FANTASTIC FOUR ANNUAL #2: Soup to Nuts

Published: September, 1964

Annuals are troublesome beasts. They’re so damn LONG, I can’t get through one in a single sitting. Maybe a few decades down the road, when Marvel Comics become a lot less wordy, it will be an easier task. But right now, Annuals exhaust me. And this month, there were TWO! So forgive me if I sound a little winded as I offer my observations regarding Fantastic Four Annual #2.

To begin with, Doctor Doom is back. And why not? It’s been much too long since his last appearance, and something as grand as an Annual needs a villain as grand as Doctor Doom. I mean, really…would you be willing to plunk down an entire quarter for more of the Impossible Man? I don’t think so. When you got the big guns, use them!

And not only that, but the cover promises we’re about to learn the origin of Dr. Doom! I don’t know about you, but I’ve sort of been wondering what happened in this guy’s past to make him so grouchy. Well, here we go! We’re about to find out.

THE FANTASTIC ORIGIN OF DOCTOR DOOM!
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: I love a good origin story. And this is a good origin story. How could a story that begins in a gypsy camp not be good? You anticipate some supernatural stuff coming your way, and sure enough, we quickly discover that little gypsy boy Victor von Doom is the son of a healer, skilled in the use of magic potions.

However, when the wealthy Baron of Latveria summons the elder von Doom to save his ailing wife, the poor woman’s condition is beyond the scope of even gypsy magic. The Baron blames the gypsy healer for his wife’s death. This ends badly, with Von Doom junior orphaned and bitter.

The boy soon discovers his deceased gypsy mother was a witch, and vows to learn her secrets. Doom grows up to be a brilliant scientist, AND a snake oil salesman, using both magic and technology to sell his outwardly snazzy yet inwardly worthless cures and inventions.

Oh yeah. He also invents robots and weapons.

The Dean of Science at “State University” visits, offering a scholarship, where von Doom meets fellow brilliant scientist, Reed Richards, who points out that some of Victor’s equations are off by a few decimal points. Rather than listen to reason, the proud von Doom goes ahead with his experiment, which literally blows up in his face.

Disfigured, and more bitter than ever, he travels to Tibet, where he becomes the master of a mysterious order of monks. They fashion him a metal mask. Newly costumed, Doom flies back to his childhood home of Latveria, where he easily installs himself as absolute monarch.

And that, my friends, is how you end up with a villain the magnitude of Doctor Doom. Some marvelous characters have magic, others science, but Doom has both. He’s smart, conniving, and filled with rage, believing both his parents were murdered by “the powers that be.” Which is basically true. It’s the perfect storm of dysfunctionality and multiple sources of untapped potential.

So. About this time you’re probably thinking… “Well, that explains A LOT.” And it does. But this story also raises a couple of questions, most of them minor and inconsequential, but here they are.

• When the Dean of Science from “State University” visits von Doom…what state is that, exactly? I can’t help imagining it’s the same one where Ham and Bergwood are always cheering on the football team in those Allstate commercials.
• Do you think Doctor Doom objected to the word “fantastic” being used to describe anything about him?
• When college student Ben Grimm makes a brief appearance, he’s referred to as “the Touchdown King.” No surprise there, but I’d love to know: Quarterback, Fullback, Halfback or Receiver?
• The monks give Doom a ring that allows him to remove the mask, but camouflage the ring so only he knows it’s there. Interesting! I wonder…a forgotten plot point, or will this come into play in later issues? Well, turns out I don’t have to wait that long. The ring makes another appearance in the second full-length story in this Annual. But wait! Before we get to that, there are a few more treats.

ROGUE’S GALLERY OF VILLAINS
As in the recent Amazing Spider-Man Annual, this issue features a Rogue’s Gallery of Villains, each with a short write-up. Super Skrull, Rama Tut, the Molecule Main, Diablo, the list goes on…but my favorites are the Hate Monger and the Infant Terrible.

I HATE THIS!
The editors admit they got a lot of mail regarding the Hate Monger, and they regret having killed him off. Well…YEAH!! What a great name for a villain, right? They really blew it on this one, not only making the fatal mistake of showing the dead body, but also identifying him as the historical figure Adolf Hitler. There’s just no coming back from that.

But…I wonder… Is there…?? How about a copycat crazy who revives the great name, and that overwhelming spirit of hate, so essential to a good villain? I have no idea at this point, so please don’t spoil me! I’m just saying, it would be a shame to not put a few additional miles on this moniker.

HOW TERRIBLE!
The editors’ remarks regarding the Infant Terrible raised so many issues for me. How easy is it to mold public opinion? Several times I started then scrapped an epic discussion comparing and contrasting today’s social climate to the naivete’ of the 1960’s, but found I couldn’t possibly fit all my ideas in a single post. Let’s boil it down to this: Stan labels the Infant Terrible a “bozo,” claims mixed public reaction, then says he’s not sure if this villain was a success or failure.

Coming from the Master of Superlatives, who regularly plasters phrases like “the greatest” and “most sensational” on the cover of every comic, that’s really saying something. The Marvel Bullpen may excel at promising the biggest and the bestest, which we often have to take with a grain of salt, but it’s refreshing to see that they’re willing to humbly eat crow when they fail.

I wanted to work in the quote, “If 50,000 Frenchmen say a stupid thing, it’s still a stupid thing,” which led to some observations about the comedy of Jerry Lewis, but perhaps we’ll have a chance to discuss all this another time. Right now, let’s move on to the Pin-Ups!

PIN-UPS
For a treat, there are five full page pin-ups: one of each member of the Fantastic Four, and one for honorary Fantastic, Alicia Masters. Call me sexist, but I think Johnny’s handwriting looks way too good for a teenage boy. Most surprising of all, though, is that blind girl Alicia’s handwriting is…well…simply fantastic!

THE FINAL VICTORY OF DR. DOOM
Finally, we have a new story, “The Final Victory of Dr. Doom.” Which leads to a couple of questions. First, isn’t “Doctor” usually spelled out? Just nit-picking. But more importantly, when has Doc Doom ever had even one victory? Don’t most of these stories end with him escaping? Well, I guess that’s better than be captured and carted off to jail, but can we really call this a “victory”? I’m reminded of another saying: “He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.” That’s Doom all over, and here he is again, ready for another fight.

Apparently, only a few moments have passed since we last saw Doom in FF 25 being shot out of a space vessel to most certainly die in the vast nothingness of outer space. However, in a serendipitous turn of events, he’s picked up by a nearby capsule captained by Rama Tut, the Pharoah (or “Pharaoh,” if spelling counts) last seen in FF 19.

If you’re starting to feel this sounds like a dream you once had after too much pizza and beer, just wait! It gets better. When Doom and Tut meet, they compare personal histories and decide it’s entirely possible they are actually THE SAME PERSON at different stages along the same time line.

Whoooooaaahhh… Take another drag, man…

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, and if I haven’t, I’m not ashamed to admit it now: time travel stories baffle me. I enjoy them to no end, but I don’t even pretend, never mind aspire to understand them. This is one of those “just go with the flow,” situations. With that in mind, I offer up for your amusement, the first panel of page 30. Read every word and tell me if any of this makes the slightest bit of sense:

Notice how Tut immediately responds to Doom’s outlandish supposition with a firm, “You are RIGHT!” He didn’t even have to think about it. What a riot! It’s little moments like this that make Marvel Comics so much fun.

Russ tried and tried to explain to me how it might be possible that Doom and Tut are actually the same person, except for one fatal flaw: the one who is further along on the time line would certainly remember they had once been the other, and they would remember meeting the other here. But as far as we can see in this story, both are acting like they’ve never met before.

Of course, with villains, it entirely possible the person further along on the timeline DOES indeed remember, but is not sharing that intel with the fellow villain they just met, even IF that person might actually be HIM. Or maybe, they’re not sharing that info BECAUSE they know the other is actually himself at another point in time, and he knows he can’t trust himself as far as he can throw himself!

See? Make sense?

Anyway, let’s get on with the story. Doom remains committed to destroying the Fantastic Four, and concocts a scheme to cause each of them to hallucinate the worst about their fellow Fantastics. Reed is too smart to drink the Kool-Aid, but Sue imagines Reed kissing another woman, which of course leads to a Big Dramatic Scene. Eventually Sue cools down enough to hear the explanation, and is both relieved and embarrassed. Reed reassures Sue that she is not a fool… “merely a FEMALE!” Jeez. I’m almost surprised he didn’t mention the time of the month.

Johnny drinks the juice and envisions an unprovoked Thing attacking him. Like that’s never happened before. I’ve scanned the pages to try to figure out what Thing hallucinates, but the best I can come up with is that he thinks he’s Fred Astaire.

After Doom’s had his fun toying with the four, he comes in for the kill, matching force field to force field, and both sides get in a bit of clobberin’ time. Sue turns Doom invisible with a “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!” exclamation of “You never suspected that I had the power to turn OTHERS invisible as well as myself!” Well, guess what, Sue? Neither did we. But it’s awfully convenient in a pinch…until we also learn that, apparently, Sue cannot be invisible at the same time as her opponent.

I swear, I think they’re making this stuff up as they go along.

In the end, Reed pulls the “Hey, Doom! Why are you pickin’ on a GIRL??” card, and challenges his enemy to a drinking game instead.

Like the manly men they both are, Doom and Reed swig down the magic potion, then employ the Encephalo-Gun for a round of what can only be described as “Brain Wrestling,” with Doom finally appearing to obliterate his opponent.

You’ll notice how I said “appearing” to obliterate his opponent, because as soon as Doom enjoys his triumphant moment, he stalks off, claiming no further interest in the remaining three. Then Reed shows up and explains that “the juice…enabled the one with the stronger mentality to create an ILLUSION in the brain of the other. And the illusion I created in his mind was the illusion of VICTORY!”

See? I told you Doom’s “Victory” was not going to be everything it was cracked up to be on the cover.

But there are some serious issues at play here. First, we know of course that Doctor Doom has an ego as big as all Latveria, but what does this episode say about Reed? Are we to believe he would risk such dire consequences without being completely convinced of his ability beat Doom at Brain Wrestling? Of course not! Of the two, whose ego is bigger? At this point, it appears a toss up.

But here’s another question: when Thing wants to go after Doom and clobber him NOW, Reed restrains the rock man and explains, “We’re not murderers…we can’t KILL him!” Well…okay. Fair enough. But what about Reed’s next comment regarding Doom? “He’s committed no crime for which he can be arrested!”

What? Doctor Doom has committed no crimes? Really?? Reed goes on to qualify this remark with some mumbo-jumbo about Doom having diplomatic immunity, which may be cumbersomely correct, but it still doesn’t negate the fact that Doom has in fact committed crimes! Many crimes!

This Annual has added a layer of drama by declaring Doom the leader of a foreign nation. But is Marvel now going to hide behind a cloak of diplomatic immunity, so Doom can continue to torment the Fantastic Four and the entire civilized world? It seems a bit too convenient, but hey! If it gets the job done, who am I to complain?

Finally, Reed finishes up his comments on Doom with “All we can do is hope that he never returns…but, if he does…we must stand ready to battle him again!” Perhaps I’m going out on a limb here, but I don’t believe Reed Richards is hoping Doom never returns. I think he’s desperately hoping Doom DOES return, so they can battle again, and he can win again. Providing yet another opportunity for Mr. Fantastic to prove how fantastically superior he is to even his most oppressive opponents. Because honestly, when it comes right down to it, it’s Reed Richards’ world; the rest of us just live in it.