TALES TO ASTONISH #64: Love Is a Many Splintered Thing

Published: February, 1965

Remember that famous scene from the 1985 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Commando, when Rae Dawn Chong gets out of the way of the two battling hulks, exclaiming “I can’t believe this macho bullshit!”? At the time, that line resonated for me, and even now, I have to admit, sometimes while reading Marvel Comics, I fast forward through the superhero battles. (“Fighting ensued…macho bullshit…ho-hum…”)

Honestly, I’m mostly here for the Soap Opera.

But when I sat down to read this month’s Giant-Man, simply looking for some easy “Hot” and “Not” comments for a Meanwhile post, I soon found myself unable to proceed, because the Hank/Jan relationship was reaching deep down into my psyche and churning up such uncomfortable feelings. Maybe a little more soap opera than I had originally bargained for.

AS YOUR WORLD BURNS
You see, I haven’t always been married to Russ. In a previous life, I was married to someone who, though not physically abusive, could probably have been described as at least borderline emotionally abusive. With him, I always felt I had to justify my existence. I don’t really care to rehash all the details, but I will mention that at one time I kept a list of the ten most hurtful things he had ever said to me, and though most of them have thankfully faded from memory, for some reason these two still ring clear as a bell: as a stay-at-home mom, I was sometimes told, “Housework! It’s so damn easy,” and when the kids got older and I began looking for a job, I was told, “No one will ever hire you.” So. Emotionally abusive…or not? You decide.

And now, here I am, reading this month’s Giant-Man, and Hank is pretty much treating Jan like total crap. I have to admit that at first I was not really that disturbed by his over-reaction to Jan dropping the test tubes. Sure, he yells at her, but I understand. He’s frustrated about having to backtrack in his all-important, all-consuming experiment. It’s a gut reaction, a natural reaction.

But after his outburst, he immediately goes right back to work, completely ignoring Jan. And again, I give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking, “Okay, yeah, he’s being a jerk, but…his work…the experiment…” For reasons I don’t completely understand, I’m still giving him a pass. And not feeling comfortable with myself about that.

CRY ’N’ HOPE
But then we come to Jan’s reaction, and now… KA-BOOM! The poor girl is reduced to tears, packing her bags. Really?? I had no idea it was this bad! But then I began to think: she’s been hankering after Hank since issue #44, and he occasionally throws her a bone, gives her a small small sign that he might feel the same way, but overall he’s hardly Mr. Romance. So hot and cold. I don’t blame Jan for wondering if this is really going to work out.

But then she says, “I love him,” and now my stomach is churning, and I have to wonder WHY in the world does she love this jerk, who cares more about his lab equipment than he cares about her?

We see this sometimes in books, movies, TV shows…and yes, even comics. (Remember poor Dorrie, so willing to accommodate herself to Johnny’s temper?) When this sort of thing happens in literature and entertainment, it’s good for storytelling, good for drama. But too often, we see it in real life. And I have no patience or understanding—in literature, entertainment, or real life—for the woman who permits herself to be emotionally abused.

And then I remember…once upon a time, that woman was ME. So it makes me wonder if that’s why I have so little patience for it. When I look back at the person I was all those years ago, I have to wonder, why did I allow myself to be treated that way?

ALL FOR MY CHILDREN
My situation, though, was significantly different from Jan’s. First, I was married, there was a legal bond; Hank and Jan have nothing like that. Also, while Jan may have the social mores of the 1960’s telling her to “stand by her man,” for me, the 1990’s were a lot more liberal. But the church I was attending at the time was anything but; divorce, under almost any circumstance, was a big no-no. I’d made a commitment, and I was determined to see it through.

But it was more than that. Not only was I was married, but I also had two kids—and no huge pile of money (as Jan does…she’s an heiress, remember) if I ever should think about wanting to escape. There was no practical way to get out of this, even if I wanted to—and in my first husband’s defense, he was a really good dad to the kids. Basically, if I cared about my kids (which I did), I was stuck. At least for the time being.

But getting back to our story, while I’m applauding Jan’s decision to leave, to no longer allow herself to be treated so shabbily, at the same time I’m faulting her for still loving the man who treats her so shabbily.

But she does indeed leave Hank, and it’s only when she’s gone that he emerges from his scientific fugue and finally realizes what a dick he’s been. (Well… “I guess I have been pretty hard on her lately” will have to suffice for his moment of self-revelation).

LOVE OF FIGHT
In between all this soap opera there’s some predictable comic book action between Giant-Man and Attuma (“Macho bullshit,” anyone??)—but it’s totally incidental, because the real story is that Hank and Jan finally get back together, and hopefully, he won’t take her for granted, in the future.

Human nature being what it is, though, I’m hardly confident this one incident will be the last of its kind for Hank and Jan. I don’t know what lies in store for them—and please don’t spoil me—but I suspect that, due to their superhero obligations, they will remain together a long time. And because of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I also feel pretty sure that they will eventually marry and have a daughter named Hope, who will also become a superhero. At least that’s what will happen if I can believe the happy ending I see in the movies.

THE GRASS IS GREENER
My own story also has a happy ending. Once the kids got older and began middle school, I went back to work. (See! Somebody did hire me!) I started making a decent salary, and more to the point, I got to where I could support myself and the kids, if I had to.

And eventually I had to. Because, like the superhero whose nobility (or church affiliation) does not allow them to actually kill the super-villain, I was provided an “out.” In the same way that some strange plot twist, or another character, or simply “Fate” steps in at exactly the right moment, in the end, it was my husband’s decision to leave the marriage, thereby absolving me of any religious guilt or wrong-doing in the matter.

These days I’m much more liberal. The kids are grown and doing fine. Russ and I found each other, and I’m much too busy being happy to waste precious emotional energy pondering the plights of my past. Until a comic book story like this comes along to uncomfortably remind me of what has been, and make me thank God for where I am now. As C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, titled one of his books, I have been Surprised by Joy.

“The Horde of Humanoids!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Steve Ditko
Inks: George Bell
Letters: Artie Simek

EDGE OF PLIGHT
Which leads me to the next story in this issue. Advancing into the next chapter of the Banner/Hulk continuing saga, I was greatly surprised by three particular plights detailed in these pages.

First, to get Banner out of his difficult situation, Rick Jones boldly visits the President of the United States to appeal for help. I kid you not! We never see the President’s face, but every indication is that it’s LBJ, and that Jones shares Banner’s entire story with him! Really! How outrageous is that? So now, the President of the United States is in on the big secret known only to Banner himself and teenage sidekick Rick Jones (who, by the way, if I was casting this story in the early 1990’s, I think I probably would have tried to get Luke Perry to play Rick Jones. What do you think?)

But apparently Rick’s clever scheme actually works! The president stretches his presidential muscles, and charges against Bruce Banner are dropped. Whew! That was easy!

But that’s not all! You know Hulk cannot be kept at bay for long, and a good deal of newsprint is given over to the giant angry green one fighting a horde of pink plastic humanoids, who cannot die, or suffer injury, so…how in the world shall we ever get out of this? The writers realized they were painting themselves into a corner, because on the last page, they once again pull out the preposterous bit of logic that when Hulk’s pulse rate goes too high, he is in danger of changing back into Banner. Which of course makes no sense at all. So I’m surprised that we’re once again seeing this bit of nonsense. It reeks of literary desperation.

DAYS OF OUR LIES
But here’s one more surprise, which reeks of hyperbole on overdrive, as I’ve never seen it before. On the splash for this Hulk story, the editor informs us that this title is “the only super-hero soap opera in all of comicdom!”

HELLO! Haven’t I just gone on, for over a thousand words, commiserating how the relationship between Hank Pym and poor little heiress Janet van Dyne stirs up too many difficult memories of my own unhappy first marriage? If that’s not soap opera, what is?? I mean, we all know that though the Hulk title does on occasion veer into soap opera, it is by no means the most soap operatic, never mind the ONLY super-hero soap opera.

So why do the writers feel compelled to make such an outlandish statement that can instantly be challenged and disproven? It’s almost like they don’t care what they write, as long as it appears larger-than-life, and evokes strong emotions in their audience.

But then…isn’t that exactly the essence of soap opera?