TALES OF SUSPENSE 54: Excuses, Excuses…

Published: June, 1964

Stark travels to Viet Nam and discovers the Mandarin is responsible for Stark Industries missiles being mysteriously destroyed. Stark has himself taken prisoner by the Mandarin, then goes into his Iron Man routine. They fight, and Mandarin is impressed enough to offer Iron Man a position as Vice-Villain, second in command of his Evil Empire. Of course Iron Man refuses, and in the end, Mandarin captures him with steel bands. Thinking the end is near, Iron Man vows to face death like a freedom-fighting American!

Tune in next time, folks…

LOVE AND DANGER
That’s the basic action in this story, but it’s merely the backdrop for what’s really happening, in the topsy-turvy soap opera. On page three, I ran into something that was so monumental, it absolutely blew me away. When Stark is called to Washington, Pepper wants to travel with him, “to take notes,” but Tony refuses. It didn’t blow me away that Tony refuses Pepper’s thinly veiled advances, but his word balloon is so utterly shocking, it deserves our full attention:

WHAT?? Are you kidding me? This is news! Big news!! Is our favorite millionaire industrialist playboy actually considering settling down? Because “be with her always,” can only be a euphemism for marriage. Especially in the 1960’s.

Now, I may not always be the best at remembering all the little details in these stories (did Thing wallop Doctor Doom with the crowbar before or after throwing a bus at him?) but if Tony Stark was seriously considering domestication, I would have remembered THAT. But honestly, folks, until this moment…it just wasn’t there.

So what’s triggered this drastic change in attitude? If you’ll recall, Pepper recently glammed herself up for the boss, covered her freckles with makeup, poufed her hair, put on a tight-fitting dress—and Tony finally showed some interest. But he barely skipped a beat before going right back to dating Veronica Vogue, followed by an ill-fated fling with Black Widow.

So where are these new thoughts coming from? Could this be a fortunate side effect of getting drawn into the web of the Black Widow? Has facing death at the hands of the Russian femme fatale finally made Tony realize there’s more to a woman than a pretty face and tight-fitting dress? Maybe it’s suddenly occurred to him that he needs to implement more selective criteria, when it comes to choosing the women in his life.

But he doesn’t need to choose Pepper. She’s already in his life. And she’s a good woman, right? Loyal, efficient, feisty. Tony knows he can depend on her. Crazy as his life is, with his government contracts, globe-trotting, and secret identity, deep down he knows he’s yearning for the kind of stability a no-nonsense gal like Pepper Potts could provide.

Ironically, while he yearns for stability, at the same time, it also terrifies him.

But have no fear, Stark! Don’t be terrified. There’s an easy out, and it’s right here in the middle of your thought bubble. You can always fall back on the old reliable superhero excuse: I “dare not expose her to the dangers that IRON MAN must face!”

Ahhh…suddenly, this all makes sense. Stark thinks he can have it both ways, the proverbial having your cake and eating it too. Or in his case, it’s more like wanting to eat the delicious cake that you know will turn your handsome physique to pudge, but guess what? You’re allergic to eggs, so you never actually have to eat cake and get fat, but all the while, you can keep enjoying the idea of cake.

Well…it makes sense to me.

And here’s something else to consider: later, Iron Man hitches a ride on the bottom of a long range missile, thinking, “My built-in oxygen mask and my flexile armor should enable me to endure the shock of blast-off!” To which I say: Should? Should?? Is that really the sort of thing you want to leave in the hands of “should”? But then again, Iron Man lives with the constant threat of shrapnel stopping his heart at any moment, so “should,” is probably good enough for him.

But I say, even though “should” works on that level, it also serves a deeper purpose. As Stark reminds himself how precarious and dangerous his life is, he further convinces himself that as much as he would like to marry Pepper, it’s really not a good idea for either of them.

People come up with all kinds of excuses for avoiding relationships and intimacy, but Tony Stark can legitimately say, “I dare not expose her to the dangers I face.” We saw Smallville’s Clark Kent struggle with this issue right up to almost the very end of the ten-year series, and we know that many a Marvel superhero also chooses to keep their identity secret, specifically to protect their loved ones from a villain’s wrath. It’s a legitimate concern, but at some point, it may also becomes a crutch, an excuse for not getting on with a normal life. Is that what Stark is doing here? Does he let himself believe, “Oh, if only I didn’t face so much danger as IRON MAN, then surely I would like to settle down!” while at the same time secretly thinking, “Thank goodness Iron Man makes my life too dangerous to actually have any real and meaningful relationships!”

When Spider-Man keeps his identity secret, we feel for him. Peter has found Betty Brant and wants to get close to her, but so many of his Spider-Man issues keep making that difficult. But I suspect Stark sees Iron Man as permission to go on being a playboy while he merely flirts with the idea of a serious relationship with Pepper.

At this point, I’m seeing Stark as the emotional equivalent of a spoiled two year old, who wants to have it all. Because at the same time that he’s so busy convincing himself that his life is too dangerous to let Pepper get truly close to him, he’s also jealous of Happy, who gets to spend way too much time with Pepper! Stark broods that there may be a romance brewing beneath all that bickering, then snaps at Happy for no reason other than his unreasonable jealousy.

Stark would probably like it best if Pepper were to go on pining for him, ignoring Happy’s obvious attentions, while he, Stark, continues to hold her at arm’s length, sighing, Oh! If only I COULD have Pepper as my own, but alas…alas…

What a drama queen.

Recently on this blog, Chris Tolworthy commented that Reed Richards “finds relationships confusing and exhausting,” which I have to agree with. But how about Tony Stark? I think he also finds relationships confusing and exhausting.

When are these guys going to grow up?

THE MANDARIN-FLAVORED CORNBALL
I could go on, but I think you get my point. Let’s switch gears for a moment and talk about the villain. This is the second time we’re running into the Mandarin, Marvel’s new “most talked-about villain” (as per the cover). I have to wonder if he really was most talked-about, or is that just hyperbole to convince readers that everyone else thinks Mandarin is really cool, so they should too? Because he’s back, and we need to convince you, so we can sell lots of comic mags.

The first time I met the Mandarin, I was only mildly impressed. This time I’m a wee bit more impressed. Not so much because of the power of his rings, but more because of the way his mind works. In the middle of battling Iron Man, Mandarin forsakes the poo-pooing of his opponent’s abilities, and instead openly acknowledges that a power like Iron Man’s could be useful, and invites his formidable foe to join his evil empire.

In the world of superheroes and super-villains, there can be no higher compliment. Iron Man should feel flattered.

But, while this is a grand gesture, it’s obvious to everyone involved that there’s no chance of this going anywhere. Any superhero worthy of his cape or jet-powered boots is not going to switch sides simply because his opponent asks him to. In fact, if Iron Man were to suddenly stop fighting and ponder the offer, with “Huh! Really? Hmmm… What’s your Retirement Plan? Do you offer Dental?” that would automatically disqualify him for the job. The only way a superhero might work for a super villain is if he was setting a trap, engaging in subterfuge. Mandarin knows this, and Iron Man knows it too. It’s never going to happen, but it’s a respectful nicety of super-being society—sort of like our human custom of complimenting the cook, even as you’re reaching into your pocket for some Tums.

At one point, Iron Man calls Mandarin a “Cornball.” Thus sayeth the man in the red and yellow suit of armor. Iron Man also notes that Mandarin “sounds like a hold-over from the late late show.” Actually, come to think of it, a lot of Marvel villains resemble late-show cornballs. But the saving grace here is that recognizing and admitting this makes it that much less cornballish…if that’s a word. This is a comic book world. The villains wear masks and capes. Heck, the heroes wear masks and capes! It’s ALL cornball. But that’s okay.

SUPEPHERO FASHION
Speaking of masks, Stark has fashioned a new helmet for Iron Man. It’s stronger, lighter and more comfortable than the old helmet, and all that definitely goes down in the plus column, but it doesn’t really look that much different. In fact, if Stan hadn’t made a big fuss about it at the beginning of the story, I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

But since he did make a fuss, I took notice, and I’m here to report two main differences. First, the new helmet has dotted lines where the pieces are held together. Not my favorite design. It may BE stronger and lighter, but the dots give the impression it’s not yet finished. (As someone somewhere once said—and if you know, please share, because I can’t remember where this comes from—“Connect the dots, man! Connect the dots!!”)

Years ago, when I used to sew a bit, I remember something called a “slip stitch,” which is a wide quick stitch you make just to hold two pieces of material together until you can do the real sewing. To me, that’s what Iron Man’s new helmet looks like—a work in progress, that could be torn apart at any moment.

I understand that all the little black dots are supposed to be rivets, holding the entire thing together. Well, if that’s the case, how could it possibly be lighter and more comfortable than the previous helmet, which appeared to be welded? And isn’t this just opening up more opportunities for rust?

More importantly, perhaps, it appears the eye holes are smaller than before. That’s good for protection, but I wonder if the new design impedes his vision. Also, larger eye holes have previously allowed his enemies to see the fierce determination in his gaze. Is he now losing this crucial psychological advantage?

Makes me wonder if that’s what’s behind this sudden Spider-Man-esque chattiness. As Tony engages in battle with the Mandarin, he just can’t seem to shut up! Is this verbal overcompensation due to a subconscious awareness that though his new mask makes him more of a technological terror, the human element is swallowed up by that technology? If Iron Man is simply a fighting machine with no soul, perhaps Stark fears he could be manipulated and defeated as easily as the missiles the Mandarin has been able to control. Perhaps on some deeper level, Stark knows that the Man is more important than the Iron.

I’m not a big fan of this new helmet, and hope it won’t be around for long. However, in the short time I’ve been reading the Iron Man title, I’ve already noted that Iron Man seems to change his armor (I can’t bring myself to call it a “costume”) just about as often as Sue Storm changes her hairstyle. In foe-fighting, as in fashion, if you’re not moving forward, you’re falling behind. And Tony Stark is not one to be left behind! Unless we’re talking about missing out on a lifetime of happiness with the girl of his dreams because he stupidly refuses to apply that gigantic brain of his to figuring out a way he can have it all. No more excuses, Tony! If you can store an entire suit of armor in a slim attache case, and oh…by the way…FLY…surely you can make it work with Pepper Potts!

My advice: go for it!