TALES OF SUSPENSE 56: The Agony of Denial

Published: August, 1964

BAD DAY
We start off with something we don’t see every day, and I must say, it’s rather refreshing. Tony Stark is having a bad day. In fact, he’s having a no good, terrible, very bad day. You might even say he’s throwing a tantrum. Why is that refreshing? Because it shows that while Stark is a man with problems unlike anyone else’s, beneath the iron façade, he too can get overwhelmed from time to time. If superhero millionaire playboy Tony Stark, with his square jaw, piercing blue eyes and thick little black book can have a bad day, then the rest of us are certainly entitled to our “down in the dumps” doldrums now and then.

See! I’m feeling better about myself already.

Of course, Stark doesn’t dwell in his doldrums. Adopting a devil-may-care attitude, he calls for that thick little black book and makes plans to drown his sorrows in the company of buxom beauty Pep—whoops! I mean Pamela. (Lovely moment when Stark’s Freudian Slip shows his perplexed softer side.)

Taking devil-may-care to the n^th degree, Stark even sends Iron Man away on vacation—a move he may regret, come the next issue of The Avengers. But one thing at a time! Iron Man’s vacation is short-lived, because the Unicorn suddenly makes his debut appearance. And I do mean suddenly—one moment there’s no villain, then there he is, on the top of page five, in his Villains-Я-Us green and orange jumpsuit. He gives no good explanation of himself beyond “Let me take you behind the Iron Curtain as my prisoner, or else see your life’s work go up in flames!” Well…come to think of it, that’s probably all the explanation we need.

To protect Pepper and the others at Stark Industries, Iron Man is forced into promising the Unicorn that he will board a plane bound for the Iron Curtain. Of course, he doesn’t promise what he’ll do… AFTER that!

After that, he rips the plane to shreds.

I love it! This is not the first time a superhero has outsmarted a villain with Turn of Phrase. These superheroes may be sticklers for honor, but they also know how to make the stickliness of language work for them. In the future, the smart super-villain will draw up a detailed contract and make the superhero sign in blood before jumping to the conclusion that his evil plans have succeeded.

Am I saying the Unicorn is not a smart villain? Not an impressive villain? Oh, let me count the ways!

1. First, why “The Unicorn”? Traditionally, unicorns are majestic, magical creatures. At best, they’re ethereal and fantastical; at worst, cute and cuddly. Unicorns don’t generally provide the kind of “drama and excitement” promised on the cover.
2. Next, what’s with that get-up? In his green and orange jumpsuit, this Unicorn looks like a close cousin to Paste Pot Pete, or even Plant Man.
3. There’s something to be said for semantics. I understand the “unicorn” motif is all about that protrusion on his headpiece, from which radiates a beam of destruction. I just wish he didn’t refer to it as his “power horn.” Maybe in the kinder, gentler 1960’s, that term didn’t sound quite as peculiar as it does today. Sorry. I just can’t get on board with the “power horn” without snickering.
4. Iron Curtain. Again?? Really? Ho hum, guess we just ran into another one of those crazy Commies. And we know from experience they’re the least likely of all villains to come out ahead in these situations.
5. Okay, he can fly. I’ll give him that. But instead of using this amazing power to fly at Iron Man and battle him in the air, he choses instead to…fly away. His greatest accomplishment in his Marvel Comics debut is not that he destroys or confronts; it’s that he escapes.

HOW QUICKLY THEY FORGET!
So enough about the Unicorn. Let’s move on to the juicy stuff. The last time we saw Stark, he was trying like mad to think up good reasons not to get serious with Pepper. Here we have more of the same. His tantrum at the beginning of the story brings him to a place where he’s willing to throw away everything that means anything to him—even Pepper! See how quickly he calls for his little black book.

Of course, as soon as Pepper is in danger, Stark snaps out of his funk and marvels, “I never realized how I felt about that wonderful little redhead.” First of all: not true! He’s conveniently forgetting the facts. He’s been struggling with his feelings for Pepper for several issues now. But also, you’ll notice also that even before he reaches the end of his sentence, he deludes himself again! By calling Pepper “that wonderful little redhead,” he reduces her to the status of the girls in his little black book. I’ll bet he refers to the Pamela he dates in this story as “That Blonde Bombshell.” And I’m sure in his mind, Veronica Vogue is “Miss Va Va Voom!” Stark feels most comfortable categorizing women by their physical attributes, rather than recognizing them as individuals.

Happy Hogan gets beat up pretty bad in the beginning of the story when Iron Man is “on vacation,” and Pepper is relieved when she learns he’s going to be okay. This is a reasonable reaction, but Mr. Tony “The World Revolves Around Me” Stark imagines it’s all about HIM: “I can never be sure…is Pepper nice to Happy to make me jealous, or…is HE really the one??”

I can’t believe he’s even asking this question! When has Pepper ever been nice to Happy, except when he’s lying in a hospital bed, looking like The Mummy? Stark desperately clings to his narrow interpretation of this incident, trying to convince himself that if there’s even the slightest possibility Pepper likes Happy better than him, he ought to stay out of the picture.

Whew! That was close…

So I guess this triangle is still obtuse. At least one of its points is. We’ll have to come back next issue to look for further developments.

In the meantime, let’s move on to “The Watcher’s Sacrifice!”

“The Watcher’s Sacrifice!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script & Pencils: Larry Lieber
Inks: George Bell
Letters: Art Simek

Tony Stark is not the only one making his life more difficult by practicing the art of psychological denial. Here, we see another example of the needlessly suffering hero.

While observing a battle on a distant planet, the Watcher is entranced by the beauty of the Queen, and calls it “Love.” (“She evokes in me a warmth…a tenderness such as I have never known! I long to be near her!”) You would think with all his eons of watching countless civilizations, the Watcher would have a better grasp on the differences between “love” and “lust.” But okay, I’ll let him get by with this one, because no doubt the Watcher is the greatest Romantic that has ever lived. Right?

However, I can no longer let him get by with these countless pious explanations of how he is not permitted to do anything other than simply watch… right before he butts in big time, changing the entire course of history.

In this story, after mentioning his prime non-interference clause about a half dozen times, he lands upon a loophole that permits him to make an appearance, which sends the barbarians running off in fear of a demon. When they run off, the Queen escapes execution.

And history is changed.

But it gets worse. Because the large-headed toga-ed one feels obligated to uphold his Watcher responsibilities rather than enjoy the personal satisfaction of love/lust, he cruelly rebuffs the Queen’s offer of her kingdom and her heart. The poor girl breaks down in tears, wondering how she could have misjudged him so greatly.

As the Watcher flies off in a jagged puff of yellow energy, observe what a mess he’s made: sure, this civilization still has its Queen (when, technically, they shouldn’t), but what sort of Queen will she be, broken, sorrowful, her self-confidence shaken, perhaps beyond repair?

And none of this need be! If the Watcher observed his own behavior as closely as he watches everyone else’s, surely he would realize how many times he’s broken his own rules. Surely he would understand it’s too late for the “sacrifice” of his personal happiness to have any real meaning, in view of his persistent meddling.

Look. The entire universe would be a lot better off if the Watcher just stayed on his moon and watched the countless civilizations of the universe the same way we watch television. But if he’s not going to do that, let’s at least change his name from “The Watcher” to “The Doer.” Or, if that won’t sell enough comics, how about “The Big Buttinski”?