AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #3: Eight is More Than Enough!

Published: July, 1963

Published: July, 1963

“Spider-Man Versus Doctor Octopus”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: John Duffy

ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL
Spidey is bored! It’s all too easy, and he wishes for a worthy opponent. Enter Dr. Octopus, a brilliant scientist so named because he wears a specially designed contraption with multiple arms that allows him to perform experiments behind lead walls, shielding him from radiation.

Of course, in the Marvel Universe, any time you combine a brilliant scientist with radiation, you know what’s going to happen. That’s right! In the ensuing nuclear accident, the mechanical device becomes fused to the Doctor’s body, but what’s more, the arms now obey his mental commands. He’s also a tad more paranoid than what could be considered entirely healthy, and megalomaniacally convinced he is “the supreme being on earth!”

DEFEAT
Octopus’ accident is big news, but no one can get into the private hospital to snap a pic. No one, that is, except the amazing Spider-Man! However, when Spidey arrives, he finds despairOctopus threatening the hospital personnel. Well, we can’t have that! But when Spider-Man steps in, Octopus easily defeats him.

What???

While Doc Ock heads out to commandeer the brain center of the atomic lab, we find Peter despondent, seriously considering hanging up the webs for good. resolveHowever, just in the nick of time, Torch hosts a motivational assembly at Midtown High, encouraging all the young folk to stick to their school work, don’t be discouraged, and NEVER GIVE UP!! Infused with new purpose, Peter dons his costume once again and pits his brilliant scientific skills against Octopus by concocting a potion to fuse the mechanical arms to each other.

High jinks ensue, but with Octopus crippled, this time, Spidey emerges triumphant!

Only one more thing to do. No, he’s not after that elusive photo. Instead, Spider-Man heads to Torch’s hotel room to thank him for all he’s done. To which Torch replies… “Huh?”

Torch may be confused, but I’m not, and I have to say, many many kudos to Stan for such an accurate and enjoyable portrayal of teenage angst.

IDENTITY CRISIS
Any time you have a high-schooler in the throes of an identity crisis, you’re bound to get a boatload of melodrama. Adding superpowers to the mix only makes the emotional cocktail that much more volatile and explosive.

Sure, this is a tale about SPIDER-Man, a superhero, but it’s the very human elements of this saga that most interest me. The villains, the crimes, the superpowers and the stories are all adequately interesting, but it’s the boy Peter that has most captured my attention. He’s just your average dorky kid with all sorts of personal, financial and social issues, who must come to grips with the fact that even superpowers can’t solve every problem. Oh, the highs and the lows! Last time we saw Peter he was happily buying Aunt Mae a kitchenful of new appliances, but here he is now, after a single disheartening incident, ready to hang up the figurative cape, and the literal mask, forever.

PERFECTIONISM
Would you say Peter Parker is a perfectionist? (Go ahead…say it! And if you CAN say it, add it to your tongue twister list!) Even before Peter became Spider-Man, it bothered him immensely that he did not possess the “social graces” of someone like Flash teasedThompson. Peter was not popular, and he knew it, but he threw himself into his schoolwork and reveled in his smarts. That was his claim to fame, what made him feel exceptional. He might not be able to get the girls, like Flash, but he sees himself as the smartest kid in school. Not just A smart kid. The SMARTEST. And now, he has superpowers! So now not only is he smart, but he’s also super. As far as Peter is concerned, Spider-Man not only makes him better than he was, but also makes him better than everyone else (and most importantly, better than Flash Thompson).
whizkid
But what if Spider-Man can’t be the very best at everything every single time? What if he can’t live up to Peter’s high expectations? What if there’s someone out there who can actually beat Spider-Man? Well, as a person who lives life by superlatives, Peter has no idea how to deal with that possibility. He’s crushed, and resorts to that old standard in a crisis: if you can’t be the absolute best, then give up completely and say, “Screw it!”

Hmmm…Not a very mature reaction to adversity, is it? But who ever said teenage boys are mature? Remember, underneath it all, Spider-Man is just a teenager, prone to extreme emotions.

THE EXPERIENCED SUPERHERO
Of course, that doesn’t quite explain how Johnny Storm so confidently steps in to give his little pep talk. Can we simply put it down to, “Well, Johnny’s been at this superhero gig a lot longer than Peter”? Yes, he has, and those experiences have indeed given him a perspective young Peter lacks at this point in his superhero career. Johnny even alludes to those experiences. But we know from our reading that Johnny has also had his moments of teenage angst and self-doubt, just as Peter is having now.

derelictCorrect me if I’m wrong, but in Fantastic Four #3-4, didn’t Johnny get so mad at Reed and Sue and Thing that he, basically, ran away from home, and they all had to go out looking for him? And more recently, in Strange Tales #107, he was so annoyed by the others excluding him from the superhero shenanigans that he decided to take on Sub-Mariner all by himself?

So the Johnny Storm we see here, encouraging young people to “Never give up!” is, at least to some degree, a student in the school of hard knocks. And let’s not forget, here we are seeing the very public face of a very public teenager, putting on a good show. I’m sure Johnny still has many moments of self-doubt, and I’m sure we’ll run into them the next time we pick up Strange Tales to read about the Human Torch. As for Peter, though, let’s not forget that we’ve only known him for three issues so far, and he’s still very young in his development, both as a superhero, and as a young man.

It’s often said that we experience our greatest strides in personal growth not in periods of prosperity, but in times of adversity. In this story, Peter faces adversity and emerges from the crisis not only a better superhero, but also a more mature young man. I’m hoping that as the Spider-Man saga continues, our hero will find himself in many more predicaments that severely test his mettle. Even if he does not emerge perfectly victorious in every situation, the overall direction will surely be to give us a better, more developed and interesting costumed character.

VILLAIN
Personally I don’t know if I find Dr. Octopus the most fearsome villain ever (check out where I’ve placed him in my Villain Valuation). Sure, he’s brilliant, and has lots of arms, but do supernatural evil forces tremble in his presence? Does he command an army of minions? Can he fly? Or become invisible? Could he beat Thing in a fair fight? Or even in arm-wrestling?

I thought it rather amusing when “the foremost brains of the nation’s armed forces and security agencies” meet to discuss the Octopus threat, and one of them says, “We’ve never been up against anything like this before! A brilliant scientist with superhuman powers on a mad rampage!” Oh really? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that pretty much the formula for every other tentaclesMarvel Comic up to this time? What of Dr. Doom? Radio-Active Man? Mole Man? The Voice?

The official who lets this exclamation pass his lips…where has he been all this time? Obviously, he just transferred in from some alternate universe. Get a clue, buddy! This is how things are going to be, from now on.

So, despite what some inexperienced government officials would have us believe, in some ways, Doctor Octopus is “par for the course.” But in the end, Spider-Man does indeed subdue him. Still, we know this villain will be back. And why shouldn’t he be? He’s proven himself the worthy opponent Peter was hoping for, so surely we can look forward to many more tanglings of webs and tentacles.

ff16avatarSo Spidey has met his match…or, at least, what was very nearly his match. But next time we venture into the Marvelous Zone, our villain will be a tiny little bit different than what we’re used to.

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Meanwhile…: June, 1963

JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #93

jim93“The Mysterious Radio-Active Man!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: Robert Berns
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Ray Holloway

IN A NUTSHELL
When Thor thwarts the Chinese Communists, scientist Chen Lu becomes Radioactive Man, a mighty opponent for the Thunder God. In NYC, Radioactive Man hypnotizes Thor and separates him from his hammer. Dr. Blake creates an X-ray monitor which locates Mjolnir at the bottom of the Hudson River, and bravely plunges into 80 feet of water to reunite with the hammer. As Thor, he sends Radioactive Man back to the Commies in an international tornado that culminates in an atomic explosion.

WHAT’S HOT
PUBLIC SERVICE. Dr. Blake helps the war effort in India. I had no idea until I looked it up, that India was, in fact, at war with China in November, 1962, just months before this story was published. Kudos on the current events reference!

ROBOTS. Chen Lu uses only robots as assistants to avoid betrayal of his scientific secrets. Smart move!

RED LETTERS. When Radioactive Man is surprised to see Thor, he exclaims his opponent’s name in large red letters. Have we seen characters talking in oversized colored letters before…or is this kind of speech the result of too much radioactivity?

BAR ROOM. Once again at the end of the story we see a version of “Bar Room“ rumbling across the sky. Who’s ready for a break? Thor…or Stan and Jack?

WHAT’S NOT
RE-RUNS. Didn’t Loki hypnotize Thor in Journey Into Mystery #85? Didn’t the Commies do the same in issue #87? Obviously, the best way to defeat Thor is to put him out of his right mind, but it’s going to get really old really fast, if we keep seeing the same villainous techniques over and over again.

IDENTITY CRISIS. When Thor changes back to Dr, Blake, Blake thinks, “Holy hypos! I – I’ve become DR. BLAKE again!” Does Blake really think of HIMSELF as Dr. Blake?? Not Don?

ANDROGYNOUS PATIENTS. Dr. Blake does surgery on a “man” but in recovery, that man looks an awful lot like a woman. Was it a sex change operation?

LEAPS OF LOGIC. When the Chinese Commies see the atomic explosion coming out of the tornado, one says, “There is only one answer…even the Radio-Active man could not defeat Thor!” Really? What made them think a tornado and atomic explosion in the hills of China has anything to do with Radio-Active Man’s mission in NYC?

VILLAIN
The idea of a radioactive villain, especially one whose sentiments hover between Commie and Mad Scientist, is filled with so much promise. In the “Barrrroooomm” panel at the end of story, an atomic explosion would indicate the end of most other villains, but I’m hoping Radio-Active Man feeds on this kind of energy, and will be back, bigger and stronger than ever. It’s entirely possible. After all, we didn’t see a body

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STRANGE TALES #109

st109“The Sorcerer and Pandora’s Box”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: Robert Berns
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Marty Epp

IN A NUTSHELL
The Sorcerer uses evil spirits in Pandora’s Box not only to gain riches and power, but also to get back at the meddlesome teenager, Torch! He commits various crimes, stumping the police, but Torch figures it out and confronts him. The Sorcerer douses Torch in a giant wave, but as he’s drying out, Torch tricks the Box away from the Sorcerer. Just before Torch dumps the Box in the ocean, the evil spirit of Fear attaches itself to the Sorcerer, immobilizing him against further wrongdoing.

WHAT’S HOT
A SORCERER. Are we laying the groundwork for Dr. Strange? (The real Dr. Strange, I mean—not that cheesy villain we met back in Tales of Suspense #41.)

“NATCH.” Thing says “natch,” for naturally. Wow! That brought me back to my childhood in the 1960’s!

JOHNNY. And I don’t mean just because he’s the Torch. In addition to his part-time job at the bookstore and being a superhero, he does five hours of homework a night and shoots 75 points a game on the high school basketball team. Kobe, move over! Johnny Storm in the house!

WHAT’S NOT
“NOT THIS TIME.” Why do the others in the FF plan a superhero gig and tell Johnny “not this time”? Is there another title I don’t know about…The Fantastic THREE?

STUPID CRIMINALS. The sorcerer brings ONE shopping bag to rob a bank.

VILLAIN
Don’t know if I can really get behind the Sorcerer as the kind of villain that causes grown men to quake in their boots. When we first meet him, he appears nothing more than that curmudgeon in your neighborhood who gets all bent out of shape when kids happen to chase a ball onto his property.

He has this fabulous resource, a Pandora’s Box, which he plans to use to make himself “rich and powerful and my name will go down in history as the most feared man who ever lived!” Okay, good villain vibes there, but before he gets started on any of that: “Above all, I’ll get even with that teen-age meddler, the Torch!”

Way to prioritize, Sorcerer.

Torch tells the Sorcerer “Black Magic went out with mustache wax.” Anticipating the arrival of a real sorcerer in the next Strange Tales, I doubt that’s exactly true.

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TALES OF SUSPENSE #42

tos42“Trapped by the Red Barbarian”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: Robert Berns
Art: Don Heck
Letters: E. Thomas

IN A NUTSHELL
The Red Barbarian discovers Anthony Stark has invented a “new weapon to make America invincible!” and cohort “The Actor” impersonates Stark to gain access to his well-guarded plant. The Actor confiscates the secret plans, and Stark avoids assassination by the Actor’s henchmen. He hops a rocket to go behind the Iron Curtain and steals back his plans. By pretending to be the Actor, he sets the two villains at each other’s throat. The Actor is killed. Supposedly.

WHAT’S HOT
LETTERING. There’s a new letterer for this story, E. Thomas, and his work is pretty and readable.

SECURITY. Stark’s plant is well guarded. As it should be!

INSULTING SOVIET AUTOMOBILES. When Iron Man crunches up the Actor’s car, he comments, “Say! They don’t build em so strong behind the Iron Curtain, do they?”

TRICKERY. Nice storytelling use of trickery in the beginning, and again at the end of the story. Iron Man doesn’t use physical strength or technical prowess to overcome the Commies—just his brain. Of course, you don’t have to use too much brain when your enemies are as dense as these villains. But I’ll get to that in a moment.

WHAT’S NOT
RED BARBARIAN. He’s cruel and demanding, but has no superpowers. The Actor is the true villain in this story. But I guess “Red Barbarian” looked more menacing on the cover than “The Actor.” However, the Red Barbarian excels at throwing food at messengers bearing bad news. Yeah, we get it: Commies are thugs and pigs.

ROCKET TRAVEL. Sounds like this should be in the plus column, but not when it pertains to Iron Man. You’d think he could fly at least as fast as a rocket, and have more control over his landing. Well, anyway, that’s what I think, having seen Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man…

AWKWARD DIALOG. Why isn’t Iron Man affected by magnetism? “My metal clothing contains alloys which reject magnetic attraction,” he patiently explains to the thug dangling dangerously above solid ground. Why? Because the thug asked. Because when you’re one wrong move away from death, your primary concern is always going to be solving inconsequential mysteries, right?

STUPID CRIMINALS
In the last several stories, I’ve run into more than a handful of stupid criminals, and frankly, it’s getting annoying. In this story alone:

• The Actor’s henchmen cave like a soufflé within seconds of Iron Man grabbing them. How could men with that little backbone actually be henchmen?

• When Iron Man impersonates “The Actor,” why does the Red Barbarian let him walk off with the attaché case containing the secret plans? Why does he not demand the plans be left with him? Concerned about the supposed bomb? Knowing he was dealing with “The Actor,” a master of deceit, he should have been more concerned with the possibility of treachery.

• After Iron Man tricks the Red Barbarian, he returns to the Actor, imprisoned in his twisted-up car, and says “Okay, you can leave now.” At this point, the Actor should have realized there was no good reason for Iron Man to set him free, unless he had a secret plan up his iron sleeve. At the very least, the Actor should have proceeded with caution. But no, he traipses right over to the Red Barbarian and easily falls into Iron Man’s plan for his demise.

I realize that to a certain extent, villains must be less intelligent than superheroes in order for the superheroes to succeed. But it takes the fun out, when the villains are so dense even teenager Rick Jones with no superpowers and no high school diploma could handily defeat them.

So why are the criminals in these early stories so stupid? Was it simply a case of not having enough time to work out details for a story where smart people square off against each other? Stupid is quick and easy. But I’m hoping as I travel through time in the Marvel Universe I’ll find that the villains become bigger and badder till at last our heroes are fighting foes on a threat level at least equal to those we see in the recent rash of Marvel movies.

movievillains

GONE?
“The Actor is gone,” says one of the Barbarian’s men at the end of the story. We see a fireburst from a gun, and hear “The Actor is gone,” but don’t see a dead body. “Gone” could mean he took a quick leap out the window. Or perhaps, the Actor disguised himself as the guard, and shot the real guard in the face, all before the angry, drunken Barbarian could catch on to what was happening. For my money, it’s entirely possible the Actor continues to live on for future appearances!

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TALES TO ASTONISH #44: Good Things Come in Small Packages

Published: June, 1963

Published: June, 1963

“The Creature from Kosmos!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: H.E. Huntley
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Don Heck
Letters: Art Simek

I’ve been waiting for this moment! The Wasp is one of my favorite Marvel characters, partly because she’s that rare female in a sea of testosterone, but also because she’s so much darn fun. She’s got a spunky sparkly personality that provides the much needed contrast to super-serious scientist Henry Pym.

In fact, to illustrate my point, just take a look at the cover. Where Ant-Man wears red, the Wasp is in black, and where Ant-Man wears black, the Wasp is in red. They are like yin and yang, chocolate and peanut butter. Sure, the ants have been efficient helpers and good buddies for crime-fighting Ant-Man, but ants are no substitute for human companionship. Especially when that human is a feisty female. So at this point, I must say…Woo hoo! Now we’re cooking with gas!

The story starts with a slightly different view of Pym than we’ve seen before. The despondent scientist languishes in his ultra-modern apartment, reminiscing about his lost love Maria, killed by Commies on their honeymoon. He wonders if he is doomed to a solitary life of crime fighting. He decides he wants a partner, he needs a partner, but who can he trust with his secret identity?

Enter fellow scientist, Vernon Van Dyne. No, this Van Dyne is not to be Robin to Ant-Man’s Batman. But he does have a beautiful young daughter Janet, whom Pym at first writes off as a “child,” and a “bored society playgirl,” though he is intrigued by her resemblance to his beloved Maria.

waspvowYet, soon enough, Pym and Janet meet again, when her father is murdered by the creature from Kosmos, a gelatinous glob of green flesh, first cousin to Star Wars’ Jabba the Hut. Pym appears to Janet as Ant Man and gains her trust, while she declares that she will avenge her father’s death, even if it takes the rest of her life.

Just as quickly as Pym judged Janet a frivolous child, now he changes his opinion of the beautiful young socialite. She is “so like Maria,” he muses, not only in appearance, but also in spirit. When she confesses her desire to “help track down ALL the criminals, the human wolves who prey on honest people,” Pym instantly rips off his lab coat to reveal that HE is Ant-Man and asks if she will assist in his fight against crime as a miniaturized Wasp woman, complete with wings to fly and super-sensitive antennae to hear “the voices of the insect world.”

And what does young Janet have to say to all this? Without hesitation, she answers, “YES!”

wasploveFrom here it’s only a small jump to romance. At least for Janet. Well, what do you expect? Not only is Pym providing a platform from which she can avenge her father’s death, but he’s also given her the ability to fly, and dressed her in a groovy new outfit of unstable molecules that really accentuates her curves. And besides all this, Pym’s not a bad looking guy, as scientists go. He’s smart, and decent, and full of honor. What girl wouldn’t fall for him under these circumstances?

Pym however, proceeds more cautiously. He is, after all, a no-nonsense man of science, and also still grieves for the lovely Maria. “I never want to love again!” he declares to Janet as they fly into the face of danger. “I—I couldn’t bear it if I had to lose a loved one—twice!”

Besides that, he reminds her, she’s only a CHILD.

Well! Janet takes offense to that evaluation and gives it her all to prove she is not afraid, and is willing to do anything to see justice triumph. When she flies into danger, Ant-Man must rescue her. There’s some scolding as he drags her off under his arm, but I think secretly he was worried, afraid something might happen to his impulsive new partner.

antmangunWith the help of his new friend the Wasp, and his old friends, the ants, Pym devises an antidote to the odious creature from Kosmos, and while in miniature form, he and his sidekick destroy the loathsome thing.

Danger past, the Wasp gives Ant-Man a congratulatory hug, but the little man admonishes her, “From now on you must not display such emotion! It—it isn’t proper!”

Good luck with that, Ant Man. You invited this woman into your life. Ever hear the saying, “You get what you pay for?” I mean, really! What were you expecting!?

Yes, in creating the Wasp, Ant-Man has opened the proverbial can of worms. But these are gummy worms, gooey sweet and delicious. And it’s only now that the Ant-Man title is really starting to get interesting.

All this, of course, begs the question: Why did Marvel feel it necessary to give Ant-Man a partner, and why a FEMALE partner? I’m not a big student of Marvel history, but from what I’ve read in the Fantastic Four series so far, it seems that in the early 1960’s there 8699was a problem getting readers to accept and appreciate a female superhero. Poor Sue Storm! Reed always has to jump to her defense, wagging his finger at the readers and evoking the name of Abraham Lincoln’s mother. More than once, we’ve seen the others go out of their way to say, “Thank goodness Sue was here with her special powers! If not for her, we’d all be goners!”

So why the Wasp? And why now? Were Stan and company hellbent on creating a female super-heroine the readers could get excited about seeing on the cover? Did they judge a small flying woman to be intrinsically more interesting and acceptable than an invisible woman? After all, with an invisible woman, you can never be quite sure where she is or what she’s up to, but if a miniature woman gives you trouble, just drop her in your pocket.

Before she flies away, of course…

Was the Invisible Girl, as their first attempt, perhaps considered a less than perfect heroine, but from this experience, the creators thought they had learned enough to try again?

Perhaps they took their readers’ reluctance to cozy up to a female superhero as a challenge to their creativity. “By golly, we’ll MAKE them accept a girl hero if it’s the last thing we do!”

Maybe someone told Jack Kirby his artistic depictions of women characters left much to be desired, so he decided he needed more practice. Or maybe Stan sensed they were running out of stories for Ant-Man and needed something to spice up the title.

notaloneI don’t know. I can only speculate. If the Wasp had not been introduced at this time, how many more issues were left in the Ant-Man saga? Was our diminutive mad scientist destined to soon join the Hulk in superhero Limbo?

Russ has a book, Marvel Comics: The Untold Story, and someday, when I’m a little further along in my reading, I may take a look at the earliest chapters to gain the answers to these and so many other questions I have about how all these serendipitous events came about in the Marvel Universe. But for right now, I’m going to stop asking questions and just be glad that the Wasp is here, poised to give proper and prim Pym no end of trouble and embarrassment as he continues to fight his growing feelings for his spirited sidekick.

asm3avatarHere in the Marvelous Zone, ants and wasps aren’t the only ones seeing action. Next time, our hero tangles with a new, multi-faceted villain in hand-to-hand-to-hand-to-hand-to-hand-to-hand-to-hand-to-hand combat.

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FANTASTIC FOUR #15: What Do Superheroes Want?

Published: June, 1963

Published: June, 1963

“The Mad Thinker and His Awesome Android!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Art Simek

Everyone has heard the eternal question, “What do women want?” and some have even attempted to answer that question. I can’t speak for all women, but as for me, I want comfort, security, world peace, butter pecan ice cream…and for Alabama to beat Ohio State in next year’s national championship football game.

But I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here to talk about the Fantastic Four, because in this issue we are handed a long list of endeavors that really put the ram in the ram-a-lama ding dong for each member of our super team. Yeah, yeah, I know this story is about The Thinker and his Awesome Android, but that doesn’t interest me half as much as getting a more intimate peak at the inner workings of our fab four.

FUN TIME
We start the story with a blast from the “4” flare gun, which interrupts some very special “me” time for each of our heroes. Johnny’s on a date with Peggy, a girl who’s clearly in the smooching mood. bulldozeSue’s at the beauty parlor, getting a new hairdo. Provoked by the Yancy Street Gang, Thing is fixin’ to wallop them with a bulldozer.

And our leader Reed has been busy in the laboratory, creating life. Yes, you heard me right. Reed Richards has just “managed to create a primitive form of one-celled life which lived for a few seconds.” This is BIG, wouldn’t you say? One step away from being God. Wouldn’t you say??

And yet, all this activity must come to a dead stop so Reed can pop the flare gun and relay the news that he got an urgent message from the Chief of Police: mobsters and gang leaders from all over the country are flocking to New York, and the FF needs to be ready at a moment’s notice to spring into action.

Okay, here’s my question: It’s obvious the FF can gather quickly when called, so why doesn’t Reed wait until something is actually happening before he lets loose with the flare? No good is accomplished by dragging everyone away from fun time for “I’m alerting you that we need to be on the alert.” It just puts everyone in an ornery mood.

THE THINKER
But mobsters and gangsters are indeed gathering, having been summoned by the Thinker. The Thinker strikes me as one arrogant SOB, even more than the other power-mad geniuses we’ve met thus far. He brags and gloats ad nauseum, kingofcrimecalling the other thugs “intellectual pigmies!!” [sic] Which…they are. But is this any way to make friends and influence people?

The Thinker envisions himself the emperor of a “Kingdom of Crime,” with the mobsters and gangsters as “crime-enforcement officers.” Here though, I believe he means the exact opposite of what you would think—sounds like these guys won’t be preventing crime, but rather ensuring crimes DO get committed.

Of course, none of this can happen until the Thinker puts the FF out of commission.

With his superior brain and a room full of computers that can predict “everything that ever will happen, down to the last split-second,” the Thinker arranges events to split up the Fantastic Four, enticing each with an irresistible offer.

SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE…
Johnny gets a visit from “Cousin Bones,” whose circus is failing and needs a “real star attraction” to bring back the crowds. “Most any kid in the world would JUMP at a chance to join a circus,” Johnny reasons, and besides, “It sure would be a GAS to meet all those cool circus chicks!” Hey, notice the quotes. I didn’t say these things, Johnny did. suemovieHonestly.

Meanwhile, an agent approaches Sue to star in a Broadway show. The fact that she ends up filming a Hollywood movie is beside the point. The point is: Sue cannot resist the lure of the stage.

As for Thing, he is easily goaded into the wrestling ring to fight Fatal Finnegan, the idol of the Yancy Street Gang. (I’m tellin ya…this stuff writes itself…)

And Reed gets an offer from General Electronics LTD to head up their Research Division.

Each struggles momentarily with the conflicting interests of their superheroic duties verses the fulfillment of their personal dreams, but with so many visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, it doesn’t take much in the way of hootenanny shenanigans for the four to decide they need a vacation. Observe:

vacation

But wait! Can the FF really just take off in the middle of a crisis? (At least Torch has the presence of mind to remind them: mobsters…gangsters…) No problem! Reed says: “We can always return to home base in a hurry!”

Well, WE already knew that. But now they all agree: Okay! Let’s go!

These new activities are even more attractive than those they were dragged away from earlier. Johnny chooses “cool circus chicks” over the hot babe in the front seat of his car, and Sue is blinded by the bright lights (Broadway or Hollywood, doesn’t matter, she’s so blinded, she has no idea where she is). Thing would rather fight the Yancy Street Gang in the ring than on the streets. Actually, he doesn’t care, he’ll fight anybody, anywhere!

picardpalmAnd Reed? Oh Reed… I regret to tell you that, at least for a brief moment in this story, Reed would rather be a bigwig at GE than…GOD.

I’m a bit disappointed in the FF at this point. Putting personal pleasure above the good of the community. Where are their priorities?

LESSONS LEARNED
Well, I guess the rules of storytelling dictate that they must go through all this, so they can each learn this lesson: be careful what you wish for, because you just…might…get it. And sure enough, in no time at all, each tires of what they thought was their “dream job,” and longs to be back home with the others.

awesomeandyThey return, band together, fight the Thinker, his thugs, and the Awesome Android—which wasn’t all that awesome—and all’s well that ends well.

THE X FACTOR
There’s a cute bit where Reed taunts the Thinker with the fact that he didn’t expect the unexpected—or, as Reed calls it, “The X-Factor.” There’s a TV show now called The X Factor, which, from what I understand, is extremely similar to American Idol. I sometimes used to watch American Idol. One of my favorite moments from that show was when Clay Aiken sang “Grease,” wearing a red leather jacket, and then a few years later, Danny Gokey sang “Dream On,” originally recorded by Aerosmith. Of course, the best version I’ve ever heard of that song was when Neil Patrick Harris guest starred on Glee and sang it with Matthew Morrison.

AH HA!!! I’ll bet you didn’t EXPECT me to go off on a tangent that would include ten references to popular culture all within a single paragraph!

Of course, if you’ld expected it, then it wouldn’t be “unexpected.” Same goes for the Thinker.

wizardozThe moral of this story, folks, is that old favorite: the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. And if you ever want to find your heart’s desire, you don’t need to look any further than your own backyard. Because…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home! Sure, we all have dreams and desires, but when push comes to shove, nothing is better than being with the people you love.

UNIFORMS
So we discover that what the Fantastic Four want most is to be together, fighting crime and serving their community. C’mon! Did you really expect anything else?

But here’s a little side issue that surprised me. Within this story, there are two complaints about their uniforms!

First, when they are all heading out to “do their own thing,” Sue exclaims, “At last I can dress the way I’ve always wanted to!” Is Sue saying she wants to dress like a star? Or perhaps: “Hallelujah! At last I can get out of that dreaded blue uniform!”

Then later, when they return from their “vacations,” Reed observes that it feels wonderful to be back in the harness, and “If you ever hear me knock these uniforms again, just…” So this tells me Reed has “knocked” the uniforms before. I don’t recall that happening, do you? Maybe it took place behind the scenes. But clearly, he is also not happy with the uniforms.

Thing and Torch? Well, the former in blue underwear and the latter spends most of his time in flames, so I guess they don’t have much to say about it. But as for Reed and Sue: Uncomfortable? Unattractive? Or are they simply tired of wearing the same outfit on a constant basis?

bondI wouldn’t doubt it if Sue wished she could somehow fight crime in a Christian Dior evening gown—though, if that were the case, she probably would never want to turn invisible! And maybe Reed has been attending the cinema and seen James Bond saving the world in a tuxedo and longs for that same sense of style?

RANDOM
To close up, here are some totally random observations:

We’ve had a glimpse into the inner workings of our heroes. While it was fun, I don’t suppose we really learned much about them we didn’t already know—except for Johnny and Sue having a “Cousin Bones” who runs a circus. That sure came out of left field! I wonder if we’ll ever see him again? There are story possibilities in having a cousin that runs a circus, don’t you think? Guess I’ll have to check the Marvel Chronology Project to find out!

yoohooI was tickled to finally get a glimpse of the Yancy Street Gang. Though “glimpse” is probably a bit generous. Arms and hands wagging over the side of a building. I wonder if we’ll ever actually meet the gang, or if they’ll remain a mystery, sort of like Heather Sinclair on DeGrassi, or Tim’s neighbor Wilson on the other side of the fence.

I was also amused when General Electronics finds the scientific genius to head their research division…on the cover of a comic book!! I know the Marvel Universe is a different world, where “comic mags” enjoy a much greater level of respect. Still, it’s funny.

When gangster Blackie Skarr doesn’t agree with the Thinker’s plan and says he’s “cuttin’ out!” the Thinker replies, “Naturally! I knew you would!” (There’s that arrogance I was talking about earlier.) And the Thinker also knows that in 18 seconds, the Feds will pick up Skarr as he leaves the building. Question: if the Feds are 18 seconds away from the Thinker and the other crime bosses, how stupid are they not to search the building? The Police Chief alerted the FF that the gangsters and mobsters were congregating in NYC. Did someone forget to tell the Feds that where you find one, the rest can’t be far behind?

We know that in the past Sue has been distraught about not getting the same respect as the other members of the team, and Reed has jumped to her defense with a monologue about Abraham Lincoln’s mother. I don’t guess that did the trick, though, because it seems Stan still feels compelled to go out of his way to remind the readers that Sue has something valuable to offer. Even if it’s simply a “sensitive touch.”

Speaking of Sue, I got a kick out of this: When the Thinker reveals himself to the FF, Sue gives us her best Charlie Brown imitation and exclaims, “Good grief! another power-mad genius for us to contend with!” Yeah, I know what you mean, Sue. It’s tough being the only super-powered female in a world full of testosterone-crazed villains & superheroes.

tta44avatarBut never fear, Sue! You won’t be alone for long! Next time, here in the Marvelous Zone, we’ll meet a new superheroine who brings not only a “sensitive touch,” but also a little bit of sting and style to the never-ending fight against evil.

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