AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #21: Why Must I Be a Teenager In Love?

Published: February, 1965

Okay, let’s get the boring stuff out of the way, so we can quickly dig deeper into what’s really happening in this story. The Beetle is released from prison and plots revenge on Torch by kidnapping his girlfriend, Doris Evans. Somehow (don’t ask…) Spider-Man gets involved in this whole thing, and there’s this whole thing where Torch and Spidey fight the Beetle, and sometimes each other, but in the end, all is well.

Which is fine, I suppose, but nowhere near as interesting as the many questions raised about the two teenage couples having to endure this fiasco.

DORIS LOVES JOHNNY…OR DOES SHE?
Johnny and Doris are most prominently featured, and the whole time I’m watching them, all I can think is, “What does Johnny see in her?” Sure, she’s shapely, and her facial features are no less attractive than any of the other female characters in these early Marvel Comics (which is not actually saying much, unfortunately…), but Doris is the most domineering and disagreeable girlfriend any guy could have the misfortune to hook up with—never mind a superhero guy, who deserves much better than this.

The oddest thing about this pairing is that Johnny IS the superhero that Doris so strongly objects to! She’s extremely self-centered, more concerned about whether or not she and Johnny can get to dessert in a restaurant than she is about the poor crime victims who need the Torch’s assistance. If she had her way, Johnny would never be Torch again. Is it a bridge too far to say on some level, Doris despises who Johnny is, at his core?

Then, explain this to me: Because Johnny is one of the rare PUBLIC superheroes, Doris knew what she was getting, when she started going out with him. This information wasn’t sprung on her AFTER she was hopelessly hooked on his good looks and charm. Sometimes, girl, honestly, you get what you pay for.

So what DOES Doris see in Johnny? Good looks and charm, apparently, and I’m guessing as a superhero, he’s quite popular in high school. Is Doris really just about going out with the captain of the football team? That’s my sorry opinion of her, that she is the most shallow teenage girl you could ever meet.

Obviously, I am NOT on Team Doris. Never liked her, and after reading this story, like her even less. (Which, by the way, isn’t it odd that we find out so much about the Johnny/Doris relationship in a Spider-Man tale, rather than a Fantastic Four or Torch story?)

Ultimately, the best part of this story is seeing Johnny pooh-pooh Doris’ call for help. She deserves this ridiculing. And in the end, Johnny teases her with, “You don’t mind me being the Human Torch at all…when you’re in trouble!” But will this experience change her view of superheroes? I would guess…NOT.

JOHNNY LOVES DORIS…I THINK…
On the other side of this equation, inexplicably, with all the mixed messages Doris is sending Johnny, at one point, he says, “She sure is a great gal, even if she DOES have that nutty prejudice against costumed crime-fighters!” Sorry, I beg to differ. I haven’t seen anything about Doris that makes me suspect that she is a “great girl.” And I don’t understand why he isn’t more disturbed by her “nutty prejudice” against the one quality that most defines him.

Because Torch is so much a part of who Johnny is. He revels in his do-gooding, as much as he revels in his Torchy showmanship. Well…okay. Johnny probably enjoys showing off more than the average superhero. And he can impress everyone on the street below…except the one girl he’s going steady with. Why doesn’t that eat him up?? Is HE shallow too?? Merely enthralled by her well-drawn figure and Kirby-esque facial features? Oh, tell me it isn’t so!

DORIS LOVES THE PETER PARKER…OF HER IMAGINATION
But let’s move on.

By an extreme coincidence, Doris happens to meet Peter Parker, whom she instantly labels a “nice, sweet, gentlemanly boy!” After a few minutes conversation she is further impressed that he is “so quiet, so soft-spoken, so gentlemanly!” (Yes, she says “gentlemanly” again.) Science major, cultured, down-to-earth…everything Johnny Storm is NOT.

So, is Doris thinking she would much rather have a boyfriend like gentlemanly Peter Parker, rather than wild and crazy Johnny Storm? If that’s what she’s really thinking, then…do it, girl! Cut Johnny free! Let him get on with his life, without having to put up with your demeaning insults and demands.

Of course, when I stop to think about it…Doris doesn’t really want a boyfriend like the character she perceives Peter Parker to be. No, Doris and Johnny are too much alike, and maybe that’s why they stick together. They are both strong-willed personalities, vivacious, confident, energetic. In some weird way, they thrive on the drama and tension inherent in their relationship. Otherwise, why would they still be together?

BETTY LOVES PETER, BUT FEELS UNWORTHY
But let’s leave Johnny and Doris for a while and take a look at Betty and Peter. Oh, poor Betty. Every time I see her, the girl is practically in tears, thinking Peter is cheating on her. Unlike Doris, Betty has absolutely NO self-confidence. But she does have an extremely active imagination. She can take a circus ticket, or a piece of idle gossip heard on the street and turn it into confirming evidence that Peter doesn’t love her, he never loved her, and he’s going to dump her. Any minute now.

A few issues back, Betty started going out with a fellow named Ned. Before you could say “Amazing Spider-Man,” Ned was flying off to Europe, so now he’s out of the picture. But Betty never loved Ned. The strongest emotion she ever felt regarding Ned was disappointment over the fact that Peter did not appear at all jealous that she was dating him.

Obviously Betty loves Peter. But not in a good, healthy way. No, it’s in the sit-by-the-phone-and-cry-until-he-calls way. I would love to know Betty’s background, what has made her so insecure.

PETER LIKES BETTY, BUT THE BOY HAS A LOT ON HIS PLATE
And Peter likes Betty. I think it might be a bridge too far to say he “loves” her, but he cares about her, and wants her to be happy, wants them to be happy together…but that’s difficult, when Betty keeps flying off in fits of tears every other issue. Peter must be thinking, “Women! I’ll never understand them!”

But then, there’s a lot Peter doesn’t understand. Why is it that everyone loves Torch, but runs away when Spider-Man shows up? Why is his boss J. Jonah Jameson always yelling at him? Girl trouble, money trouble, school trouble, bully trouble! No matter where he looks…trouble! Between Peter and Betty, it’s hard to know who has more distressing issues.

LOVE IS A MANY TANGLED THING
So, let’s recap:

• Doris and Johnny are a hot mess. Betty is a hot mess. And Peter’s entire life is a hot mess.
• Peter and Johnny are as opposite each other as Betty and Doris are opposite each other. And when you put them all together, the couples they form are equally opposite each other!
• Johnny and Doris are perhaps too much alike…but is that really working out for them? And Peter and Betty might have a chance at success…with professional counseling. Or at least a good self-help book.

Oh, what a web of interpersonal relationships are woven in this installment of Amazing Spider-Man! The angst! The tears! The bitter resentments and foolish games!

Makes me glad I’m not a teenager anymore.