TALES TO ASTONISH #59: Adjustments

Published: September, 1964

Here’s what happens: Giant-Man wants the not-so-jolly green giant to rejoin the Avengers, so he and Wasp travel to New Mexico. The Human Top follows, eager to exact his revenge on Giant-Man. Top finds the Hulk, who’s acting very hulkish, and settles him down just long enough to explain that Giant-Man is in the vicinity.

This instantly sets Hulk on the warpath against Giant-Man. They meet and fight in the evacuated town streets, but General Ross is also on the warpath, and fires a missile at them. Hulk catches the missile, saving Giant-Man’s life. Hulk reverts to Banner, and Betty is glad.

Lots of old familiar faces, with plenty of recurring themes, yet perhaps Marvel is setting the stage for something new…a revival for the Hulk? Well, before we can even consider that possibility, let’s take a look at what happens when you combine a giant, a hulk and a top.

OPTIMISM SUPREME VS. PESSIMISM DELUXE
As the story opens, Giant-Man can’t stop thinking about the Hulk. He feels sorry for him. It’s actually sweet how he keeps thinking if only he can find Hulk, he could persuade him to rejoin the Avengers. Giant-Man’s heart is as big as his…well, everything else. Is this an expression of the idealism of the 1960’s, or is Henry Pym really that naïve? Still, it’s good to see someone in Hulk’s corner for a change.

But perhaps there’s something to this. Maybe all Hulk really needs is a friend? Someone to support him and believe in him? Let’s stop and think about this for a moment. If you were large and mean and green, and nobody liked you, you’d be a little depressed too. In fact, listen to what Hulk says when he thinks he’s about to be pulverized by a missile:

Oh, my…You really gotta feel sorry for the poor guy. Would it boost his green-esteem, if he knew he was getting his own comic mag feature back, as soon as next month? Apparently many readers liked the Hulk a whole lot more than he likes himself. Too bad he doesn’t realize what an amazing creature he is.

However, here’s what strikes me as most amazing of all: for a bulky, hulky, lumbering sort of overgrown fellow, Hulk gets off that entire self-deprecating speech within microseconds of catching the missile with a mighty “Whoom!” He may be big, but he’s not slow. The boy has skills.

I ASKED YOU NOT TO DO THAT!
And it may be that Hulk is actually a little quicker at catching missiles than Pym is at “catching on” when it comes to women. As they set off on their adventure, Giant-Man suggests to Wasp that he can “think” her back to normal size. She replies with a hearty, “Henry J. Pym!! I ASKED you not to DO that!”

So! It appears Jan is no more on board with this “mentally shrinking the little woman” magic trick than I was when it first came to light. Good to know she’s standing up for herself, but isn’t Pym a bit of a jerk to suggest it, even after she’s made her position clear?

That’s what I thought at first, but then I realized this may be Stan’s attempt at putting this unfortunate development to rest…permanently! In a single panel, he acknowledges this superpower exists, and that Jan is displeased. I’d say she’s putting her little foot down in a big way. So hopefully that’s the last we’ll hear of that.

Of course, these were my thoughts after reading the main story. Imagine my surprise when I got to the special feature “Let’s Learn About Hank and Jan,” and discovered that this ability to “instantly alter the size of his gorgeous partner-in-peril” is being touted as one of Giant-Man’s superpowers! Now which is it? We can’t have it both ways. We can’t have Wasp insisting, “I told you not to do that!” and still have him doing that.

I can only come up with one explanation, so let’s try this out: Stan gives Giant-Man this superpower in Tales to Astonish #58. After that, he writes “Let’s Learn About Hank and Jan” for TTA 59. It’s all laid out, ready to go to the printer. In the meantime, something happens before he writes the main story for TTA 59. Maybe Gloria Steinem sends him a nasty letter? Maybe his wife reads #58 and says…”What the…?!! Uh…c’mere, honey, we have to talk.”

I guess it doesn’t matter how it happened, as long as we don’t have to hear about it again. If you know, please don’t spoil it for me. Looking forward to things NOT happening in Marvel comics is almost as good as looking forward to the things that do happen.

MAKEOVER!
In his second appearance, the Human Top doesn’t do much, but he’s looking better than ever. First, we see him as Davy Cannon, sitting up in bed on an enormous pillow, reading the newspaper and smoking a cigarillo. What a great image!

The Top has figured out that his “old stupid costume” (an oversized green turnip) made him too easy to recognize, so as many super-villains are doing these days, he gives himself a makeover. Instead of spinning around in brilliant green, he now spins around in shiny gray…or is it white? Well, that’s a little less obvious than before. As long as he sticks to the city streets or sandy desert and doesn’t go into the countryside.

I don’t know if we’ll see the Human Top again. I’m guessing we will, because it’s really hard to get rid of these mediocre villains, especially when they’re not apprehended by the police and sent to prison, no matter how short their sentence might be.

ME HULK…ME EMO
But this story is not about Top. It’s about HULK. He’s back, in a big way, he’s totally emo, but maybe he’s not as bad as everybody thinks he is. Betty hasn’t lost her enthusiasm for Robert Bruce Banner, and her dad is still exclaiming “Bah!” at the thought of his only daughter dating a scientist. And Banner is still having an awful time controlling those mood swings. There’s so much good soap opera left in these characters!

A BANNER BY ANY OTHER NAME…WOULD SMELL AS SWEET?
I really got a chuckle over the attempts to clean up yet another small mess. Care is taken to TWICE mention that Banner’s full name is Robert Bruce Banner. We can only assume that, by this time, it had been brought to Stan’s attention that he mistakenly called the scientist Bob Banner in Fantastic Four #25. Here, the name Robert Bruce Banner makes for a nice cover story. Yeah…right…ROBERT Bruce Banner…that’s the ticket…

Of course, scientist Banner looks nerdier than ever here, giving credence to General Ross’ displeasure with his only daughter taking up with the guy, rather than (as Ross puts it) any of the “hundreds of rugged, husky military men” at his command.

But how memorable would Betty be if she hooked up with a rugged, husky military man? Her pitiful attachment to nerdy science boy Banner is just about the only thing that makes her interesting. Well, that…and her insistence on wearing high heels in the desert.

THE FUTURE IS…NOW!
I need a little set-up on my next point.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t aware of a pop culture figure called the Incredible Hulk, and I guess I always suspected he was a comic book character, but I had no idea if he belonged to Marvel or DC, because frankly, it’s only been in the last ten years or so that I’ve become aware there’s a difference between “Marvel” and “DC.” I don’t know what I thought before this, except to say that, well…I actually didn’t think much about comic books at all.

Back in those days, with only a vague understanding of what the Hulk was all about (didn’t that My Favorite Martian guy play him on some TV show?), the giant green guy with anger management issues interested me even less than the average superhero or super-villain. I mean, he gets mad, he gets green, he destroys things. Big deal.

I went into my first issues of Marvel Comics with this attitude about Hulk, but was quickly surprised to find the character had so many layers, and such a rich and varied supporting cast of characters. Over several issues, Hulk went from being one of my least favorite characters ever to…well, if not one of my favorite characters, I can at least say I found his story fascinating.

I was disappointed, therefore, when the Hulk title went away after only six issues. I felt there was too much good storytelling left in this situation, and that his immense (no pun intended) popularity decades later had to be based on more than a long career of guest appearances. Also, when I recently helped Russ organize his comics collection, I noticed many books with HULK on the cover. So I’ve known for some time that he would someday be coming back to his own book. But when?

With each guest appearance since the Hulk title went away, I’ve found myself more and more intrigued with the intricacies of Bruce Banner’s split personality. Then this issue of Tales to Astonish not only features Hulk in another one of those guest appearances, but also promises a “Big Surprise Announcement.” Could this be it? At last? My hopes were high.

And sure enough…that’s it exactly! “Starting next ish, the incredible Hulk will appear regularly as the second starring feature in Tales to Astonish!” I’ve been anticipating this for a while, and I can’t tell you how delighted I am that it’s finally happening! Imagine that: some big green guy that likes to smash things, and me, a mere girl, who a short time ago barely knew the difference between Mister Fantastic and Mister Freeze, happy to see a character like Hulk moving up in the world.

Of course this means Wasp will have to curtail her community service of telling tales to orphans and veterans, but honestly, I don’t think anyone’s complaining.