it’s not the Eel.