X-MEN #6: Cooks, Magnets, Fancy Underpants And Other Things

Published: July, 1964

As I read this story, I kept stopping to jot down notes. So, I’m going to try something new. This post will consist of my notes, followed by elaboration. These are the things that go through my mind, as I read a Marvel comic.

THEY HAVE A COOK?
On the splash, we see the X-Men sitting down to enjoy a nice family meal together, and Professor X thanks Jean for preparing the food on the cook’s day off. This blew my mind. They have a cook? Suddenly, I’m thinking…Whoa! Why didn’t I think of this before? What do we have here—a group of teenagers (mostly boys) and a guy in a wheelchair. How do they eat? Which of them has the Culinary Superpower? None, that I know of. They MUST have outside help, just to keep the place up and running. Cook, housemaid, gardener…maybe even a butler? Am I hearing the theme song for Upstairs, Downstairs? These superheroes have enough studying and saving the world to do on their own; they really can’t be bothered to stop and clean a toilet or boil the potatoes. It makes sense that there would be a domestic staff.

Now, this opens a whole can of worms. Who’s on this staff, and how much do they know about what really goes on in Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters? Are these average homo sapiens who think they’re simply tending a bunch of smart kids? What goes through their mind when they see the students walking around in those crazy yellow and blue uniforms? Have they ever seen Angel’s wings? Beast’s feet?

Here’s a possibility: if they are homo sapiens, maybe Professor X bathes their minds in some light hypnosis to prevent them from asking too many questions. But wouldn’t that tax him unnecessarily? Here’s another thought: perhaps the staff is “in on it,” fully aware of the students’ special “gifts.” If so, they would be human beings the Professor felt he could trust implicitly. Maybe “the cook” is the same cook who cut little Charlie’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when he was a wee one, growing up in the Xavier mansion.

Okay, one more: the hired staff are ALSO homo superiors (man, it just never feels right saying that…) but their particular superpowers are not so useful against fighting evil, leaning more in the direction of Samantha Stevens’ nose-twitching or Jeannie’s head-bobbing, to get mundane tasks done in a hurry. If that’s the case, there might be one tremendously talented “cook” who runs the whole “Downstairs” operation of Professor Xavier’s School for the Gifted, and still has plenty of time left to type up the students’ term papers at a whopping 300 wpm.

It boggles the mind, once you start thinking about it. One thing for sure—whatever the answer to this mystery, I want to know more. If Stan and company don’t address the issue, at the very least, it deserves a Fan Fiction!

THEY’VE GOT A MISSION
Over a steaming hot cup of coffee (apparently prepared by Jean, on the “cook’s” day off), Professor X announces that their mission is to locate unattached mutants before the evil mutants can find them. This is news to me. If I’m remembering correctly, to this point, the “mission” has been to train and train and train so that they will be ready to fight for truth, justice and the American way, whenever that need might arise. But I guess the recent emergence of Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants has upped the ante. Good. I like this. It gives more substance to their reason for being. Training is good, but you’ve got to be training for something. I like that the mission has been defined. Now we’re going somewhere.

WHEN HE SEES MY FANCY UNDERPANTS, HOW CAN HE RESIST?
Magneto cracks me up. He’s so full of himself. And he’s completely clueless about what’s going on in the rest of the superhero community. He sets his sights on Namor, the Sub-Mariner, and declares, “He shall obey Magneto!” Obviously Magneto’s been so busy trying to manage his unruly band of misfits that he hasn’t had time to keep up with his comic book reading. If he had, he’d know that the King of the Sea is not going to bow down in submission to anyone, least of all a surface man who wears purple underpants over his tights.

Magneto’s living in a dreamworld, where both his minions and his enemies quake and cower at the mere mention of his name. The funny part is that early in the story Magneto has to admit that X-Men have foiled him at every turn. The X-Men. A bunch of teenagers. How sad is that? Magneto is the neighborhood curmudgeon, plotting his revenge against the adolescent hooligans who keep running across his lawn. When he decides he needs Sub-Mariner to help him defeat the X-Men, that’s the saddest moment of all. Basically, he’s admitting, “I can’t handle these kids on my own, I need help.”

I hope we see brighter days for Magneto. Meeting him in the X-Men movies, I’ve always considered him such a powerful villain, but this version seems so pathetic in comparison.

IS THERE NO END TO THESE SUPERPOWERS?
Apparently Magneto has the ability to send out an illusory figure of himself, somewhat like Dr. Strange’s ectoplasmic self. Professor X can do the same, but he calls it a “mental image,” or “a projection of his mind.” Well, it doesn’t much matter what you call it, it’s an awfully convenient skill.

Oh yeah! And later, when Magneto approaches one of Namor’s lower level managers, he can “sense the greed and envy in this man’s heart.” Is that an actual superpower, or just sort of like women’s intuition? Wow! In this story, Magneto’s got so many convenient superpowers I never knew he had. Now, if he would just take some Interpersonal Skills & Management Training courses, he might have something going here.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING
How quickly after FF 27 does this story take place? Because Sub-Mariner is STILL in a rage over what happened in that book. It appears that story just wrapped up and this one begins, moments later. It’s good timing, because an angry Namor is a formidable Namor.

TO MUTANT…OR NOT TO MUTANT? THAT IS THE QUESTION…
Namor is a king, the Monarch of the great undersea civilization. As we learned in Fantastic Four Annual #1, his parentage is mixed – human father, Atlantean mother. With this in mind, I’ve never thought of him as a “mutant,” and I’m flabbergasted that he would even consider the possibility.

Now, I haven’t been around the Marvel universe very long, but neither had anyone else at this time. Maybe there’s more to “mutants” than I currently know, but the way I understand it, a mutant is someone who has experienced some kind of mutation, which makes him different from the norm. When a lion and a tiger make a baby together, and out pops a Liger, that’s not a mutation, is it? It’s the natural result of combining two different species.

Wouldn’t a mutation be more like, two tigers have a cub together, and that cub has a mane? Unusual. Out of the ordinary. A…mutation.

I’m no Carl Sagan, or even remotely qualified to speak about evolution, but I don’t see how Namor could be considered a mutant.

THE THIRTY SECOND PERSUASION
Not only does Namor consider the idea that he might be a mutant, but he latches on to this surprisingly quickly. Observe the progression

On page 9, he’s just introduced to the idea:

In the very next panel, he considers the possibility:

And only one panel later:

In half a page, Namor goes from “I’ve never even considered that I might be a mutant!” to “I must see this FELLOW mutant for myself!” No Madison Avenue ad campaign ever worked quicker to persuade its target audience to line up and buy such a bunch of hooey. I thought Namor would be smarter than this, but perhaps he is so desperately seeking an explanation for his unique position in the universe.

THAT’S ONE MIGHTY STRONG MAGNET THERE, FELLA
The X-Men sail in a wooden ship, yet Magneto’s magnet is able to tear it to shreds. Well, it IS “the largest magnet on earth.” Does that explain its incredible power?

YOU CAN’T TREAT A LADY THAT WAY!
Oh, this is rich! Namor’s been hanging around, waiting to see how things will play out, then makes his irrefutable decision when he hears Magneto talking roughly and inconsiderately to Scarlet Witch. Namor’s gallantry regarding the treatment of women sends him straight over to the right side. It’s not anything about ruling the world or subduing the surface people that ultimately convinces him. His honor is offended when he sees the way Magneto mistreats… a female.

I’LL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN
As Sub-Mariner returns to the sea, he ponders the beauty of the Scarlet Witch, but decides he can never again love another surface woman. They’re just too much trouble. Is this simply an idle thought…or might we go somewhere with a Namor/Wanda romance? And wouldn’t that be just the thing to knock Sue Storm out of his system for good? Oh, there could be great changes in store for the epic FF Love Triangle!

And if Sub-Mariner no longer pines for Ms. Storm, how would she feel about that? A bit disappointed, I’m sure.

SIGH…
As we near the end of this story, Magneto’s Band of Evil Mutants is down to three: himself, a toad, and a jealous illusionist. Things are not looking up for Evil these days, are they?

But then, in the penultimate panel, Magneto takes back Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch by means of a mental command. So disappointed! I was really hoping this story would be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. These two so clearly do not belong with the Evil League of Evil. Their alliance is first of all to each other, and then to “What Is Right.”

As for Magneto, sure he gets them back, but I wonder why he wants them. He should be smart enough to realize that they’ll eventurally turn against him. The longer they’re with him, the more insider intel they can gather, and that intel will ultimately prove dangerous to him when the Witch and her brother make their final move over to the the side of “What is Right.”

Any normal, intelligent person would see this handwriting on the wall, but though Magneto is smart, there’s one thing bigger than his intellect: his ego. He’s so full of himself, he can’t even consider the possibility that anyone would want to leave his presence.

It seems inevitable that his enormous ego will one day be his undoing.

FINAL THOUGHTS
This was a fun story. Well, it’s always fun when Namor shows his pointy ears and arched eyebrows, and the juxtaposition of so many strong personalities among the combatants provides lots of good soap opera. Can’t wait to see what happens next!