STRANGE TALES #122: Where Are You When We Need You, Doc Doom?

Published: July, 1964

It’s only mid-1964 in Marvel comics, and already I’m nostalgic for the good ol’ days. You know the days I’m talking about: when Doctor Doom makes an actual appearance and causes real trouble for our heroes. Here, Doom is shown on the cover with an apologetic “Doctor Doom does not appear in this story. We just felt like drawing his face.” Oddly, after that, he does show up in a brief flashback… but it’s not even a speaking part! And everything that happens after this flashback makes me fervently hope the “three merciless henchmen” we are left with for the rest of the story are merely a bump in the road of Marvel villaindom, not a trend for the future.

Fancy Dan, Montana and Ox. I was not extremely impressed when they debuted in Amazing Spider-Man #10, and most recently as backup for the Green Goblin in this month’s Amazing Spider-Man #14. But…why am I talking about these three now? They don’t appear in Strange Tales #122, do they?

No. But they might as well.

Instead of Fancy Dan, we’re graced with the presence of Handsome Harry. To his credit, Harry’s a little easier on the eyes than Dan, but essentially they have the same superpowers: none. Montana has been replaced with the more exotic Yogi Dakor, but both swing a rope as a weapon. And Ox is Bull, Bull is Ox. It doesn’t much matter; they’re interchangeable tough guys.

My question is…why? Why even bother creating Harry, Yogi and Bull? Dan, Montana and Ox already exist, and they serve the same purpose. Do we really need to start crowding up the Marvel Universe with superfluous bad guys? All this does is confuse the reader. Namely…me.

Which brings up one of my pet peeves about entertainment. Why is it that sometimes you’ll watch a movie or TV show where all the characters look basically the same (lookin’ at you, WB)? You’re new to this particular universe, just trying to get your bearings, and every guy in his late twenties has short, dirty blonde hair. Every shapely woman is a brunette. Every black guy is bald. Look, we’re new here. A little courtesy, please! How about some red curly hair? How about dreads? I wouldn’t even mind the token blonde bimbo now and then, if it helps me keep track of who’s who.

That’s what’s going on here, with these two groups of lower division baddies. I just don’t see the need for so many of them who are so similar. Especially when none of them have any outstanding ability to do any real damage.

Well, it feels good to get this off my chest. Now, let’s move forward in the action.

As we’re reminded in flashback, Handsome Harry, Yogi and Bull were previously the “colorful henchmen” of Doctor Doom, who at the end of Fantastic Four #23, sent them to an alternate dimension. But now they’re back, and they don’t seem at all upset about Doom’s promise of $5,000 each being a ruse that sends them to an alternate dimension. No, instead, they refer to Doom as their “master” and eagerly look forward to his return, planning to gain his favor by knocking off the Fantastic Four. Never mind that in FF #23 they couldn’t do it WITH Doom’s help, they’ve deluded themselves that they’ll now be able to do it without Doom’s help. We have no idea where these three went, when Doom sent them to that alternate dimension, but my best guess is the Fairy Land of Eternal Optimism, where All Your Wildest Dreams Come True.

And why do they care what Doom thinks of them, anyway? Are they that anxious to be tricked again? Or hopeful they’ll be sent back to their alternate dimension? I understand they were grateful, in FF #23, when Doom sprung them all from jail, but what motivates them now, in Doom’s absence?

If your villains aren’t incredibly villainous, they should at least have clear motivations.

But for no reason other than a misguided desire to please the missing master, Harry, Yogi and Bull decide to take on the Fantastic Four. Here, however, they only get as far as Torch, and even that doesn’t go well for them.

They choose to go after Johnny first, deducing that because he’s the youngest, he’ll be the easiest to capture. And for a while, it looks like they might be right. Young Johnny displays an incredible naiveté when Handsome Harry shows up claiming to be a reporter from a hot rod magazine. Okay, I know Johnny’s young, but he’s certainly no sheltered wallflower, and he needs to stop acting like one. A guy in his position, as superhero, has to stop being so gullible, trusting every person who shows up at his doorstep with some incredible story or offer. Especially if they’re wearing sunglasses, which is apparently all it takes in this universe to make someone completely unrecognizable. What’s more, later in the story, Johnny also falls for the old Three Stooges “Hey! Who’s that behind you?” trick that allows Handsome Harry to soak him with a high-powered water gun.

Really?? Johnny needs to start using his BRAIN at least half as often as he uses his FLAME.

Once captured by Yogi’s asbestos rope, wrapped in an asbestos blanket, and taken to an asbestos-lined trailer (is it just my imagination, or does everything in the Marvel Universe come in “Asbestos” as well as “Non-Asbestos”?) Johnny finally does apply some smarts, and fills the trailer with smoke, which attracts the fire department, and he’s set free. Immediately, he runs home, where he dries off in a “Quick-Drying” Shower, that Reed has built behind the garage. If you’re a guy like Johnny, I guess it’s a good idea to have a Quicky Drying room, though I’m not sure how this works. I’m no scientist, but I have to wonder how “thin streams of concentrated STEAM heat” help you dry off. Isn’t steam simply really, really hot water? How does anything composed of water help you dry off?

But he does, and faces the colorful henchmen once again, this time finally emerging victorious over Fancy Dan, Montana and—

Oops. I mean the other three colorful henchmen. Who, after being vanquished by Torch, are apparently on their way back to jail, no doubt hoping against hope that “the master” will return and once again bail them out, because after all, how could the likes of Doctor Doom possibly carry out his evil schemes without the assistance of three such criminal masterminds?

One more comment on this story. In case you’ve been lying awake at night, wondering what it sounds like when a human head makes an impact with an asbestos door, now at last the answer is clear: it’s… KA-BLONG!

So! Now that THAT’S been cleared up, we’re free to move on to the next story, Dr. Strange in “The World Beyond!” This is how it goes:

“The World Beyond”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Art Simek

Dr. Strange arrives home so weary he forgets to say his protective chant before sleeping, and is captured in the Nightmare World. Nightmare relieves Strange of all his powers, then spends a lot of time gloating about his own, making a bunch of those “See how easily I…” statements so common to egotistical villains.

But Strange hypnotizes Nightmare into believing the sleepless Gulgol is about to attack, and Nightmare frantically agrees to return Strange’s powers to him, if only he will get rid of that gosh-darned Gulgol.

Realizing he’s been tricked, Nightmare trades in his “See how easily…” speeches for rants against the accursed Strange. Strange flies off in Superman-mode, spouting bold words about “the power of justice and truth!”

We get a clearer picture of Nightmare in this outing. Previously he was in shadows, undefined, but now we can see the pattern of his outfit, and every messy hair on his head. He does indeed seem a formidable foe for Dr. Strange, one I certainly would not wish to meet in my dreams.

Actually, I would be quite happy to never visit the Nightmare World, if this is what it’s like. I’m a big fan of Dr. Seuss, but tint the Seuss world with an edge of evil, and this is what you get. It’s not a pretty picture. This also disturbed me: as Nightmare spins Strange around in a bubble, “the dizzying circle gets wider and wider, faster and faster.” Wouldn’t circles get faster as they get smaller, not wider? In the real world…yes. But in the Nightmare World, perhaps not. Everything here is odd and upside down, and I do not like it. I do not like it here or there, I do not like it anywhere!

But I do like the little detail that Strange is safe from Nightmare, as long as he remembers to (basically) say his bedtime prayers. If he forgets, he’ll have to deal with Nightmare again, and this time the demon may not be so easily duped.

Incidentally, Strange’s nightmare begins with a visit from “a mysterious figure, cloaked in darkness…covered with an aura of evil!” When the figure’s face is finally revealed, we seem to be looking at a mutated version of Dicken’s third ghost from “A Christmas Carol” or…could it be?…Doctor Doom!!

Perhaps in the Nightmare Realm, Doom’s face is pink? Why not? This might explain where he’s been hiding out from the fanboy attentions of Handsome Harry, Yogi and Bull. Or is Doom merely “moonlighting,” in one of those alternate dimensions?