TALES TO ASTONISH #74: The Hero, the Villain, and Everything in Between

Posted on January 1, 2023 by Chrissy

Published: December, 1965

“When Fails the Quest!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Adam Austin
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Sam Rosen

“The Wisdom of the Watcher!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Pencils: Bob Powell
Inks: Mickey Demeo
Letters: Sam Rosen

What defines a hero? What defines a villain? The December 1965 issue of Tales to Astonish begins in a very classic, traditional manner, adhering to the prescribed formula of most Marvel comics up till this time. Both of these particular tales are installments of stories that have been going on for several issues now, so we know what we’re getting—and we begin with another episode of an adventure story of ancient royalty beneath the sea. In twelve quick pages, the plot easily advances with large dramatic panels.

SUB MARINER
This is a classic tale of good and evil. The heroes and villains are clearly depicted. There’s no doubt who you’re supposed to root for. Namor, of course, is our hero, and at every moment he acts like a hero, always trying to do what is right, not merely for himself, but primarily for his kingdom. He is a king who is willing to make sacrifices in order to accomplish what is best for the greater good.

He has to make tough choices. Though it’s taken him a little time, he finally decides he must try to save Dorma, his most loyal and devoted subject (and maybe more??) from the dreaded Faceless Ones. I’m glad to see that at last he is showing her proper appreciation, that this business of Loyalty is not simply a one-way street for him.

At other times, when Namor comes to the surface world, he may appear more villain than hero, as his agenda clashes with that of the human race, but in this story, which takes place entirely on his own turf, there is no doubt that he is the hero.

KRANG
Krang, on the other hand, is the most dreadful of villains. He is so bent on his evil plans that once he realizes the citizens of Atlantis have turned against him, he becomes more dangerous than ever, digging in his heels and willing to do anything he can to preserve his power and position. In fact, he is gleefully hell-bent on “plunging the entire planet into the greatest holocaust of all time!” Unless he’s using an entirely different definition for “entire,” that would necessarily include all of Atlantis. So: he is willing to destroy even the kingdom he is fighting so hard to rule, if only he can say, “Ha ha! I won!”? Isn’t that…counterproductive? Isn’t that—let’s be frank—a bit insane?

THE FACELESS ONES
The Faceless Ones are also bad news, but not in the same way. Because they are faceless and so numerous, and seem driven by instinct, we don’t really despise them as much as we despise the evil Krang. We don’t know their inner thoughts, we don’t know what motivates them. They seem less human than many other villains a hero might face, perhaps more akin to an attacking pack of wild wolves, or swarming bees. Faceless Ones gotta do what Faceless Ones gotta do. It’s really nothing personal…it’s in their DNA.

But this all works. The story holds together, giving us exactly what we expect.

HULK
And then I get to the Hulk story, where I start to realize that something different is going on. And has been going on for quite some time. The very fact that we have a Hulk at all is already breaking the classic construct of Heroes and Villains. Because, what is Hulk, after all? He can’t easily be defined. Sure, he’s crude and violent, but that alone does not make him a villain. And yet he has none of the niceties of your classic Hero. He doesn’t seem concerned with justice, or “putting things right”—at least not for the world at large. He doesn’t care about society. He just wants to be left alone.

From the beginning, it’s seemed the creators have never really known what to do with Hulk. They try one thing, then another; his powers and his motivations keep shifting. Recently Hulk and Banner have bonded, resulting in a more articulate character, but he remains a peculiarity in the Marvel Universe.

So while Namor is either hero or villain, depending on the geography of the story, Hulk is neither hero nor villain, no matter where we find him.

He’s the one who kicks the villain’s ass. He does heroic feats, but not for heroic purposes. His motivations are not heroic. As I’ve said, and as Hulk himself has said multiple times, he simply wants to be left alone. But because he accomplishes what the reader wants to see—villains getting their asses kicked—we tend to consider him more of a hero.

In this story, while the Leader is clearly a villain, all the other characters are neither hero nor villain, just existing in the nebulous in-between.

Hulk hates the Leader, but feels beholden to him, because the Leader saved his life. This shows an understanding and adherence to a certain heroic level of honor. But Hulk has only developed this sense of honor after he and Banner “merged.”

Do we “like” Hulk, or not? He’s not very likeable, so mostly, I just feel for him, or pity him. He’s been dealt a tough hand, not of his own making, and is obviously not very happy.

BIG RED LIZARD
In this story, we have the threat of an unnamed menace whom I will name the Big Red Lizard. BRL is not a “villain,” he is merely an opponent, a stumbling block in Hulk’s way, temporarily preventing him from accomplishing what he has set out to do: secure the Sphere and bring it back to the Leader, so he no longer has to be beholden. (Remember, it’s his sense of honor that makes him feel beholden.)

THE WATCHER
But now, we come to The Watcher. And here’s where things get really complicated. The Watcher claims to be someone who merely “watches,” who, if this is the case, would be neither hero nor villain. Yet in reality, he does so much more than simply “watch.” He says one thing, then does another. Way too often, we find him creating loopholes, then jumping through them. In reality, he is much more of a manipulator than a Watcher.

The Watcher has explained to us multiple times that he cannot interfere, yet when Hulk discovers he can understand the Big Red Lizard, he surmises, “The Watcher must have done something to let us understand each other’s language!” The story never explicitly says that’s what happened, but based on what comes next, it makes sense.

The Watcher states, “I am pledged to NEVER interfere with another’s battles. I may only act to preserve my own safety.” Yet, immediately after this proclamation, he determines that if Big Green and Big Red keep fighting, they will smash his scientific devices, which would curtail his own powers. And so he sends them to another location. Newsflash, Watcher! Protecting yourself and protecting your toys are not exactly the same thing.

But I also take exception to the word “never.” He uses this word, then immediately does the very thing he just said he would never do. Just like Krang, he is redefining words on his own, making it up as he goes along. I have NEVER before heard this definition of the word “never,” but it reminds me of those Subway promotions where ANY sandwich is on sale…until you look at the small print on the bottom, where they list all the exceptions to “any.”

The Watcher interferes again by taking the liberty of sending the Big Red Lizard back to his own planet, because he, the Watcher, has determined that the battle has ended. But who is he, to determine that? How many times do you think your opponent is done for, and you turn your back for one moment and—BAM! There he is again. Unless the Lizard was certifiably dead, it was nobody’s call to say the fight had ended—especially not that of the “non-interfering” Watcher!

So in this story, the Watcher has determined when the battle begins, where it takes place, and when it ends. All while claiming non-inteference.

What makes him such a baffling fellow? What is his backstory?

Here’s the synopsis Russ wrote for the Watcher story in Tales of Suspense #53 (yes, Russ writes the synopses for the Meanwhile… posts):

The Watcher tells the story of how his utopian society, long ago, shared the secrets of nuclear energy with their neighboring planet, Prosilicus. The Prosilicans used that power to create unbeatable weapons to destroy their enemies, and eventually, they destroyed themselves. Devastated by these unintended consequences, the powers-that-be on the Watcher’s planet vowed that from that day forward they would no longer interfere with other planets. They would only…watch…

With all that in mind, I have to wonder…is he rebelling? He’s constantly justifying and rationalizing why he breaks the rules. They are not actually his rules, but rather the rules of his society, his race. I don’t see the Watcher as a hero. His very job description insists he is neither hero nor villain. He’s just the Watcher. From such a neutral position, I should probably neither like nor dislike him, but honestly, he’s starting to get on my nerves.

After reading this issue and contemplating questions about what defines a hero, or villain, or anyone “in between,” I realize that even in these early days of Marvel Comics, the answers are rarely clear-cut. The definition of a hero or a villain isn’t as two-dimensional as we might expect; indeed, it’s as open to interpretation as Krang’s use of the word “entire,” or the Watcher’s definition of “never.” Fortunately, as colorful as we find the artwork on each page of each Marvel comic, that’s how far from black-and-white these stories are.

And that’s what makes for good storytelling.

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Meanwhile… : November, 1965

Posted on December 1, 2022 by Chrissy

TALES TO ASTONISH #73

“Another World, Another Foe!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Art: Bob Powell
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
The Leader discovers the bullet lodged in the Hulk’s brain and dissolves it with a gamma laser. The treatment saves Hulk’s life, but also forces him to remain as the Hulk–with Banner’s brain–forever. The Leader conducts experiments on Hulk to reveal the extent of his powers, and in return for saving his life, Hulk agrees to help the Leader. Leader sends Hulk to the Watcher’s home planet to retrieve the “ultimate machine.” Just as he reaches for the radiant sphere, Hulk is attacked by “the most powerful creature in the galaxy.”

WHAT’S HOT
BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. I’m liking this new and improved Hulk. Now he thinks the intelligent thoughts of Bruce Banner, rather than pitching toddler fits, speaking in sentence fragments and referring to himself in the third person. What a lovely moment when, viewing the curiosities on the Watcher’s home planet, huge gruff Hulk, “like a child, let loose in some enchanted wonderland,” holds his hands out in amazement and exclaims, “This world is a scientific storehouse of treasures beyond measure!”

BOOOOORRRRRING. The Watcher tempers his abilities with “There is almost nothing I do not see—almost nothing I do not know.” Because really, if he saw and knew all, wouldn’t that make him a terrific bore, and drain all the fun out of the Marvel Universe?

TRAINING MONTAGE. The entirety of page five looks like a training montage from any movie about an athlete overcoming impossible odds. “He’s back! He’s Bannner! And he’s better than ever!!” You can almost hear Eye of the Tiger playing in the background.

ULTIMATE MACHINE. “The Ultimate Machine” sounds like the name of a pro wrestler.

JUMPS THE PAGE. In the last panel, the Narrator talks of “our future episodes,” which makes me wonder if there is a conscious effort to get the audience to think of these comic stories as they might a continuing movie serial or television saga. Any effort to get the reader to visualize the action as something taking place on celluloid rather than newsprint seems a push in the right direction.

WHAT’S NOT
NOT A BANNER DAY. The writers have been tweaking Hulk since the beginning, and this episode brings lot of changes, most of them “new and improved,” but I’m not sure I’m sold on “I’m destined to REMAIN the Hulk—forever! With Banner’s brain!” Now, as much as I like Hulk with Banner’s brain, I would be very sad to never actually see the mild-mannered scientist again. But, as I’ve learned in comics, as well as in life… “Never say never.” So, I will choose to believe Hulk is mistaken about the future for his alter ego.

“With such an ally,
I cannot only conquer the earth,
but the entire galaxy!”
— Leader

“By Force of Arms!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Adam Austin
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
As Sub-Mariner’s strength ebbs, the Demon of the Diamonds appears, eager to capture him. They fight, and Namor realizes that the Demon’s helmet protects him from the life-sapping brilliance of the diamonds. Namor summons a swarm of eels, and the eels absorb the diamonds’ power, freeing him. He receives a message warning him that Dorma is endangered by the Faceless Ones, and he abandons his quest, in order to help Dorma. Meanwhile, in Atlantis, the citizens begin their revolt against Krang.

WHAT’S HOT
“T-EEL-OGRAM.” In a land devoid of technology, eels and fish carry messages across the sea. I’m at first reminded of the “barking chain” in 101 Dalmatians that alerts Ma and Pa Dalmatian to the location of their missing pups; but we can find a closer correlation in the classic SNL landshark “candygram” skits.

THE GOOD OF THE ONE…AND THE MANY… Namor faces the epic quandary of so many heroes: whether to save the lives of many, or the single life of the one he loves. Of course, we’re not yet sure he actually loves Dorma, but the fact that “her love for me has never faltered,” is enough to sway his action in her favor. Well, it’s a start.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE! I enjoyed seeing the oppressed citizens of Atlantis band together against Krang’s tyranny. Together they are a commanding character that might change the outcome of this story.

“THAT SELFSAME SPLIT SECOND.” The alliteration alone is mesmerizing, so poetic. But I especially appreciated Stan’s efforts to break down the limitations of linear storytelling. “Split second,” is no longer good enough, now he feels compelled to tell us that two events are happening “at that selfsame split second.”

WHAT’S NOT
WHO DAT?? A new foe abruptly appears on the splash of this story, briefly described as “another dread menace,” and indirectly named the “Demon of the Diamonds.” But wouldn’t it have been much more dramatic (and a lot less confusing) if this character had made his sudden appearance at the end of the previous issue, rather than on the first page of this one? An obvious opportunity was inexplicably squandered.

“I am the Sub-Mariner!
I am Namor, the avenging son!
In truth, I AM strength!”
— Sub-Mariner

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X-MEN #14

“Among Us Stalk…the Sentinels!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Pencils: Jay Gavin
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Professor X gives the students a vacation, and the teenagers split up to have fun on their own. Xavier engages in a televised debate with Dr. Bolivar Trask, who believes that mutants will ultimately enslave humans. During the debate, Trask reveals his army of robotic Sentinels, which he created to defend mankind. The Sentinels determine that they know best: they will protect humanity by enslaving it. The X-Men reunite and attack the Sentinels’ stronghold.

WHAT’S HOT
MONTHLY. The X-Men comic will now be published monthly. Good! ’Nuff said.

STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE. While still hoping to maintain a certain level of secrecy regarding his involvement, Professor X puts himself out into the world to defend mutants. Bravo for his bravery!

FACE IT, THIS IS GOOD ART. I believe this is the first time I’m seeing the artwork of Jay Gavin, and I find it cleaner and lighter than some others. He does faces very well.

GINORMOUS! I appreciate the artistic decision to make the Sentinels literally HUGE!! Being robots in purple suits is not enough to evoke an aura of menace, but as giants, they are clearly a force to be reckoned with.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN, I PRESUME? In the vein of Frankenstein, Terminator, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and countless other works of fiction, Dr. Trask has created a monster he cannot control.

TRASK. This Trask predates Dark Shadows. Marvel’s Boliver Trask is on a metaphorical witch hunt, while the Dark Shadows’ Rev. Trask engaged in an actual witch hunt. Coincidence? Or perhaps, some of the Dark Shadows writers were big fans of Marvel comics?

WHAT’S NOT
SLOW NEWS DAY. The Daily Globe reports “Mutant Menace” with a huge headline, when nothing has actually happened but an expert offering his opinion. (Is this perhaps why that headline is on the last page, rather than the front page? See below…) In any case, I’m getting the impression that the Daily Globe is more akin to the National Enquirer than the The New York Times.

“We were created to be the guardians of mankind!
And, to guard them properly, we must RULE them completely!”
— a Sentinel

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TALES OF SUSPENSE #71

“What Price Victory?”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Don Heck
Inks: Wally Wood
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Iron Man and Titanium Man face off for a final confrontation, while Pepper is in tears as she watches an ambulance whisk Happy to the hospital. Back at the battle, Titanium Man suffers a humiliating defeat at the hands of Iron Man. Later, Iron Man brushes off Byrd’s congratulations when he hears Happy is alive. At the hospital, Pepper is bitterly angry at Tony for his absence. After surgery, the doctors provide a grim diagnosis, leaving Tony alone with his thoughts.

WHAT’S HOT
I WAS RIGHT!! Happy is NOT dead! Told you so…

SMILE! YOU’RE ON CANDID CAMERA! Once Iron Man realizes he’s gotten the best of Titanium Man, he absolutely delights, for a good two pages, in humiliating him in front of the cameras. Icing on the cake.

PRIORITIES. As the Countess demands Tony’s attention in the hospital, he snaps, “Shut up, Countess!! A man is DYING in there!” But only a moment before, comforting Pepper, he wonders, “Is this her natural concern for a friend? Or, is it something more?” I was ready to chide Tony for the inappropriateness of that thought, but in the last panel he gets back on track with “I’ve no right to think of my problems while Happy lies dying!” So I’ll forgive him, and put his confused state down to a mixture of sorrow and guilt.

HOT TEARS. We see Pepper’s face twelve times, and in half those images, a tear or two graces her perfect cheek. In most of the others, her head is turned, so you might imagine the unseen tear. Nice decision by the artist not to overwhelm us with her tears, but to some degree, let us imagine the depth of her sorrow.

IRONIC MAN. Because Tony was not there during the fight and did not immediately follow Happy to the hospital, Pepper now despises him. Oh, if only she knew where he really was, and not, as he feebly explains, engaged in “a most important deal” for his business. But alas, behold the loneliness of the secretive superhero: “My heart must remain as cold as the armor I wear—forever!”

NO NOTS. The most “hot” thing about this issue is that I have nothing bad to say about it. There was only that momentary blip when Tony selfishly thought of his romantic future with Pepper while Happy lies in a coma, but…I worked that out, and all in all, this was a splendid story!

“And so it goes—the Reds protesting—the free people rejoicing!”
— the Narrator

“…When You Lie Down With Dogs..!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Pencils: George Tuska
Inks: Joe Sinnott
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
German soldiers load Captain America, Bucky and Celia Rawlings inside a V-2 missile that they plan to fire directly at London. Cedric tries to save his sister, but he is thrown in the dungeon. Cap and Bucky escape, but the Germans hold Celia hostage. She is shot during her own escape attempt. Bucky frees Cedric, but he is too late to save Celia. In retaliation, Rawlings reprograms the missile to strike at the soldiers attacking Cap’s unit.

WHAT’S HOT
STATS. We learn that Cap weighs 180 pounds. (Add that to his eharmony or Facebook page?)

WHAT’S NOT
VOT ISS GOING ON HERE? PART I. I always find it distracting when unusual spellings indicate a character is talking with an accent. But I was even more brought out of this story when I noticed that while some Germans spoke in heavy accents, others did not. I took the time to compare word balloons within this issue, as well as go back to the previous two issues to conclude that German officers speak very good English, while the common soldiers do not. I’m guessing ven vee see da worts wrrrritten like dis, we are supposed to assume they are actually speaking German. Okay. I’ll go with it. But still… it’s distracting.

VOT ISS GOING ON HERE? PART II. There’s a further problem, however. In page 2, three word balloons spoken by two different characters are linked together, so you can’t be sure who’s speaking at any given time. First, an offscreen character speaks good English, so this is apparently Major Uberhart from the previous panel, whom I’ll assume completed his formal education in Switzerland, where he no doubt learned to speak at least five different languages, all with perfect accents. But then a second “perfect English” word balloon sits atop a third, where a soldier exclaims, “Und you vill remain in dere…to reflect upon vot a FOOL you vere to TRUST us!” The placement of the balloons makes it look like the soldier is also giving the second speech, but the speech patterns indicate otherwise. The fact that all three balloons openly connect, one to the next, doesn’t help. It’s not a big deal, really…just another moment of confusion for me, the reader.

“In a war, Bucky, many people suffer!
It isn’t necessary to be in the armed forces…to be a casualty!”
— Captain America

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AVENGERS #22

“The Road Back”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Don Heck
Inks: Wally Wood
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Over Cap’s objections, the Avengers break up and go their separate ways. Hawkeye, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch unwittingly join the Ringmaster’s Circus of Crime, but the Ringmaster’s machinations eventually lead to a police manhunt for the three young Avengers. Meanwhile, Cap, disguised as a press agent, tricks Power Man and Enchantress into admitting on tape that they framed the Avengers. The other Avengers arrive and help Cap defeat the villains and restore their honor, but fed up with their attitudes, Cap storms out, quitting.

WHAT’S HOT
LOOKER. Wanda doesn’t look half-bad when she’s not wearing that ridiculous headpiece.

AVENGERS VS. CIRCUS. When Hawkeye, Pietro and Wanda can’t get work anywhere else (not even Ed Sullivan will take them!), they finally accept a job with the circus. As desperate as this move seems, I can’t help thinking that if Stan Lee were suddenly out of work, the circus is the first place he would apply!

HOOK. Cap is done with the Avengers?? Tune in next time, folks!

WHAT’S NOT
ACHILLES HEEL? Wanda says she cannot use her hex while her eyes are covered. Did we already know this? Or is this new information that might hamper her in the future?

WELL, THAT WAS AWFULLY EASY…When the cops hear Power Man’s voice on the tape confessing that he and Enchantress framed the Avengers, they believe it, and all is instantly put right. Nobody tries to discredit the evidence; nobody calls out “Fake News!” Ahh…simpler times…

“But I can sing!”
— Scarlet Witch

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JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #122

“Where Mortals Fear to Tread!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Loki transports Absorbing Man to Asgard, abruptly cutting short the battle with Thor. They agree to team up to defeat Odin, intending to share dominion of the universe. Meanwhile, on Earth, with the battle ended, Thor rescues Jane Foster from the hooded figure, who reveals himself as Harris Hobbs. Hobbs photographs Thor changing into Don Blake, intending to blackmail the Avenger. When Thor shows what he could do to Hobbs, Hobbs relents, but asks that Thor take him to Asgard, and Thor agrees.

WHAT’S HOT
SAFE AT LAST? Jane is out of danger…FOR NOW. But she’s a human magnet for abductors. Somehow I doubt this is the last time she’ll be used as “bait.” If the girl weren’t so head over heels for her boss, I’d advise her to look for a new job.

BAH, HUMBUG! When Thor takes Hobbs on a trip to the past and the future, neither of which are happy or acceptable, I’m thinking Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Like Scrooge, Hobbs has a wake-up call. (Or…does he?)

WHAT’S NOT
DOES NOT PASS THE SMELL TEST, PART I. Why did Jane “daringly cause a gas explosion to shatter her bullet-proof window glass”? Would gas really break bullet-proof glass? And why was she willing to risk her life in a gas explosion in order to escape a captor who had so far not physically harmed her?

DOES NOT PASS THE SMELL TEST, PART II. How did Hobbs get a still photograph of Thor transforming into Blake? Did he snap just before the transformation, just after, or was there a selfsame split second where the elements of both Thor and Blake were oddly intermingled?

DOES NOT PASS THE SMELL TEST, PART III. I’m not buying that Hobbs is perfectly fine with Thor wiping his memory of a visit to Asgard. What newspaperman—or any man, for that matter—wants experiences they cannot even remember, never mind write about? More importantly, if Thor can erase memories, why not go back to the beginning and simply make Hobbs forget he saw the Thor/Blake transformation? Maybe it makes a better story if Hobbs goes to Asgard, but story wise, it doesn’t make sense.

“Brute strength alone can never be enough!”
— Thor

“The Grim Specter of Mutiny!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Vince Colletta
Letters: Artie Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
As Thor’s ship enters the maelstrom, the crew panics, and Loki makes his bid for mutiny. Thor and Loki square off, each with a small army of warriors at his side. Fandral fends off a handful of Loki’s men with his sword, while Hogun barrels through others, but it is Volstagg who singlehandedly topples half of the mutineers when he stumbles and falls on them. Meanwhile, Balder, unseen, lashes himself to the masthead and uses a horn to lead the ship through the Pillars of Utgard.

WHAT’S HOT
EPIC BATTLES. Even though I’m not a big fan of “fight, fight, fight,” the colorful combination of swords and archaic boasts gives these few short pages a classic feel more akin to Lord of the Rings rather than the stark violence of Kill Bill.

WHAT’S NOT
EPIC BRAGGARTS. Fandral refers to himself as “Fandral the Dashing.” If “dashing” means what I think it means, humility is beyond his ken! Of course, Volstagg brags “The mere sight of my noble self makes strong men TREMBLE!!” So when the time comes for the next Annual Marvelous Zone Awards for “Biggest Boast,” it looks like the competition is going to be awfully stiff!

“Driven by your mad vanity, you are leading us to our DOOM!”
— Loki

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FANTASTIC FOUR #44

“The Gentleman’s Name is Gorgon!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Joe Sinnott
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
Medusa seeks Johnny’s help in evading a mysterious pursuer, Gorgon. They accidentally reawaken Dragon Man, who mistakes Medusa for Sue. Gorgon attacks as Medusa begins to explain. Gorgon threatens to tear down the city by stamping his hoof-shaped feet, unless the Fantastic Four gives up Medusa. Recognizing the real Invisible Girl, Dragon Man abducts her, but before the rest of the FF can give chase, Gorgon stamps his foot, causing the building they were standing on to collapse beneath them.

WHAT’S HOT
TWO OF A KIND. Gorgon is of the same race as Medusa. We don’t get any additional information in this issue, but from the 2017 TV show, I know they are Inhumans. And I sense we’re about to find out more, in the next issue!

NOW YOU DON’T SEE ME, NOW YOU DO! Dragon Man is a piece of unfinished business from issue #35. So…we begin to see how all the pieces are weaved together. I wonder when #35 was written, was it always the plan to have Dragon Man reappear, or did they only later decide to revive him?

MR. CLEAN. Did Reed Richards invent the dishwasher?

WHAT’S NOT
RIDICULOUS DOMESTICITY. Sue looks absolutely absurd In that pink and white apron. Surely that was meant as a joke?

FREE RENT. The newlyweds are living with Johnny and Ben? This is no way to start a marriage! And there’s no excuse for it. Sure, they’re busy superheroes and socialites, and the wedding did seem to happen awfully fast, but they certainly have enough money to hire a real estate agent to quickly find them a place—any place!—where they can be alone in their wedded bliss, away from the sophomoric antics of Torch and Thing. They might not yet be buying a new skyscraper to call home, but I’m not buying this excuse for continuing cohabitation.

CONFUSED MALE. Why is Torch helping Medusa? Is it really only his fear of her “vacuum gun”? Or…could it be MORE?? Despite their differences in the past, by his own admission, Johnny is apparently willing to “let bygones be bygones.”

CONFUSED FEMALE. But Medusa is not. “Do you think Madam Medusa would accept help from any member of the Fantastic Four??” Conveniently forgetting that only moments before, she had pretty much done exactly that.

CONFUSED ANDROID. Sorry, but Sue’s hair and Medusa’s hair are nothing alike, not enough commonality to allow Dragon Man to make the connection. If there was an identifying feature, it would make more sense for Dragon Man to be a “Boob Man.”

THAT DAMMED CODE! The Hero’s Code comes into play again, making things more difficult than they need to be. Gorgon has already proven he can be destructive, and no doubt could kill if he felt it necessary, but he also knows that Torch has pledged never to use his flame to cause bodily harm. So now he can move about with impunity.

HOW MANY? Why is this a difficult choice for the FF: either surrender Medusa, who has previously been their enemy, or risk the lives of millions of people? “The good of the many outweighs the good of the few…or the one…” Where is Mr. Spock when you need him?

GIRL POWER…SHORT CIRCUITED. Why does Medusa call Sue “Richards’ wife”? I’m sure the wedding was well reported in all the society magazines and even Medusa would have heard the news, but why does she reduce Sue Storm, The Invisible Girl, to “Richards’ wife”? You think as a girl she would be more cognizant and supportive of her fellow female.

“I’ve had enough of this domestic bliss bit!
Hanging around here is like being on the set of Ozzie and Harriet!”
— Human Torch

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Posted in Avengers, Captain America, Fantastic Four, Hulk, Iron Man, Meanwhile, Sgt. Fury, Sub-Mariner, Tales of Suspense, Tales to Astonish, Thor, X-Men | 2 Comments

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #30: Stoopid Hoomins

Posted on November 1, 2022 by Chrissy

Published: November, 1965

“The Claws of the Cat!”
Plot: Steve Ditko
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Art Simek

I am what is commonly known as a “Cat Person.” I like dogs too, very much, but if I had to choose one over the other, it’s cats for me. My Page-a-Day calendar features beautiful photos of cats, tiny knick-knacks around my house are cat-themed, and I just put up a cat shower curtain in the hall bathroom. Let me clarify: I am not a “Crazy Cat Lady.” At least not yet. But there’s no guarantee I might not become one in the future.

With this in mind, whenever I see a cat motif in a Marvel Comic, I find it extra appealing.

This story has at least one “cat,” and maybe even two. More on that later, but let’s start at the beginning. As the story opens, we see a lower-tier criminal known as the Cat Burglar robbing a safe. Now it just so happens this is the safe of J. Jonah Jameson, publisher of The Daily Bugle. In other words: in these pre-internet times, the Cat Burglar pulls off the giant-sized blunder of robbing the guy with the biggest megaphone in town.

HE WHO FAILS TO PLAN, PLANS TO FAIL
Not a very smart move, Cat Burglar. In fact, one might say it was rather “stoopid.” I’m writing “stupid” this way because, as the self-described Cat Person that I am, I am of course a big fan of I Can Has Cheezeburger and other similar places online, where we often find cats not only in ridiculous situations themselves, but also wryly commenting on the activities of their “stoopid hoomins.”

The Cat Burglar may see himself as a cat, but he is, in fact, hoomin, and he is, in fact, stoopid. As any smart criminal knows, staying below the radar is essential to continued survival. Not bothering to determine beforehand whose safe you’re robbing is unforgivably stoopid.

After this, the Cat Burglar decides on “one more haul,” this time choosing to rob a tall building. Where the windows had been washed the day before. “I’m the window washer!” is his only plausible explanation to be swinging around a high-rise apartment building. However, had he taken the time to simply “case the joint,” as any good criminal would do, he would have been aware of the window washing schedule and thus not become the victim of his own stoopidity when a concerned citizen leans out the window to ask what the heck he’s doing out there (the assumption being that this concerned citizen then calls the cops).

The Cat Burglar calls it “crummy luck” that he picked the building where the windows had been washed only the day before, but there’s no “luck” about it, only a severe lack of planning.

But let’s get back to this idea of the Cat Burglar making plans for “one more haul.” As anyone who’s ever watched a movie knows, making big plans for a final hurrah is absolutely doomed to failure.

A little Google bird tells me there is actually a word for this: Retirony.

My thoughts immediately flew to the Danny Glover character in Lethal Weapon, who gets mixed up with crazy Mel Gibson only weeks before his retirement. After some rough experiences with crazy Mel, it works out okay for him in the end, but not so much for a similar character in the Last Action Hero spoof.

And to bring this concept right home to the MCU, what about Tony Stark in Avengers: End Game? He is persuaded to come out of retirement for “one last time” to save the earth, and in the end, he does, but also loses his own life in the process. The first time I saw this movie, my foreboding sense of foreshadowing gave me a hinky feeling this was not going to turn out well…

But maybe the Cat Burglar isn’t a big fan of the movies. And if not, that’s to his detriment. He could have picked up a bunch of good pointers from the suave purveyors of his craft, like Cary Grant in To Catch a Thief, or David Niven in The Pink Panther. Even if he is incapable of recognizing the literary foreshadowing inherent in the phrase “one last haul,” he might have made a mental note to check the window washing schedule. Or at least appeared more fashionable while burglarizing by choosing an appropriately hued scarf.

JAMESON’S DOPEY DILEMMA
J. Jonah Jameson is also not thinking through the consequences of his actions. Indignant at the theft, he immediately offers a reward for capture of the Cat Burglar without first considering that Spider-Man could very likely be the one cashing in on this generous offer.

When Spidey bursts into Jameson’s office and needles him about the reward, Jameson is virtually speechless. This is his “Oh, crap!” moment. All he can get out is a quick “announcement” of “Spider-Man!” I always love the “announcement” when a character unexpectedly appears, but this one is especially delightful because of Spidey’s snide response.

Of course, you’ll note that Spidey tells Jameson to keep his checkbook open, which raises another interesting dilemma. Jameson does not want to be caught in the awkward situation of having to pay the crime-fighter he’s been berating all this time. How embarrassing!

But I believe if he’d taken just a little more time and care to think this through, he could have found the golden loophole. Pulling out his checkbook, all he has to say is, “Okay, Spider-Man, you earned the reward money, fair and square…now, to whom shall I make out the check?” Peter would then be forced into revealing his identity, providing the name of a friend or family member who could pay him back later (both unlikely), or insisting on cash. To which Jameson would simply claim he doesn’t deal in cash, and he’s not paying unless he can put a name on a check.

How do you think that scenario would turn out?

BETTY BURIES THE LEAD
So there’s a bit of soap opera in the Jameson/Spider-Man story developments, but it cannot compare with what happens between Betty and Peter. Apparently, something’s been going on behind the scenes, and she needs to see him “as soon as possible!” Peter rushes right over, and when Betty has trouble spitting it out, Peter urges her to “start at the beginning.” Which she stoopidly does, announcing “Ned has asked me to MARRY him!”
Bad move, girl! Later she tells the slammed door, “It’s you I love! It’s always been you! Oh, Peter why didn’t you let me explain…”

Of course, had she led with “It’s you I love,” things would have gone much smoother. There would have been no need for her to announce that she detests Spider-Man, which of course is Peter’s nail in the coffin. Why did Betty handle this situation so ineptly? Is it because she’s young and inexperienced? Is she not really that bright? Or does she actually harbor such a deep fear of commitment that she subconsciously sabotages her own love life?

GET A LIFE!
Even though Peter is now on his way to college, some characters from high school make an appearance in this issue. It’s good to see that even after graduation, Liz Allan may still be a part of Peter’s world. She’s a “working girl” now, she tells Peter—which I choose to believe means she has taken a secretarial position.

Liz is moving on with her life, but Flash is pathetically stuck in the past. As we might expect. In high school, he was a star football player, good with the ladies, all-around popular BMOC. But the summer before college, when he should be looking forward to beginning a new life at Empire State U, he’s lurking in corners, stalking his old high school girlfriend. Flash is already dealing with the realization that his world is about to drastically change. Instead of thinking ahead to all those lovely co-eds, he can’t get his mind out of the past, where his glory lies. Poor puny Flash is behaving rather stoopidly.

THE CAT (NOT BURGLAR)
But let’s get back to The Cat—since this story is about The Cat. Or the Cat Burglar. I’m not exactly sure which. Though it seems to be both. The criminal referred to as “The Cat” has two crimes going on at the same time. His specially-equipped and costumed minions steal uranium derivative from Stark Industries at the same time his band of “hired hoods” is pulling off a bank robbery.

Questions: Why are the bank robbers hired? Does The Cat not have a big enough litter of kittens to get all his jobs done? And why does he need to have the bank robbed at the exact moment the uranium is being stolen? And for that matter, why does he need to rob a bank at all? Presumably the uranium will fetch a high price on the black market…or am I thinking too much like someone from the early 21st century, rather than 1965? Maybe, as a comic book character, The Cat is not intending to sell the uranium at all, but use it in his own scheme for world domination? (MMWWAHHAHAHAHA!!)

MISDIRECTION OR MISTAKE?
Of course, I’m not really sure who “The Cat” is. He hasn’t made an appearance before this, and now in this story called “The Claws of the Cat,” we seem to be seeing two different but similarly-named criminals at work.

In the previous issue, Jameson asks if there is any more information “about the Cat Burglar…OR the theft of scientific equipment.” That can be taken two ways. He’s either asking about two elements of one particular news story, or he’s asking about two separate stories. The point is, the writer (and here it could be Stan, whom the credits tell us the story is “written” by, or Ditko, who is given credit for “plotting”) seems to be setting the stage for the next issue. And to my way of thinking, they are being deliberately deceptive about these offhandedly mentioned events.

SMALL POTATOES
When we first meet the “Cat Burglar,” he immediately labels himself “small potatoes,” someone whose criminal footprint is so small, even Spider-Man wouldn’t take notice of him. This red-headed Cat Burglar calls himself “an ordinary second story man” and takes pains to inform us that he gets so much done with only the modest, unassuming tools of his trade—a rope, a flashlight, etc. He humbly and specifically paints a self-portrait—to himself—of a simple man, not the leader of a crime conglomerate.

Fast forward to The Cat. Minions. Uranium. An imposing mask (so we can’t see his face at all!) Can this really be the same person? What are we supposed to think?

The Cat’s only saving grace in Spider-Man breaking up the bank robbery is that as hired hoods, “they won’t be able to spill the beans about us!” I contend that Stan and Steve are being coy with the readers, also not quite ready to “spill the beans” about the true identity of The Cat. Maybe they think I’m too stoopid to figure this out? But…ah hah!! I’m one step ahead of them!

I think…

Anyway, all this has me looking forward to next month’s issue.

STOOPID SPIDER
Finally, at the end of the story, Spidey has to admit he was unprepared for the Cat Burglar shining the blinding beam of a flashlight in his eyes. Spider-Man should be ready for anything, but sometimes he does act impulsively, which occasionally gets him in trouble. Yet in the end, his little screw-ups don’t usually end up spoiling his heroics. So, of all the stoopid hoomins in this particular story, he gets an honorable mention, but certainly does not win the prize.

A PICTURE IS WORTH…
Maybe the prize should go to J. Jonah Jameson. It still baffles me why he never questions Parker on how he always just happens to be there to get all these fabulous photos of Spider-Man fighting crime. You’d think he’d be at least a little bit curious. Is he really so stoopid that he can’t put the pieces of this puzzle together?

Well, I have a theory.

Perhaps Jameson is not as stoopid as he looks, and secretly, subconsciously recognizes the very real possibility that Parker, if not Spider-Man himself, at least has more information than he lets on. As much as Jameson would like to unmask and expose Spider-Man, and as much as he might, on some level, know that Peter could be the key to making that happen, he is also not stoopid enough to apply the brakes on this particular gravy train.

Overall, my takeaway from this story is that nothing may be quite what it seems. There’s so much going on beneath the surface with so many of these characters. Whatever games Stan and Steve might be playing, they are very wise hoomins to keep us hanging on this plot, just as the Cat Burglar is hanging from the side of a high-rise apartment building, not washing windows.

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STRANGE TALES #138: The Danger of the Sociopathic Leader

Posted on October 1, 2022 by Chrissy

Published: November, 1965

“Sometimes the Good Guys Lose!”
Script: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Art: John Severin
Letters: Sam Rosen

“If Eternity Should Fail!”
Plot: Steve Ditko
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

Over the last several years I have become highly attuned—more than I would like—to psychological terms such as sociopath, narcissist, borderline delusional. Very often, while reading these Marvel Comics from the 1960’s, I can’t help but see correlations between these “mere stories” and our real world situation. Is this a case of life imitating art, or art imitating life? No doubt these concepts have always been with us, and what I’m reading in Strange Tales #138 is “just another brick in the wall.” It might be an imaginary wall, but in deference to how readily art and life imitate each other, I’d like to take a moment to examine some of those bricks.

IMPERIAL HYDRA
I’ve only known Imperial Hydra for a couple issues, and I haven’t yet completely formed my opinions about who he is and what he’s up to, but this much seems clear: he’s a sociopath.

So. What exactly is a sociopath?

Apparently, this isn’t a technical or medical term. Doctors call it “antisocial personality disorder.” As per webmd.com, and healthline.com, some of the main characteristics of people with this disorder include the fact that, although they can be “witty, charming, and fun to be around,” they also:

  • lie, manipulate, control and exploit others
  • find it difficult to understand other people’s feelings
  • appear uncaring, don’t show remorse for their actions
  • break rules or laws
  • behave aggressively, impulsively, destructively
  • feel little guilt for harm they cause others

Except for that bit about being “witty, charming, and fun to be around,” Imperial Hydra presents a textbook example.

ANIMALS
These thoughts began to build when I met him in the previous issue, but in this installment, it’s telling that he most strongly identifies with his pet panther, rather than any of the people he interacts with. I found it a bit shocking when he tells his big blue cat that he has seized the world, “just as you would seize a helpless hen!”

Strength and power are all that matter to him, and because he has no conscience, he never even considers that there is anything strange in comparing himself to an animal. (It also doesn’t occur to him that animals kill for food, not sport, and certainly not for ego, pride or world domination.)

So ironically, while he most strongly identifies with this dumb animal, he is in fact nothing like an animal. Any animal is surely more noble.

I just finished having these thoughts about Imperial Hydra, when I come to the next page and discover he has also named all his Hydra chiefs after animals, believing this furnishes them with “a feeling of identity…a sense of pride.” First, I’m thinking… where is the pride in being a mole or a beaver? But next: Are you kidding me? What are we, in kindergarten??

In the real, adult world, comparing human beings to animals is not usually considered a compliment—excepting sports teams, of course. If anyone has an antisocial personality disorder that causes them to relate more strongly to animals than human beings, well frankly, that’s…sad. When this is the case for someone in a position of leadership, it can be downright dangerous.

THERE’S NO TALKING TO THIS GUY
Imperial Hydra clearly displays seriously stunted psychological growth, emotional problems, and is perhaps even unhinged from reality.

But he also has a daughter, an attractive young blonde who cares about him, providing a gentle, quiet voice of reason, trying to draw him away from his maniacal madness.

Disappointed in her father’s continuing quest for world dominance, daughter dearest laments that she’d “hoped til the very end that you’d come to your senses!” Of course he hasn’t. Not only is he incapable of seeing reason, he is also so offended at her disloyalty that he orders her out of the room.

MINIONS
When Imperial Hydra sets the enormous Betatron Bomb in orbit, Fury notes that as panic breaks out across the earth, “you can bet there’s a Hydra hood fanning the flames.” In fact, loyal Hydra minions are facilitating Imperial Hydra’s agenda. Which makes me wonder: are they also sociopaths, or are they simply poor lost souls, sick of the status quo and seeking to be a part of something bigger than themselves? (Then again…maybe it’s just a paycheck?)

NOT YET CONVINCED
So I don’t understand the fealty of the minions, and as I mentioned last month, I’m also not yet convinced Imperial Hydra is who the writers want us to believe he is.

They are clearly pointing us in the direction of Leslie Farrington, newly elected Chairman of the Board for “Imperial Industries International, one of the wealthiest, most powerful corporations on earth.” And at first glance, Farrington fits the bill as a sociopathic leader.

After one Board Member whispers to another that Farrington has dictatorial tendencies, Farrington immediately proves it by bombastically booming to another Board Member, “I insist you cast your vote with the majority!”

Helloooo! Didn’t we just talk about “breaking rules and laws”? Isn’t it the law that one person gets one vote, it’s their own vote, and no one can take that away from them? In civilized society it is (or at least, most of us try to ascribe to this philosophy), but Farrington obviously doesn’t know how that works…or, he knows, but he simply doesn’t care. In true sociopathic fashion, the rules don’t apply to him. As long as he gets what he wants, he doesn’t care what he has to do to make it happen.

Of course, that bit about the “dictatorial tendencies” is obviously there to make us believe Farrington is indeed Imperial Hydra. But I noticed in the last issue that both Farrington and the mysterious “Brown” were the last two people in the room before one of them goes through a secret passage and transforms into Imperial Hydra. So, despite Farrington’s obvious dictatorial leanings, I suspect Brown may be Imperial Hydra.

After all, where does it say that you can’t have two bad guys in one room at the same time? Just because one has dictatorial tendencies doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the sociopathic leader. There are bad guys…and then there are WORSE guys.

In real life, we have both. And that’s unfortunate. But in storytelling, having multiple levels of bad guys can actually be a very good thing.

STRANGE HIEARCHY
Which brings me to the latest installment of our ongoing Doctor Strange story. Because, after I marveled over the oddly compelling art (as Russ puts it, “It looks like Dr. Seuss and Salvatore Dali had a baby together”), what most strikes me is the hierarchy of power on both sides of this epic skirmish.

UNQUESTIONABLE?
Doctor Strange is the disciple of the Ancient One, who shows reverence to Eternity. So when Strange finally meets Eternity, he understands this entity to be so much more powerful than himself, and shows proper respect. When Eternity tells Strange to shut up and listen, he does, with no attempts to engage in conversation, though surely he must have many questions.

OTHERWORLDLY SOCIOPATHS
Though the villains in this Doctor Strange story are not as clearly sociopathic as Imperial Hydra, they also follow a hierarchy of power and privilege. It’s not a large leap to say that Mordo is a sociopath, but what about Dormammu, who is clearly pulling Mordo’s strings? Also a sociopath? Also on track for world domination, with no concern for who gets hurt, along the way? The ends justify the means?

And who is greater than Dormammu? Apparently Dormammu is aware that he is not as great as Eternity, for by the end of this issue, his new objective is “If Dr. Strange truly found Eternity, I must make him reveal what he learned!”

But…could it actually be that Eternity is a villain? An even higher step in this hierarchy of villains?

Wait. Why am I even asking that?

MANY QUESTIONS
Let’s take a step back. In their rather one-sided conversation, Eternity imparts a rather cryptic message to Dr. Strange:

Now, Strange is no dummy, but he is clearly unsatisfied with this answer. He actually wonders if perhaps Eternity lied to him. (“What if he LIED? What if he couldn’t…or wouldn’t help me?”)

I’ve been following Dr. Strange for a long time now, and I trust him. So if he has questions, I have questions too.

Why would Strange trust a liar? And why should we?

My first inclination, of course, would be to trust that Eternity is who he says he is, since he comes so highly recommended by the Ancient One. But in a world where nothing may be as it seems, and having so little information about Eternity at this point, and also keenly disturbed that my hero Dr. Strange is entertaining doubts about this cosmic entity, am I wrong to hold off judgement, until I know more?

After all, when we live in a world full of sociopaths who routinely practice manipulation and deceit, who or what can be trusted? Isn’t the danger of the sociopath that they confuse and muddle so badly in order to break down our faith in reality and accepted institutions so that we no longer have any idea “which way is up”?

But maybe I’m not talking about Marvel Comics any more.

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