THE MARVELOUS AWARDS: VILLAIN AWARDS

Posted on March 7, 2014 by Chrissy

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

VILLAIN AWARDS

When I left you at the end of yesterday’s Supporting Cast Awards, I recognized that some of the super-villains who are about to receive awards in this next installment of The Marvelous Awards may take exception to my opinions. I passed a sleepless night, wondering if I ought to risk putting myself in personal danger, but then decided…no! The truth must be told! And so, without further ado, let us proceed to the most trepidatious part of these awards: the very best and the very worst of Marvel’s Super-Villains!

UGLIEST VILLAIN

And so I begin right away to bruise some super-egos. Because surely nobody wants to be called “ugly,” not even super-villains. Villains may aspire to a fearsome and intimidating appearance, but would prefer to leave the tag of “ugly” for their opponents and pocketbook-sized pets with little or no hair. Yet I find there are far too many villains who personify the definition of “ugly,” but here I will only mention a few of the top contenders.

In the category of Ugliest Villain, the nominees are:

  • Mole Man
  • Puppet Master
  • Vanisher

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And the Award goes to…

The Puppet Master, for the odd combination of teeth and long eyelashes. eerrrhew!

MOST INNOVATIVE SUPER-VILLAIN COSTUME

They say that clothes make the man, and in the case of a good super-villain, that’s doubly so! A good costume not only sets the villain apart from his cohorts visually, but also aids him in his criminal pursuits.

In the category of Most Innovative Super-Villain Costume, the nominees are:

  • Porcupine
  • Chameleon, with his multi-pocket disguise vest
  • Vulture

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And the Award goes to…

The Porcupine. I’ve never been impressed by the Vulture, and the Chameleon’s vest is just a tad more sophisticated than my junior high Home-Ec sewing project. But Porcupine manages to incorporate multiple threats within his needles, and the whole business seems so organic, so natural, you’d almost believe he is a porcupine!

GOOFIEST SUPER-VILLAIN COSTUME

And then there’s the other side of the coin. The guy in the neighborhood costume shop who designed these outfits for his customer had best be looking over his shoulder. He’s in trouble for making his client look like a doofus.

In the category of Goofiest Super-Villain Costume, the nominees are:

  • Paste Pot Pete’s artistic clown outfit
  • The Hate-Monger’s giant “H” tunic and KKK mask
  • Mr. Doll’s jester headpiece over blue jeans and green jacket
  • Loki’s scaly yellow underpants

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And the Award goes to…

Pete! Any time we mention the word “goofy,” Paste Pot Pete has to be in the conversation. Extra points for keeping his opponents off guard, wondering if ol’ Pete is heading to the battlefield, or hoping to join the circus. “A” for effort to Loki and The Hate-Monger for attempting to keep up, but a failing grade to Mr. Doll, who isn’t even trying.

BEST USE OF DISGUISE BY A SUPER-VILLAIN

In contrast to the flamboyant super-villains who want you to take notice, others pride themselves on the ability to blend in, transform themselves, or disappear altogether. When the disguise appears to be no disguise at all, then the use of disguise is most effective.

In the category of Best Use of Disguise by a Super-Villain, the nominees are:

  • The Space Phantom, who sends his victims to Limbo while he impersonates them
  • The Chameleon, whose entire superpower is based on impersonation
  • The Actor, who can manipulate his rubbery face to resemble almost anyone with the aid of a little make-up

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And the Award goes to…

The Space Phantom, because he accomplishes his trickery by mystical means, so that his victims are “banished to Limbo, the silent world between shadow and substance.” The others rely too much on “substance,” needing makeup and clothing to complete their task. Too slow! Too awkward!

WIMPIEST VILLAIN

Super-villains, like schoolyard bullies, have egos the size of Montana, sometimes leading them to think they’re the most fearsome entity on the planet. Sadly for them, when someone eventually stands up to them, reality soon sets in…

In the category of Wimpiest Villain, the nominees are:

  • Gargoyle in Hulk #1: “I’d give ANYTHING to be normal! Anything!”
  • The Skrulls in Fantastic Four #2: “We hate being Skrulls! We’d rather be anything else!”
  • Stone Men of Saturn in Journey Into Mystery #83: “Back!! Back to the ships at once!! We must FLEE this accursed planet!!”

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And the Award goes to…

The Skrulls. I understand the Skrulls will go on to provide a serious challenge to our stable of superheroes, but here in Fantastic Four #2, there is nothing wimpier than hating yourself so much, you would rather be a cow.

MOST FEARSOME VILLAIN

And then there are the truly fearsome evildoers. These guys are sometimes more powerful than even they realize. If they ever learn to get past those pesky super-villain tropes (like placing the heroes in intricate death traps, instead of–you know—killing them), then the world’s in real trouble.

In the category of Most Fearsome Villain, the nominees are:

  • The Sandman, because “Nothing Can Stop The Sandman!”
  • Super Skrull, because he possesses “all the powers of the Fantastic Four…and even more!”
  • Doctor Doom…do I even need to give a reason?

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And the Award obviously goes to…

Doctor Doom, of course. Unlike the Super Skrull, he has not yet been vanquished, and unlike the Sandman, his evil motives are not as pedestrian as quick cash. He desires evil and mayhem on a large scale, and no matter how many times the Fantastic Four thwart him, he keeps coming back for more.

BEST USE OF HYPNOSIS BY A SUPER-VILLAIN

Look into my eyes! You are getting sleepy…sleepy… But there’s no falling asleep for the reader, when a super-villain applies the powerful trick of hypnosis to his victims. Some of the most unsettling stories often involve loss of will, through this dangerous, mystical means.

In the category of Best Use of Hypnosis by a Super-Villain, the nominees are:

  • The Ringmaster, who employs mass hypnosis to rob circus patrons
  • Trago the musician, who hypnotizes his audience so he can steal their valuables
  • Loki, who controls Thor by use of his powers

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And the Award goes to…

Loki, for recognizing that he who controls Thor controls the elements, and thus acquires a treasure much more valuable than any amount of cash and jewelry. Trago and the Ringmaster are simply thinking too small.

MOST TOUCHING VILLAIN BACKSTORY

We’ve often heard that every cloud has a silver lining. In the same way, we might say that every super-villain has a softer, more sensitive side. Well, some of them, anyway…With a select few, we’ve been made privy to extremely touching backstories—the kind that make us want to give that super-villain a great big hug and say, “You poor thing! Don’t worry…everything’s going to be okay…”

In the category of Most Touching Villain Backstory, the nominees are:

  • Dr. Curt Connors, aka the Lizard, who, after losing his arm in the war, seeks the secret to regenerating lost limbs, not only for himself, but for all mankind
  • Namor, whose parents are star-crossed lovers, a human sea captain and Atlantean princess
  • The Mole Man, who is shunned by society for being ugly

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And the Award goes to…

Curt Connors, because he has the most noble intentions, with no desire to be a villain. He is a victim of his own scientific philanthropy. The fact that his wife and child must cope with his transformation only makes his story more touching.

WIMPIEST MOTIVATION FOR BECOMING A VILLAIN

Very little is random in the Marvel Universe. Both superheroes and super-villains alike have intensely personal reasons for doing what they do. Sometimes their reasons make sense to us, other times…not so much. And sometimes we find that the biggest villains are also the biggest babies.

In the category of Wimpiest Motivation for Becoming a Villain, the nominees are:

  • In Strange Tales #111, Mordo is jealous that The Ancient One likes Dr. Strange better than him, so he wants to kill them both
  • In Strange Tales #111, Professor Kasloff is annoyed that his employer is profiting off his great scientific intellect to get rich, while he works for a pittance
  • In Fantastic Four #1, the Mole Man turns against society because women won’t date him and employers won’t give him a job

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And the Award goes to…

Professor Kasloff. Really, Kasloff? You’re not the first guy this has happened to. The world’s not fair, boo hoo?? Get a grip and get over it!

MOST OBVIOUS COMMIE SPY

Oh, those Commies! It’s the 60’s, and the Cold War is as icy as Jane Foster chiding Dr. Blake for deserting her in a time of danger (but thank goodness Thor was there). We love to hate those Commies, and honestly, sometimes in Marvel comics, those Commines are so stupid and obvious, we can’t help but laugh at them—most derisively!

In the category of Most Obvious Commie Spy, the nominees are:

  • Dr. Bruce Banner’s lab assistant, Igor
  • Card-carrying Commie Karl Kort
  • Comrade X

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And the Award goes to…

Card-carrying Commie Karl Kort. Because “card-carrying” is NOT a euphemism. He is ACTUALLY carrying a card that identifies him as a Communist–while working on a U.S. military base!!

MOST RIDICULOUS SUPER-VILLAIN NAME

Surely there is no lack of dreadful, portentous and threatening words in the English language. You’d think the easiest (and most fun) part of being a super-villain would be in choosing an ominous moniker. If so, why do so many fail so miserably at this simple task?

In the category of Most Ridiculous Super-Villain Name, the nominees are:

  • Mr. Doll
  • The Puppet Master
  • The Terrible Tinkerer

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And the Award goes to…

The Tinkerer! I know Stan loves alliteration, and here it works its magic with the term “Terrible Tinkerer.” There’s something supremely ridiculous about combining the word “terrible” with “tinker.” The only thing that could make this more outrageous would be if the Tinkerer’s given name was Timmy Tuttle, an eighty-year-old man with a weak bladder.

BEST POUT BY A SUPER-VILLAIN

We expect our villains to threaten, pontificate and generally behave in a most disagreeable manner. What we don’t expect is to see them whining, pouting, and acting like spoiled children. Yet, there is no lack of crabby self-loathing among this select group.

In the category of Best Pout By a Super-Villain, the nominees are:

  • The Red Barbarian knocks out the bearer of bad news with a side of ham from his lunch plate
  • Doctor Doom looks in the mirror and exclaims, “I alone must hide like a dark wraith from the sight of my fellow man!”
  • Kurrgo from the Planet X gets left behind, whining, “Wait! I can’t give up my dream of absolute power!”

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And the Award goes to…

Doctor Doom, for the added touch of melodrama. The Red Barbarian is merely a barbarian, and Kurrgo is small and selfish. But Doom doesn’t do anything small or mean unless it’s for a REALLY good reason.

Coming Attractions…

So there you have it! Those are my Super-Villain Awards. And remember: if you have anything to add, or any comments, please feel free!

Equally important: If I’ve offended any super-villains, I sincerely apologize, and remind you that at this very moment Reed Richards and Tony Stark are collaborating on a top secret device that can nullify a super-villain’s super-powers from a thousand miles away, within the blink of an eye. Oh! And did I mention that Bruce Banner is consulting? And Spider-Man is providing the super-elastic webbing that will ultimately cause the entire contraption to function like a dream?

So! Lots and lots of threats to the world of super-villiandom at the moment, you don’t really have time to exact any revenge on little ol’ me…
I’ll be checking in with you all tomorrow (hopefully…) from a clandestine location for the next installment of the Marvelous Awards, when we take a look at that category of character that makes the Marvel Universe truly marvelous: Superheroes! So join me then for more MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

And in the meantime….peace and goodwill… to all…

Posted in Year In Review | 2 Comments

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS: SUPPORTING CAST AWARDS

Posted on March 6, 2014 by Chrissy

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

With last time’s Meanwhile post, we close the books on 1963. A couple of months ago, while Russ and I were eating out, we were tossing around ideas for The Marvelous Zone, and when Russ threw out the idea of an “awards show,” celebrating all the momentous events we’ve encountered thus far, I jumped on it.

I mean, we see it all around us. There’s the Academy Awards, the Emmys, the Grammys, the Cleo’s, the People’s Choice, the Teen Spirit, and on and on. Heck, there’s even an awards show for animal performers!

So why not an awards show for fictional characters? And why not for Marvel’s fictional characters, the most majestic, dynamic and colorful characters in all of creation?! (See? Stan Lee’s not the only master of hyperbole!)

So I put pen to paper (or pen to napkin, as the case was), and began writing down the awards I wanted to hand out. Then we went home, and I wrote some more. I went back and looked over the comics I had read, and wrote even more! And then I slept on it, and then I wrote even more. And before long, I realized I had way too many awards to fit into one blog entry.

So, for the next several days, I’ll be posting here every day, with a fresh new batch of award winners each day.

The newly-formulated plan is to do this after the December books every year, but since we’re already two years into the ever-expanding Marvel Universe, this first edition of the Marvelous Awards will cover the years of 1962 and 1963 (with juuuusssst a slice of 1961 thrown in, for good measure).

Before we begin, a note about spoilers: I’ve asked Dr. Strange to cast a spell over the revelation of the winners to each award, but depending on the browser you’re using, your mileage may vary. In Firefox, the text is blurred. Just place your cursor over the blurred text, and the mystic fog will be lifted. In some versions of Internet Explorer, the text is invisible, and again, move your cursor over the hidden text, and all will be revealed. Other versions of IE ignore all this and display the answers outright (I suspect Baron Mordo has cast a counter-spell). It’s no big deal, but it’s just more fun, if you have the right browser!

So, anyway, let’s roll out the red carpet! The Night of Nights is about to begin!

SUPPORTING CAST AWARDS

Welcome to the Marvelous Awards! There are many awards to give out, but let’s start with the Supporting Cast members. As has been noted numerous times, “There are no small parts, only small actors.” Likewise, in the world of Marvel Comics, there are no characters who are incidental. All contribute to the elaborate tapestry, in their own way, and to varying degrees. Let’s begin by honoring some of the thinner, but often extremely colorful threads of the Marvel tapestry.

MOST ANNOYING OR DISAGREEABLE SUPPORTING CAST MEMBER

Television history is filled with annoying and disagreeable supporting cast members, many of whom are more interesting than the main players. Let’s see how the world of Marvel Comics compares.

In the category of Most Annoying Or Disagreeable Supporting Cast Member, the nominees are:

  • J. Jonah Jameson
  • General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross
  • Flash Thompson

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And the Award goes to…

J. Jonah Jameson! Flash Thompson has potential, but at this point, he’s merely a teenager trying to overcome an inferiority complex by bullying those he perceives as weaker. I suspect General Ross truly does have public safety as his main concern, but Jameson’s witch-hunt of Spider-Man strikes me as overblown and irrational.

MOST USEFUL SIDEKICK

Sidekicks have long been a staple of speculative fiction. Where would Sherlock Holmes be without Watson? Batman, without Robin? The Lone Ranger, without Tonto? A good sidekick brings out the best, and in some cases the worst, in their headliner partner.

In the category of Most Useful Sidekick, the nominees are:

  • Rick Jones
  • The Teen Brigade
  • The Red Ghost’s three apes

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And the Award goes to…

Rick Jones! Where would Bruce Banner be without him? I’m certain the world of superheroes could survive very well without the Teen Brigade; it’s a cute idea, but honestly, they are mostly superfluous. And the Red Ghost’s primates, while entertaining, were easily diverted by the promise of food. Not very useful to their master! But Banner needs someone to take the wheel when he’s all hulked up and irrational, and Jones performs admirably, especially for a teenager.

MOST DOMINEERING AUTHORITY FIGURE

Dominant Will. Alpha Male. Leader of the Pack. We all know them. Sometimes all that testosterone can lead our authority figures astray, and they cross the line, going from Garnering Respect to Belligerence and Bullying.

In the category of Most Domineering Authority Figure, the nominees are:

  • General Ross
  • J. Jonah Jameson
  • Odin, Ruler of Asgard

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And the Award goes to…

Odin. He’s a GOD. In comparison, Ross and Jameson only imagine they have authority.

BEST GUEST APPEARANCE

All the Marvel superhero stories take place in a shared universe, which means that at any time, you can see Spider-Man swinging past a building in the background, or ailing Aunt May paying a consultation visit to Dr. Donald Blake. A good guest appearance generates interest in a title that you might not already be reading.

In the category of Best Guest Appearance, the nominees are:

  • Ant Man assists the Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four #16: “The Micro-World of Doctor Doom!”
  • Nick Fury joins forces with the Fantastic Four in fighting the Hate-Monger in Fantastic Four #21.
  • Spider-Man auditions for the Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four Annual #1.

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And the Award goes to…

Spider-Man. At this point, both the FF and Spidey are BIG names in Marvel Comics. The mere thought of them combining forces must have sent shivers down the spines of the comic readers of the day. This guest appearance is so awesome, it’s also presented in Amazing Spider-Man #1!

FANS AND GROUPIES EXTRAORDINAIRE

Superheroes do not exist in a vacuum. Whether or not they have secret identities, there are always people who appreciate their efforts, and some who even think they’re cute! Sometimes, though, just like in the real world, fans can go overboard.

In the category of Fans and Groupies Extraordinaire, the nominees are:

  • In X-Men #2, a group of girls hold down Angel for kisses and autographs.
  • In Fantastic Four #10, a mob sees the FF on the street and wants everything from autographs and smiles to a piece of their uniforms. Our heroes must use evasive tactics to escape their adoring public.
  • In Journey Into Mystery #99, bystanders see Thor fly though the air and remark, “This is a sight I’ll remember as long as I live!!” and “It’s something we’ll tell our children—and they’ll repeat to their children!”

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And the Award goes to…

The mob in Fantastic Four #10. There’s something about wanting to tear off their clothes that reminds me of the Star Trek (TOS) Red Hour Festival from Return of the Archons. Creepy…

GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Just as in real life, characters and concepts come and go in the Marvel Universe. Occasionally, though, these characters and concepts remain with our heroes, in their hearts and minds, shaping the world around them, and their perception of it.

In the category of Gone, But Not Forgotten, the nominees are:

  • Korr – Ant-Man’s trusted ant friend
  • Ben Parker, Peter Parker’s beloved uncle
  • Ben Grimm in his human form

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And the Award goes to…

Uncle Ben. Surely Peter has not forgotten him, and the memory of how he died continues to motivate Spider-Man on a daily basis. I felt sad for the death of Korr, as one would upon hearing of a sick puppy, but surely Ant-Man will find other ants to assist him in his fight against evil. (Sorry if this sounds callous, but as much as I love the Ant-Man title and pets in general, I have a hard time assigning an individual personality to an insect.) As for Ben Grimm, how can we forget his human form, when it makes random cameo appearances in every other issue?

OUR FAVORITE BENEVOLENT ALIEN(S)

Yes, it seems that whenever we run into someone from outer space, almost always their intentions are sinister. However, there are a few examples of benevolent aliens among us…

In the category of Our Favorite Benevolent Alien(s), the nominees are:

  • The Ovids, who taught Doctor Doom the power of body transferral
  • The Watcher
  • The peaceful inhabitants of the Micro World

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And the Award goes to…

The Watcher. He’s so cryptic, and his “Prime Directive” philosophy is no more lucid than Starfleet’s. His relatively humanoid appearance, with huge head and little tiny feet, makes him the oddest alien this side of Mork from Ork. Is he really trying to help the FF, or did he merely get lost on his way to a 1980’s toga party?

MOST GULLIBLE FEMALE

Marvel comics are loaded with colorful females, from the flirtatious Wasp, to the prim & proper Alicia Masters; from Betty Ross, the pacifist daughter of a warhawk general, to the passionate Dorma, eager to push Namor into a war with the surface-dwellers. But let’s face it: All these women are written by men, and sometimes, they just can’t help portraying the ladies with a tad too much naivete.

In the category of Most Gullible Female, the nominees are:

  • Aunt May, for thinking J. Jonah Jameson is a “nice man,” and never questioning where the money comes from when Peter buys her new kitchen appliances
  • Jane Foster for…well, everything
  • Betty Ross, for never figuring out that Banner and Hulk are one and the same

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And the Award goes to…

Aunt May. She’s experiencing the classic parental “My kid Can Do No Wrong” Syndrome, and also, as a good-hearted elderly person, always wants to believe the best about everyone. However, in the Marvel Universe, believing the best about everyone is not always wise!

BEST CAMEO APPEARANCE

Cameos, by their very nature, are minor appearances. But in the Marvel Universe, they’re often much more than that. Sometimes, if you squint your eyes, you can almost believe that Marvel superheroes are real and true, in our world! No Metropolis or Gotham City here. These stories take place in New York City. THE New York City. Is that our Chrysler Building that Thor soars past? Aunt May watching jugglers on the Ed Sullivan Show? I think I saw that episode! Cameos by real people give us the sense that these stories aren’t just stories. They’re real events!

In the category of Best Cameo Appearance, the nominees are:

  • Stan Lee & Jack Kirby, in Fantastic Four #10
  • JFK & Caroline, in Journey Into Mystery #96
  • Nikita Krushchev, in Fantastic Four Annual #1

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And the Award goes to…

Stan and Jack in FF#10! What cheekiness, to include themselves in their own comic! But it’s that exact quality of cheekiness that helped make their comics such a successful and iconic part of the 1960’s pop culture!

Coming Attractions…

Well, that was fun! I hope you enjoyed this first installment of the Marvelous Awards. I realize there are probably many high points I haven’t hit, and you may not agree with my choices. If you feel I’ve made any glaring omissions, or if you have a different opinion, please share! The Marvel Universe is too big for only one person to evaluate. I would love to hear what you all think.

Join me tomorrow when I give the Marvel super-villains a chance to vie against each other for that which every super-villain most desires: Notoriety! However, some of my awards may not place this special class of Marvel characters in the most favorable light. After tomorrow’s awards, perhaps I ought to exercise extreme caution, lock all my doors, hire a bodyguard and hide out on the dark side of the moon, until these bruised super-villainous super-egos heal.

Well, if need be, I may hide out for a little while, but I want to be sure to get back in time to bring you all the rest of this, my first annual MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

Posted in Year In Review | 3 Comments

Meanwhile…: December, 1963

Posted on February 20, 2014 by Chrissy

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #7

asm7“The Return of the Vulture”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL:
The Vulture escapes from prison and when Spider-Man zaps him with his anti-magnetic inverter, this time it doesn’t work! His arm injured in the scuffle, Spidey still attempts to tackle the Vulture when the winged weirdo comes to Jameson’s office to steal the payroll.

The Vulture drags Spider-Man high into the sky, planning to drop him, but Spider-Man saves both of them with a webbed parachute. Back on earth, Peter puts the moves on Betty Brant.

WHAT’S HOT
FRUSTRATION. Peter admits, “The worst thing about being Spider-Man is changing clothes a zillion times a day!” And doing it with a bum arm doesn’t make it any easier! Yet another example of how poor Spider-Man has to deal with the aggravations of Real Life.

TEMPER. A couple of times in this story, Peter makes reference to how much self-control he’s got to exert to keep himself from hauling off and pulverizing Flash, who keeps picking on him. He’s a time bomb about to explode! Suspense!

ROMANCE. Peter’s been thinking about Betty for several issues now, and on the last page of this story we’ve got some serious flirting on both sides. She says she likes him, and he calls her “Baby.” Oooo-la-la! This could be the start of something!

WHAT’S NOT
HYPERBOLE. The cover assures us that Spider-Man will challenge “the most dangerous foe of all.” Is that the Vulture they’re talking about? MOST dangerous? On page one, Stan tones it down a bit to describe the Vulture as ONE OF the most dangerous villains of all time. Is that really fair?

CASH. Okay, I know the 1960’s are not as technologically advanced as we are today, but paychecks had been invented, right? We don’t really need to pay hundreds of employees in cash, do we?

CASH FLOW. Jameson pleads with the Vulture not to take the payroll from the vault, saying it’s all he’s got. Either, as the publisher of NYC’s biggest newspaper and magazine, he’s the worst money manager on the face of the earth, or…he’s a bold-faced liar.

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JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #99

jim99“The Mysterious Mister Hyde!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Don Heck
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
While Thor again pleads with Odin for permission to marry Jane Foster, the evil Mr. Hyde breaks into Don Blake’s office, seeking vengeance after Blake refuses to hire him. Blake returns in time to confront Hyde but is pushed out the window. Transforming to Thor, he survives the fall, which further infuriates Hyde, who now focuses his attention on that meddlesome Thor, by impersonating the Thunder God and robbing a bank. As this issue ends, the police are on the lookout for the criminal Thor…

WHAT’S HOT
WOMEN’S INTUITION. Jane may have confused feelings for Don Blake, but she hits the nail on the head when she muses, “I feel he loves me too…but there seems to be some terrible secret which he never dares to speak of…but which will eternally keep us apart!”

ASSETS. When Zabo lists the reasons why he hates Dr. Blake, first is wealth, then fame. And what’s next? A beautiful nurse! Well, that’s the deal-breaker, right there. Gotta hate a guy who has a beautiful nurse.

PERFECT ALIBI. Even Zabo’s fingerprints change when he becomes the monstrous Mr. Hyde, making him an even more powerful villain, for as he notes, this is “the perfect means of escape.”

IMMORTALITY. Here we learn for the first time that Thor possesses, among all his other powers, the ability to transform a human into an immortal. Whoa! Are you kidding me?? Stop the bus! And Odin does, immediately reciting a long list of positive attributes the human must exhibit before such a transformation is possible. Thor joyously clings to the hope that he may yet get to visit this immortality upon his love, Jane Foster. Jane’s a very nice girl, the kind any fellow would love to take home to meet mother, and I don’t want to throw cold water on Thor’s expectations, but somehow I doubt she’s going to pass Odin’s strict litmus test. At least not for a long time.

TO BE CONTINUED…What’s this? No resolution? Is Thor really robbing banks now? Well, even though it’s not explained in this issue, I think we can feel reasonably sure that Hyde is impersonating Thor to damage his reputation. That’s not the mystery. The mystery is “How is this all going to turn out?” Finally, the title of this book, JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY, has some meaning!

WHAT’S NOT
LAME. When Calvin Zabo first visits Dr. Blake, he describes him as “the famous lame doctor.” Why can’t he just be famous for being a doctor? Do we really need to include the “lame” factor in that description? That particular morsel of excessive detail strikes me as a bit…lame…

FAMILY SQUABBLE. Yes, Thor and Odin get into it, to the point that Thor raises his hand to his father, to which Odin responds with a sudden zap of some sort of energy beam. When Gods Quarrel: this is intense stuff!

SEXISM!! Upon seeing Blake falling from the window, Jane conveniently faints. I understand we have to get her out of the way for a few moments, but the explanation of “And then, because she IS a female,” just reeks of 1960’s sexism. Really? Oh, please…

JEKYLL AND HYDE
Stan pays homage to the classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson, and just in case you’re not familiar with the source, author and title are provided on the top of page five. Much appropriate, for how many Marvel heroes and villains owe a debt to Mr. Stevenson’s classic tale?

When our Marvel heroes take potions or get zapped by rays, their heroic natures and attributes become only moreso (Fantastic Four, Henry Pym, Peter Parker, and arguably, Bruce Banner). Likewise, when Marvel villains undergo the same, their natures also become intensified (Dr. Octopus, Lizard, Sandman and Cobra).

When Calvin Zabo concocts his potion, it is with the hope of changing a human being SO THAT his “base nature” takes over. Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the original story, I think that was an unfortunate outcome, not Dr. Jekyll’s original intention.

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FANTASTIC FOUR #21

ff21“The Hate-Monger!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: George Bell
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
The FF squabble, after being zapped by the Hate-Monger’s H-Ray. Reed helps Nick Fury quell a South American revolution. Annoyed that Reed went on a solo mission, the others follow, as does the Hate-Monger. When Reed discovers the Hate-Ray machine, the villain explains his evil plan, just before Fury bursts in to save his pal. The Hate-Monger is forced to give the antidote to Reed, and the other FF members are tricked into taking it as well. When the Hate-Monger is killed by his own men, he is unmasked, and revealed as… Adolf Hitler!

WHAT’S HOT
THOUGHT-PROVOKING. The splash advertises this as a tale that is “most unusual and thought-provoking.” Recently, in my review of the Dr. Strange origin story, I mentioned that Marvel is moving away from tales aimed at little boys. The promise of “thought-provoking,” along with themes of racial prejudice, clearly addresses an older audience.

NICK FURY. The last time I saw Fury was in the premiere issue of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos. Not much for war stories, I haven’t read any more, but it’s good to see him teaming up with the FF to fight evil. Regardless of the fact that I like my Nick Fury to look like Samuel L. Jackson and wear an eye patch, it’s still cool to see this crossover.

SURPRISE! On the cover, we are warned there will be a surprise ending, and the unmasking of the villain on page 22 does not disappoint.

BRUNETTE. Early in the story, Sue tries on a black wig. What’s this all about? Simple girly fun, as the narrator suggests, or were Stan and Jack trying to gauge if their older audience might prefer her as a brunette?

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WHAT’S NOT
CAPTAIN OF THE OBVIOUS, PART 1. How likely is it that a leader who unashamedly calls himself the HATE-Monger could rise to power? Who would openly follow someone like that? Of course, once you’ve been zapped by the H-ray, you’ll follow him, no questions asked. But who’s going to get anywhere near a maniac called “The Hate-Monger”?

CAPTAIN OF THE OBVIOUS, PART 2. The Hate-Monger wears a giant yellow H on his costume. I understand why he would hide his face under a KKK-esque pointed hood, but how can we take him seriously with that giant yellow H on his chest? Of course, Superman wears a giant S on his chest, and there’s some yellow in it, but his design is mostly patriotic red and blue. Yellow reminds me of…oh, I don’t know, BIG BIRD. And why do we need an H at all? Is it like…in case you don’t know who I am when you see me showing up in my purple pointed face mask, this big yellow H should leave no doubt?

STUPID CRIMINAL MISTAKES. The Hate-Monger makes the fatal mistake of gloatingly telling his rival all his deepest secrets, just before planning to kill him. Of course when your rival is super-scientist Reed Richards and his pals are Nick Fury and the other members of the FF, it’s probably best not to waste any time, if you don’t want your diabolical plans getting all mucked up.

ANTIDOTE? The Hate-Monger says only he shall remain impervious to the H-Ray, for only he possess the antidote. Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but if someone wants to cause everyone in the world to hate everyone else in the world, is this a guy that really NEEDS to be impervious to the Hate Ray? Isn’t he pretty hateful already?

C.I…WHO?? Fury says the C.I.A. knew all about the Hate-Monger and what he was doing, but “couldn’t interfere in another nation’s affairs.” Oh really? Isn’t the whole purpose of the C.I.A. to interfere with other nation’s affairs? Was this not the case in 1963? Or did the writers simply not know?

IRONY, PART 1. When the Hate-Monger travels underground in his sub-surface missile, the editor informs us that the Russians are currently working on a similar vehicle. Why are we told this? What purpose does this information serve except to make us want to swear, “Those lousy Russians!!” In a story that paints prejudice in such a negative light, obviously inferring that it’s just plain wrong to engage in “class hatred, race hatred, religious hatred,” it seems that political hatred of the Russians is perfectly acceptable.

IRONY, PART 2. There have been rumors for years that Adolf Hitler did not actually die when history says he did, and in this story, Reed speculates that it may have been one of Hitler’s many doubles that died in his place. Of course, that brings up the question: if it was a double who died in Hitler’s place, then who is the Hate Monger…really? Hitler…or just another double? And is the real Adolf Hitler still out there?

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Posted in Fantastic Four, Meanwhile, Spider-Man, Thor | 4 Comments

TALES TO ASTONISH #50: Growing Pains

Posted on February 6, 2014 by Chrissy
Published: December, 1963

Published: December, 1963

“The Human Top!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

In 1967 The Jefferson Airplane, in their song White Rabbit, sang the lyrics, “One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small,” referring to both the classic children’s book Alice In Wonderland, and the use of psychedelic drugs. But they might as well have been thinking of super-scientist Henry Pym, who has developed a series of serums and pills to make him ant-sized, cause his partner to shrink and sprout wings like a Wasp, and now he’s developed a pill that makes him a giant.

We got our first glimpse at Giant-Man in Tales to Astonish #49, and again in Avengers #2. I guess it took a little while for Stan and Jack to figure out that if their hero is giant-sized, his stories should be also. In this issue, the splash promises “a double-length spectacular.” And while the contents of this issue are not quite spectacular, neither is its length double. You see, the surprise at the end of this story is that it is only half a story. Giant-Man and Wasp are nowhere near ready to defeat the villain, who is last seen slinking through the darkened streets with a bundle of dynamite, no doubt intending further mayhem. How will it all end? Well, we won’t find out, until the January issue of Tales to Astonish.

Well, I’M astonished! Never before has this been done in the Silver Age of Comics. Before this time, one simply did not read a Marvel comic from cover to cover without knowing how the story ends! So! You thought our new hero Giant-Man is fresh and different? His stories even moreso!

Readers in 1963 could have cried “Foul!” because in order to get to the conclusion of this adventure, they were being asked to plunk down another 12 cents, for the January, 1964 issue. But I don’t think the additional 12 cents was really a problem for most readers. They were probably planning to buy the next issue, anyway. Instead, they most probably felt perturbed and uneasy because they were being asked to WAIT for the conclusion of the story. Unheard of! I wonder what it must have been like to sit down with this comic in December, 1963, fully expecting a full story, and then to have the rug pulled out from under you.

mainstreamI remember the first time I saw The Lord of the Rings in the movie theater. My teenage daughter was a big LOTR nerd, so she prepared me that the end of this movie was not the end of the story. But when we got to the credits, the collective “HUH??” from the rest of the audience assured me that many did not have the LOTR-nerd advantage that I had. I wonder if Giant-Man readers in 1963 were engaging in that collective, “HUH??”

It probably didn’t seem fair at the time, but Russ assures me that continuing stories will be the wave of the future for Marvel Comics. The “one complete story per issue” format is antiquated, and about to be replaced not only with two-part stories, but with continuing sagas that stretch for months on end. Russ also assures me the stories will not only get bigger, but also better. This two-part Giant-Man is only the first step in that direction.

HUMAN TOP
And who is the treacherous villain who will usher in this next stage of Marvel Comics? Meet Dave Cannon, aka the Human Top, who can spin around really, really fast. So fast, you can’t see him, he’s just a green blur. Sort of like Clark Kent in Smallville being referred to as the Red-Blue Blur, before the Superman moniker sticks. And how can anything stick when he’s moving that fast?

Apparently Dave Cannon possessed “the amazing ability to whirl around at great speed” even as a lad, for we first meet him both impressing and bullying his young cronies. Cannon takes the bullying path to an extreme, using his superpower first to steal fruit (gasp!) and later to throw ice races. We get the idea: he’s a no-good-nik. As an adult, he’s named “Public Enemy Number One” for a string of burglaries and bank robberies.

tta50wowieIt’s never explained where this fantastic spinning ability comes from, but now that X-Men has introduced the concept of fantastic feats through human mutation, I have to wonder if the Human Top is a mutant. My understanding (admittedly, at this point, from the X-Men movies, rather than from the few comics I’ve read) is that mutant abilities don’t manifest until puberty. If so, then how old is Dave Cannon when he’s bullying the other kids on the top of page two?

Looking at these pictures, I see a bunch of BOYS. Kids. Not teenagers. So I don’t know if this ability to spin fast is indeed a mutant power, or if he’s just a freak of nature. And I don’t know if I’ll ever know. I don’t even know if it’s important. But I will say this: I’m pleased with myself for asking this question. It’s the kind of question a student of Marvel Comics should be asking at this point.

I think I’m getting the hang of this Universe.

ENTER…GIANT-MAN!
When Giant-Man and Wasp decide to go after Public Enemy Number One, the big guy discovers that being huge is not always an advantage, especially when chasing a tta50getyouslippery foe like the Human Top. And that’s as it should be. It wouldn’t make sense if a guy who’s suddenly 12 feet tall leaps about with the grace of a gazelle.

It irks Pym to no end that the Top gets away, so he does the “mad scientist bit” (as Wasp calls it) and creates a serum to make himself faster—hopefully as fast as the Human Top. But as he practices his fast moves, Wasp can tell he’s not nearly fast enough.

And that’s where we leave it. Giant-Man thinks he’s getting close, and Wasp doesn’t have the heart to tell him he’s not. Yet there’s the Human Top, slinking through the darkened streets with dynamite, about to visit more mischief upon the city. Who can stop him?

What’s that they say? “Tune in next time…”

But before we get to next time, and the end of this story, I have one important observation to make about Wasp.

WASP’S MOTIVATIONS
The awkward relationship between Henry Pym and his flirtatious little sidekick Janet Van Dyne has never been resolved within any single issue of Tales to Astonish. And good thing, too! Because it’s just too much fun. We don’t want a quick resolution! But in this outing, Jan is getting prettied up for her meeting with Henry as if it’s a date, and as he has to remind her it’s all strictly business, our capricious female has a most unusual reaction. Observe:

tta50motive

Well, we know without a doubt that Jan has her eye on “big wonderful dreamy HIM!” That couldn’t be more obvious. But correct me if I’m wrong…in her origin story, when her father was killed by the Creature from Kosmos, didn’t she vow to dedicate her life to finding his murderer, and didn’t she express a fervent desire to “help track down ALL the criminals, the human wolves who prey on honest people”? I think she did.

The Creature from Kosmos was destroyed seven pages after her bold proclamations, but it took even less time for Jan to fall for her crime-fighting partner. Still, I have to wonder: does romantic love supersede and negate a heartfelt pledge of heroism?

Has Jan so quickly forgotten her original commitment? Or was she only pretending from the start, just saying the words she thought Pym wanted to hear, simply so she could be near him? Has her mind been so clouded by her attraction to Henry that she now “only has eyes” for him? Can all those poor honest people being preyed upon by human wolves now go to hell in a hand basket, because she’s found herself a MAN?

What is Stan saying here? Is this a sexist commentary about the nature of women? If so, I’m offended. But not really offended, because I understand that back in 1963, this kind of thinking was the norm. For a woman to have any other attitude would have been considered…unnatural. And so we must accept Wasp’s romance-obsessed heart as easily as we must accept Betty Ross’ pink pillbox hat and matching pumps.

I don’t know how long Giant-Man and Wasp are around in the Marvel Universe, but I hope if they survive the millennium, our little Wasp undergoes a time-appropriate attitude tta50hmmmadjustment. I love these old comics, but looking back through this prism at the 1960’s, I lament the backwards social attitudes just as often as I find myself longing for simpler, more innocent times.

With that in mind, I leave you with one more image. As Wasp jumps in through the window, her partner happily exclaims, “Just in time, Jan! I was just about to become GIANT-MAN!” Am I the only one who detects a level of sexual innuendo in Pym’s proclamation that perhaps was never originally intended? Ah, yes, for those simpler, more innocent times! It’s so easy to make fun, and have fun with them. But also…ah, yes! How insightful it can be to look at these stories through the prism of time and see how not only our characters, but also our society, and ourselves, have come through and survived, and hopefully been improved, by so many bouts of growing pains.

ff21avatarThat’s all for now, but don’t forget to join me in two weeks here in The Marvelous Zone. A bunch of really good stories are coming up, and I know you’d hate to miss it!

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Posted in Giant-Man, Tales to Astonish, Wasp | 7 Comments