Adventures in the Marvelous Zone

The Marvelous Awards!!

The Silver Age Awards
Or…
“You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby!”

So much of the charm of these early comics comes from the specific time period: the mod and rollicking 1960’s! For those of us who lived through the 60’s and can still remember it, perhaps we look back with a wistful sense of nostalgia. But for younger readers, Marvel’s Silver Age may be their initial introduction to the decade of hippies, social unrest and extremely peculiar and vibrant fashions. If that’s the case, I pity those poor younger readers! Because though Marvel’s Silver Age in some ways reflects the rapidly changing American culture, in far too many ways, the 60’s were really nothing like what we see in Marvel comics. Separating fact from fiction is a tricky business. But perhaps in these next Awards, we can make some sense of this time long gone by.

MOST 60’s PORTRAYAL OF FEMALES

Nothing seems quite so sweet and silly as the way women are portrayed in the Silver Age comics. When it’s done for comedy, sweet and silly is fine. But I heave a sigh of despair when sweet and silly turns to just plain backwards and boorish. How do the following female nominees exemplify the times into which they were born? And who is making the best use of her feminine wiles? Let’s see…

In the category of Most 60’s Portrayal of Females, the nominees are…

• Janet Van Dyne, for perpetuating the trope of the girl who expectantly waits for the telephone to ring…

• Great cook, Betty Brant

• Johnny Storm’s girlfriend Doris, for succumbing to her boyfriend’s temper

• Karen Page, for distrusting her feminine instincts about the mysterious Matt Murdock

• Black Widow, for bamboozling Hawkeye with her beauty and charm

• Wasp, for using the cliché of females changing their mind to hamper her opponent

• Wasp again, for applying lipstick the moment the Avengers meeting is over

And the Award goes to…

Well, this was a tough one, but in the end, the Award goes to Doris, and let me tell you why. Although many women today maintain the same attitudes as these nominees, or go mousey in the face of testosterone, I hope that, of all the female behaviors here, Dorrie’s is the least likely to have survived into modern times. There’s something about her willingness to acquiesce to Johnny’s temper that feels so dated, so backwards, so NOT a part of the “Me Too” movement. Fifty years later, women know (or at least they SHOULD know) that they don’t have to put up with all that “macho bullshit.” I’m just quoting a line from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Commando which struck me when I first heard it in 1985. But obviously Doris had not heard that line back in 1964, and had not even considered that she might have the option of NOT staying with some over reactive jerk. My apologies to Johnny. I’m not calling him a jerk; he’s just acting like one. Doris shouldn’t have been so ready to bend over backwards to accommodate his temper. I don’t know what happens with Doris in the future, but I hope she gets over it and learns that “temper” is not the equivalent of “masculine strength.”

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BEST USE OF WOMEN’S INTUITION

You’ll notice in the Award above that many of these female characters show themselves to be keenly aware of the power they have over their world, their comrades and even their enemies, simply by virtue of being female. So, perhaps that 60’s sensibility of sex was not actually such a bad thing after all! And it’s certainly an asset when our female characters use their “Women’s Intuition.”

In the category of Best Use of Women’s Intuition, the nominees are…

• Janet Van Dyne, who immediately recognizes that the man in this Giant-Man suit is not her own Handsome Hank!

• Betty Ross, who is not fooled by the Chameleon masquerading as her Beloved Bruce Banner!

• Karen Page, who feels like…hmmmm…

And the Award goes to…

Karen Page. Janet and Betty are simply picking up on clues, but I believe Karen is sensing something amiss on a much deeper level. Unfortunately, as in the Most 60’s Portrayal of Women Award, poor Karen lacks the self-confidence to trust her own instincts. But she does HAVE instincts. I believe that on some deeper level she knows what’s going on. Or, she at least knows that SOMETHING is going on with her handsome blind boss. Can’t wait to see what happens when she finally figures it out!

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TECHNOLOGY…SORT OF…

In a previous Award, I mentioned that using the telephone and a tape recorder at the same time was what passed for Technology in the 1960’s. I stand by my words. And with that in mind, let us consider this next Award.

In the category of Technology…Sort Of…, the nominees are…

• Spider-Man’s Light Signal

• Spider-Man’s GPS Spider-tracker

• Dr. Blake’s ingenious 3D projector/Motorcycle

And the Award goes to…

Spider-Man’s tracker. I like that Marvel Comics foresaw GPS decades before it came into vogue. And I especially like that it was a nerdy high school kid who came up with the stylish gizmo.

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WISH WE HAD *THAT* INVENTION

Okay, this one is not based at all in the reality of the 1960’s, but rather in the imaginative spirit that first gave us the likes of Star Trek, Lost in Space, and of course…Marvel Comics! The following Marvel inventions all illustrate the “can-do spirit” of the 1960’s, but only one can win.

In the category of Wish We Had THAT Invention, the nominees are…

• Mr. Hyde’s Reversal Ray Gun

• Reed Richard’s Transistorized Detector

• Paste Pot Pete’s…Paste…

And the Award goes to…

Reed Richard’s Transistorized Detector. You can’t tell simply by the nomination picture, but the whole point of the invention is to locate the missing Invisible Girl–who is missing, by the way, not because she is Invisible, but because she’s been kidnapped. What a different world we would live in, if somehow we had an invention that could track down missing persons! The other two nominations are FUN, but Reed’s invention could prevent a lot of sorrow and heartbreak in the real world.

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NOW…THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT!

Marvel Comics are of course, themselves, a form of entertainment. Yet with an uncanny sense of self-awareness, the Marvel Bullpen spares no expense in shamelessly exploiting every aspect of showbiz and pop culture to spice up their stories with images and anecdotes that evoke all the other forms of entertainment that permeated the 1960’s. Paradoxically, it’s this imaginary aspect of the real world that makes the imaginary world of Marvel Comics feel more real (if that makes sense…)

In the category of Now…That’s Entertainment! the nominees are…

• The live broadcast of a reporter entering a haunted house

• Daredevil and Electro’s fight being interrupted by a stage revue of dancing girls

• The Magician pulls a rabbit out of his hat

• Green Goblin convinces a Hollywood director to shoot a movie with Spider-Man

• An over-eager Spider-Man ruins a shot in a heist movie

And the Award goes to…

Strange Tales #120, for bringing us the televised spectacle of a reporter walking into the unknown decades before Geraldo Rivera ever cracked open that vault, looking for Al Capone’s hope chest. Again, Marvel Comics anticipates the trend. (Or…perhaps….was Geraldo a fan of Marvel Comics and got this idea from Strange Tales #120?)

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WELL, IT IS, AFTER ALL, THE 60’S…

Ready for a little more nostalgia? Rev up your Time Machine, we’re about to take a wild ride into the 1960’s!

In the category of Well, It Is, After All, the 60’s, the nominees are…

• The Stingray car

• Dreamboat Cary Grant

• The Beverly Hillbillies

• Beatniks in Greenwich Village

• “Groovy!”

• The Beatles…again…

• Khrushchev

• Liz Taylor and Dick Burton

Had enough yet? I certainly have! Yes, this is certainly a field of contenders, but so much fun, I couldn’t bear to cut any of them. And now the difficult task of choosing one among many. Sigh…

And the Award goes to…

J. Jonah Jameson, for rightly evoking the image of the Beatles in his own personal nightmare of how popular thorn-in-his-side Spider-Man might become. Could anything be more distressful to Jameson than hordes of teenage girls screaming and fainting at the sight of Spidey? And wouldn’t you love to see how Jameson might deal with THAT?

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MOST EXOTIC LOCATION

By the 1960’s, audiences began to tire of watching the hi-jinks of suburban troublemakers like Dennis the Menace and the annoying Eddie Haskell. Audiences began to demand more exotic locales than the two-story house behind the white picket fence. And Marvel Comics stepped up to meet the demand!

In the category of Most Exotic Location, the nominees are…

• The Temple of Tirod in Mexico

• Asgard

• The Watcher’s home planet

• The Nightmare World

• Diablo’s castle in Transylvania

• Alternate Dimensions

• The domain of the dread Dormammu

And the Award goes to…

Strange Tales! But it’s a tie, because both the Nightmare World and the Domain of the Dread Dormammu have a Seuss-esque quality about them with which Mexico and Transylvania can never compete! All the others are Honorable Mentions, but my heart belongs to Dr. Seuss.

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MOST DRAMATIC “DAMSEL IN DISTRESS” MOMENT

“Damsel in Distress” has always been a staple of melodrama, and comics in general, and the Marvel Silver Age in particular, will not be left behind in this regard!

In the category Most Dramatic Damsel in Distress Moment, the nominees are…

• Betty Brant is captured by Doctor Octopus

• Doris is taken hostage by Barracuda

• Mr. Hyde kidnaps Jane Foster

• Owl captures Karen Page and puts her in a cage

• Wasp is held captive by Zemo

• Sue is taken captive by Mole Man

• Hawkeye kidnaps Pepper

Hmmm…with so many nominees…it makes me wonder if Marvel Comics could have possibly survived without this trope! So many to choose from!

But the Award goes to…

Owl for not only capturing Karen Page, but also putting her in a CAGE! (extra points for the rhyme?) And not only that… but he’s also got Daredevil! Some of the other nominees, while in dire straits, still may harbor hope that their hero will somehow get through and rescue them. But Karen can plainly see that her hero is in the same predicament! Who will save her now? Foggy?? Oh no. This situation is MOST distressing…

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THE DEPTH OF FASHION

I always get a kick out of how the Marvel Silver Age approaches the unique fashion style of the day. Many hits? But perhaps more misses!

In the category of The Depth of Fashion, the nominees are…

• Pepper makes fun of Happy’s colorful jacket

• Kraven the Hunter…I don’t care what decade it is…this is not a good look

• When did high school kids ever wear bow ties to school??

And the Award goes to…

Kraven. And I don’t even need to explain this one.

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BEST PJ’S OR UNDERWEAR

Let’s delve a little deeper into the world of fashion. Specifically, how does the Marvel Silver Age approach the subject of pajamas and underwear? They certainly don’t shy away from the more intimate apparel, as the following scenes will clearly show.

In the category of Best PJ’s or Underwear, the nominees are…

• Happy Hogan at the ironing board

• Iron Man recharging his battery

• Beast relaxing with his math books

• The Top reading the newspaper in bed

And the Award goes to…

Beast, because he looks both intellectual and handsome in his striped pajama pants.

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WORST HAIRSTYLE

Have you ever looked back at a photo of yourself and cringed because your hairstyle was so awful and dated?

In the category of Worst Hairstyle, the nominees are…

• The exotic-looking white-haired girl of Dormammu has a most unusual hairstyle…

• Young Thor looks very much like the Dutch Paint Boy, until he grows his hair out a bit, and resembles Farrah Fawcett

• Pepper Potts gets wet and invents the “mullet”

And the Award goes to…

Teenage Thor. Who among us does not have an embarrassing photo of ourselves sporting what we thought was a “cool” hairstyle, in our younger days? So much empathy…

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BEST HAIRSTYLE

On the other hand, good hair is good hair.

In the category of Best Hairstyle, the nominees are…

• The Mad Thinker evokes Willem Dafoe with his generous mane

• If you like redheads, you’ve got to love Matt Murdock

• And once again, that white-haired girl from Dormammu…

And the Award goes to…

Matt Murdock. Because I love redheads.

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TONY STARK’S LEAST ROMANTIC DATE

Tony Stark may be a handsome millionaire playboy, but that doesn’t mean every date he’s ever gone on is the absolute best. To bring our playboy down a notch, let us consider for a moment, some of his least romantic dates this past year.

In the category of Tony Stark’s Least Romantic Date, the nominees are…

• Tony dates Natasha, but she is actually on assignment for the Commies

• Tony wines and dines Pamela, but Freudian Slips her name…

• Tony takes Pepper to the Circus, because it’s the least romantic place he can think of

And the Award goes to…

Tony and Pamela. Nothing screams “NOT Romantic” like forgetting what girl you’re with and calling her by the name of the girl you really would prefer to be with! But then, when you finally get a chance to take out the girl you actually want to be with, you take her to the CIRCUS? I don’t really understand Tony Stark. He’s one mixed-up billionaire playboy.

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MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

In the 1950’s, Father Knows Best, Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver were the television model of the American Family. In the 1960’s, we still had Family Affair, the Cartwrights of Bonanza and Andy Griffith in Mayberry, but the Beverly Hillbillies, the Addams Family, and the Munsters were beginning to show us how much fun the dysfunctional family could be. Though Marvel’s definition of “family” wasn’t always a strict one, many groups in these Silver Age comics imitated and performed like an actual family. And many of those “families” put the “fun” into “dysfunctional”!

In the category of Most Dysfunctional Family, the nominees are…

• Toad begs Magneto to punish Mastermind

• The Executioner insults and bullies Zemo for his failure

• Despite the good advice from the Enchantress (see above), Doctor Doom’s Merciless Henchmen insist upon fighting among themselves

And the Award goes to…

Dr. Doom’s Merciless Henchmen. Of course “fighting among themselves” is the benchmark of the dysfunctional family, but in this case, we start out with such a low-grade inept group of criminals that they really can’t afford to gum up the works with senseless bickering. And yet they do.

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MY FAVORITE ALIEN(S)

I’ve been mentioning 1960’s TV shows quite a bit in these Awards, so it’s no wonder I’ve got Bill Bixby on my mind—though, at the moment, not as Bruce Banner from Incredible Hulk, but as the long-suffering Tim O’Hara of My Favorite Martian.

In the category of My Favorite Alien, the nominees are…

• The Infant Terrible

• The benevolent alien race of Wasp’s evil Mingo story

• The Watcher

• The body-snatching aliens who give Doctor Strange a run for his money

• The Sneepers

• The Haunted House Alien

• AKA…Gorko the Gypsy

And the Award goes to…

The Strange Tales alien who’s haunting a house. Yes, I know I gave an award for this story earlier, but the fact that I’m doing so again clearly indicates how strongly this story resonated with me (and these are, after all…MY Awards!) Aliens can be terrifying, but haunted houses even more so. Blending these concepts into one story is…KA-POW! If this was a movie, I would be too frightened to watch it. But as a 1964 Marvel Comic, it’s pure magic!

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ROBOTS AND ANDROIDS

Aliens…yes! But even moreso: what would the 1960’s be without robots and androids?

In the category of Robots and Androids, the nominees are…

• Victor Von Doom sends a mechanical man in his image to face the firing squad

• Banner creates a giant red robot

• Egghead devises a giant pink android to battle Giant-Man

• Kang uses a Spider-Man robot to fight the Avengers

And the Award goes to…

Victor Von Doom, for using his android for the most important task possible–self-preservation! Fighting your opponents with androids and robots is all well and good…but you can’t do it if you’re dead! Doom uses his mechanical man to save his own life, running away to live to fight another day! And Marvel Comics is all the better for it!

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CIRCUS ATMOSPHERE

It’s widely known that Stan Lee always had a dream of running away to join the circus. His fascination with the circus permeates Marvel Comics, making this world both richer and more bizarre. I wouldn’t be surprised if, as I continue to read Marvel Comics, there are many, many more references to the circus.

In the category of Circus Atmosphere, the nominees are…

• The X-Men take on a troupe of acrobats

• Daredevil and Spider-Man battle the Ringmaster

• Magneto enjoys the circus atmosphere

And the Award goes to…

Magneto, who soaks up the circus atmosphere with such glee. If Disney had owned Marvel in 1964, and had already made their animated version of Hercules, and if Magneto was so musically inclined, at this point he would be booming, “I would go most anywhere…to feel like I belong!”

One might say that the whole of the Marvel Silver Age feels like one big circus! Looking back from our vantage point 50 years later, who could disagree? But the circus is fun, isn’t it?! And in our next two sets of Awards, we’re about to meet the Ringmasters of the Marvel Circus, the writers and artists who make it all possible, so we are constantly entertained! Looking forward to meeting with you next week, for more Marvelous Awards!

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

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THE SUPERHERO AWARDS
or…
“Here I come, to save the day!”

Now we come to the heart of it all! Where would Marvel be without its superheroes? Still telling tales of cowboys, soldiers, and young nurses in love? Probably not. It’s difficult to imagine such mundane focus surviving very long in 12-cent newsprint. Well, back in 1964, you might be willing to plop down your dimes and pennies for the quick entertainment of such hackneyed genres, but to survive another fifty or sixty years requires the exploration of the very best and most noble inclinations of Man, with a capital M. Superheroes give us hope that the world can be a better place. That’s why we keep reading about them. And that’s why we need to honor them now with a new edition of the Marvelous Awards for Superheroes!

MOST EFFECTIVE NEW POWER

Let’s begin by considering the superpowers of the Superhero. But not the same old powers we’ve seen before. What’s new? What’s exciting? What makes you say, “Wow! That’s cool!”?

In the category of Most Effective New Power, the nominees are…

• The Invisible Girl discovers that in addition to making herself invisible, she can make others invisible as well.

But wait! That’s not all! How about that protective force field, which comes in handy when playing defense?

• Wasp adds to her arsenal a handy-dandy compressed-air gun. Sure, she’s already got the prickly needle thingy, a laser-sharp tongue, and a general ability to get small and buzz around, distracting the heck out of her opponent, but a girl (especially a superhero girl) will never turn down another way to emphatically make her point!

• Thor apparently can send his adversary into a space warp, or, if that’s not sufficient, can actually TURN BACK TIME.

And the Award goes to…

The Invisible Girl. As much as I just tried to talk up Wasp, really, she’s got a new weapon, not a superpower. And Thor seems to be mighty active these days, but Russ assures me a lot of what we’re seeing from him now will not stand the test of time. Sue’s abilities may in fact be mostly defensive, but somehow those Four keep getting themselves into sticky situations where the best offense is a good defense. At the very least, she affords Reed the time and opportunity to dream up some super-scientific solution to the problem. So, once again, I have to say… “You go, girl!”

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LEADERSHIP AWARD

I guess you could say all superheroes are leaders, but some are bigger and better leaders than others. Who is the best of the best?

In the category of Leadership Award, the nominees are…

• Mr. Fantastic, who holds together his sometimes errant group, while also coming up with those fabulous solutions. (If you had to mind the likes of Torch and Thing setting the house on fire, could you possibly fare as well?)

• Captain America. His moniker says it all: Captain. America. In some sense, he’s the leader of the whole country. Well, not really. (Sigh…too bad…) But arriving late to the Avengers, and the 1960’s, he’s had no problem making adjustments and stepping up to the line of duty.

• Cyclops. While Professor X is out of commission, Scott Summers dons the green suit and sits behind the desk, assuming an authoritarian role over his fellow X-Men.

And the Award goes to…

Mr. Fantastic. Cyclops is merely a “leader in training” (not to worry, I’m sure his day will come…) and as for Cap, every Avenger has a turn at leadership; it’s a joint effort. But nobody could lead the Fantastic Four like Reed. This year, he’s taken up a new leadership strategy when the going gets tough: “Shut up and do what I say! I’ll explain it to you later!” So, yeah, even though Reed is sometimes a dick, like Rhomann Dey in Guardians of the Galaxy, I don’t believe anyone is “100% a dick.” Including Reed Richards.

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MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT

I remember watching Star Trek as a kid and getting frustrated when Captain Kirk would make a speech, rather than kill the bad guy. In my simple childlike mind, I understood fairness and justice much better than mercy and political correctness. And even though I’ve grown up, and now have a deeper understanding of complex ethical concepts…every now and then, I still wish the superhero would just kill the bastard! (Pardon my French…)

In the category of Most Politically Correct, the nominees are…

• Reed Richards

• The Ancient One

• Matt Murdock

And the Award goes to…

The Ancient One. Reed is LEGALLY correct. Murdock is MORALLY correct. But the Ancient One so faithfully echoes the Captain Kirk philosophy that drove me crazy as a kid. Now…let’s all hold hands and sing “Kumbaya…”

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MOST OUTRAGEOUS MR. FANTASTIC CONFIGURATION

Let the images speak for themselves…

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

And the Award goes to…

Mr. Fantastic as the human boat. Bizarre. Unsettling. Disturbing. OUTRAGEOUS!!

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MOST CREATIVE USE OF A SUPERPOWER
(OTHER THAN MR. FANTASTIC)

More images! Let’s just go with it. Take a gander at these:

• From Amazing Spider-Man #8:

• From Tales to Astonish #54:

• From Avengers #5:

• From X-Men #7:

And the Award goes to…

Iceman, because he actually STOPS torpedoes. He prevents death and destruction. Sure, Spider-Man and Giant-Man are innovative, but using their powers for transportation and weaponry pales in comparison to Iceman’s feat. When the pressure’s on, and you can still dream up a way to save the day, that’s worthy of an Award.

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MOST ANGST-RIDDEN SUPERHERO

Can a superhero really be any fun at all, if he’s not riddled with guilt and angst? “Psychologically well-adjusted” is not necessarily a pre-requisite for the job. The best superheroes have the worst luck, and the most annoying circumstances.

In the category of Most Angst-Ridden Superhero, the nominees are…

• Daredevil, who fights crime as a way of avenging his murdered father

• Spider-Man, who has not only a murdered uncle, but also a host of enduring real-life issues, including girls, money, a sick aunt, a domineering boss, harassing schoolmates, and PR problems due to the unrelenting efforts of J. Jonah Jameson and his barrels of ink

• Iron Man, who must spend the rest of his life in armor, or risk death (oh, and let’s not forget that his best friend likes the only girl he’s really interested in)

And the Award goes to…

Spider-Man. Almost everyone has a dead relative, like Daredevil, and every superhero, like Iron Man, lives on the verge of death. As for not being able to connect with his love interest…well, I offer up for your consideration the undisputed fact that Stark is a freakin’ billionaire, so really…kind of hard for me to feel sorry for him. Boo hoo… But poor Peter! He’s so young, and he bears so many burdens. It’s a dubious honor to be awarded the “Most Angst-Ridden Superhero,” but Peter wins this one, hands down.

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THE DRUDGERY OF BEING A SUPERHERO

It’s not always glamorous, you know. Sometimes even super-heroes get bogged down with real life issues.

In the category of The Drudgery of Being a Superhero, the nominees are…

• The Avengers must observe Roberts’ Rules of Order

• Daredevil creates a convenient pouch for carrying his street clothes, while otherwise garbed in his superhero costume

• Thor must reimburse the city for street repairs when he uses the force of his hammer to save a boy from being run over by a truck

• Let’s just call this one “Explanations are boring”

• Again with the wardrobe issues!

• And finally, despite all his mystical powers, when the phone rings, Doctor Strange still has to pick up the receiver to answer it, just like a normal person

And the Award goes to…

The Avengers and those damn Rules of Order! Having been in a few meetings in my lifetime, and after watching Congressional hearings on TV, I can surely sympathize. However, I do want to mention that I’m particularly incensed that Thor would have to PAY for the repairs, after he’s saved the city. But that’s not drudgery…it’s simply unfair!

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TEAMWORK

Paradoxically, though the best super-heroes are leaders, really, when you get down to it, the best of the best are those that are both leaders AND are able to work and play well with others. In the fast-paced world of derring-do, there’s not often time for personal conflict or confusion. Two heads are better than one, right? But not if those two heads are not on the same page!

In the category of Teamwork, the nominees are…

• Giant-Man and Wasp communicate through cybernetic helmets

• Spider-Man and Torch work together to round up the Enforcers

• Beast comes to Angel’s aid against the Blob, then Marvel Girl helps them both

And the Award goes to…

Spidey and Torch, because there is already such a well-documented history of one upmanship between them. Any sort of cooperation between these two strong teenage male personalities is certainly worthy of an award!

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UNEASY ALLIANCES – THE HEROES

Okay, I just got done handing out awards for Teamwork, and now here we are, nominating some of the same folks for NOT Teamwork. But just because they fight on the same side doesn’t mean all superheroes always get along with each other. And petty jealousies may be only the beginning of their problems!

In the category of Uneasy Alliance – The Heroes, the nominees are…

• Spider-Man and Torch

• Torch and Iceman

• Wasp and Spider-Man

And the Award goes to…

Spidey and Wasp. Even though Iceman and Torch have their differences, the Award goes to Spidey and Wasp for trepidation that is fully rooted at the biological level. Add to that: they are both strong, outspoken, sassy personalities. If opposites attract, I don’t see how these two, who are so alike in every way except the insect with which they most strongly identify, can ever possibly call a truce.

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THE HULKISH AWARD

When is Hulk most Hulkish? Let me count the ways…

• When he rocks a building back and forth

• When he crunches a missile with a single punch

• When he rips a bus in half

• When he cracks through rocks

And the Award goes to…

Hulk crunching a missile, because what shows Hulk’s churlish demeanor better than his willingness to spar with the full strength of the military?

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TRAVELING IN STYLE

One of the joys of these early comics is seeing how many ways the creators can dream up to get their characters around from place to place. In most cases, a simple automobile just won’t do! Superheroes need super-duper modes of transportation.

In the category of Traveling In Style, the nominees are…

• The Fantasticar

• A flying Viking ship

• A winged battle stallion

And the Award goes to…

The flying Viking Ship. Winged horses? Seen ’em before. They’re all over fantasy literature. And as fantastic as the fantasticar is, it can’t hold a candle to the epic vision of a flying ship! Extra points for evoking a steampunk vibe, decades before steampunk was a thing.

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TRAVELING…NOT IN STYLE

Well, that’s the best of the best. But how about the dubious honor of employing the worst possible option when it comes to simple physical conveyance?

In the category of Traveling Not In Style, the nominees are…

• The subway

• Tow truck

• Flying ants

And the Award goes to…

The X-Men, for having to endure the degradation of the New York City subway. If all superheroes had to travel like this all the time, we have to wonder what sort of shape the Marvel Universe would be in.

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HOW I DO IT, OR…THE MAGICIAN’S SECRETS REVEALED

There’s nothing worse than the know-it-all who insists on explaining in painstaking detail how their amazing feats are accomplished. Not only because a good magician never reveals his secrets, but also because all this chitter-chatter slows down the action at the most inopportune times.

In the category of How I Do It, or…The Magician’s Secrets Revealed, the nominees are…

• Spider-Man, for stopping in the middle of fighting Doc Ock to give a tutorial on loading his web cartridges

• Daredevil for MULTIPLE overstuffed word balloons

• The entire Tales of Suspense #55 feature showing every aspect of Iron Man’s costume and weaponry

And the Award goes to…

Iron Man’s multi-page spread describing the technology behind his armor. I wasn’t an eight-year-old boy in 1964, but I knew some, and they would have been fascinated by this behind-the-curtain look. Fifty years later, I’m still not an eight-year-old boy, but the fascination that I feel when I see Tony Stark getting in and out of his armor in the Marvel movies must be similar to how the readers of these early comics felt about this explanatory feature. And because it stands alone, outside the story, it avoids falling into the trap of slowing down the narrative.

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GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES

Miniaturization is a recurring theme in Marvel Comics, giving credence to the axiom “Good things come in small packages.”

In the category of Good Things Come in Small Packages, the nominees are…

• Wasp

• Ants

• Engagement Rings

And the Award goes to…

Engagement rings! Hello! I’m a girl. Did you really think I was going to pick ANTS??

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BEST POUT BY A SUPERHERO

Even superheroes have their “down days.” And when they pout, they pout epically.

In the category of Best Pout by a Superhero, the nominees are…

• Iron Man

• Thing

• Hulk

• Human Torch

And the Award goes to…

Iron Man is being childish. Johnny is being a teenager—it’s his job. Thing and Hulk are both justified. It’s gotta go to Ben. How sad…

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MOST GRATUITOUS USE OF SUPERPOWERS

If pouting is something we don’t usually equate with superheroes, how much more unusual is it to see our heroes using their powers in totally gratuitous fashion? Having superpowers is something that should be taken very seriously! And yet, on occasion…

In the category of Most Gratuitous Use of Superpowers, the nominees are…

• Human Torch puts on a fireworks display

• The X-Men use their powers for party tricks

• Human Torch doubles as the Human Cigarette Lighter

• Scott channels Emily Post, as he zaps Beast to scold him for reaching across the table

• Iceman makes pie a la mode

And the Award goes to…

Torch, for his Fireworks display. Johnny is such a showoff, he really can’t help himself.

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MIGHTY WARRIOR POSE

Now here’s something we DO like to see in superheroes: striking the pose of a Mighty Warrior!

In the category of Mighty Warrior Pose, the nominees are…

• Thor

• Namor

• Human Torch

• Iron Man

And the Award goes to…

Namor! He actually looks like he’s posing, almost like he was in a bodybuilding competition.

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NEW AND IMPROVED

Nothing is ever stagnant in life, whether we’re talking about our own hum-drum world, or the Marvel Universe. Even though the Marvel Universe is a place of the most stupendous attributes and achievements, it seems there is always still room for improvement!

In the category of New and Improved, the nominees are…

• Iceman goes from snowman to a true man of ice

• Iron Man drops his cat-ears faceplate for a riveted helmet

• Giant-Man exchanges those troublesome size-changing capsules with his own mental energy

• Doctor Strange receives a new and improved cloak and amulet from the Ancient One after a well-fought battle against the dread Dormammu

And the Award goes to…

Doctor Strange, because he gains a true power upgrade with the cloak and amulet. Giant-Man’s improvement is for his own convenience, and Iceman and Iron Man are basically just cosmetic. If these awards were merely a beauty pageant, they’d be back in the running.

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SCIENCE NERD

Though the Marvel Universe is a place full of wonder and even, sometimes, enchantment, there’s no denying that science is a major player in this bold new world. And where there is science, you will necessarily find scientists. We’ve got a few, and they’ve all had their Science Nerd moments.

In the category of Science Nerd, the nominees are…

• Reed Richards stops in the middle of a crisis to explain solar waves and ionic dust particles

• Hank Pym concocts a formula to locate the captured Wasp through the energy imprint of her heartbeat

• Banner claims he was lost while conducting research in a cave

And the Award goes to…

Banner, because the only thing nerdier than conducting scientific experiments in a cave is PRETENDING to conduct scientific experiments in a cave. Extra points for Talbot’s perceptive and sarcastic remarks about Banner being toooooo smooth.

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NOW THAT’S USIN’ YOUR NOGGIN

Super strength is a recurring theme in the Marvel Universe, but all that strength isn’t going to get you anywhere if you aren’t at the same time using your most important muscle: your brain!

In the category of Now That’s Usin’ Your Noggin, the nominees are…

• Reed Richards enters Doctor Doom’s head to create an illusion of victory

• Johnny Storm creates enough smoke to attract the fire department

• Giant-Man repurposes a billboard as a megaphone to warn the town of impending danger

And the Award goes to…

Reed Richards. Not only does he understand the properties of the hallucinatory drink, but he also comprehends the workings of his opponent’s psyche, to the point that he is able to pull off a very tricky deception that wins the day. It’s a dicey move…but he takes a calculated risk, and in the end, it works!

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THE ACHILLES HEEL

The most important aspect of any superhero’s anatomy is his Achilles Heel. Without an Achilles Heel, superheroes would be perfect…and frankly, deadly dull. So! Let us celebrate the Achilles Heel with the following nominations:

In the category of Achilles Heel, the nominees are…

• Torch’s asbestos rope, cages, blindfolds, pens and pencils, paper, TV remote controls, scrambled eggs…

• Thor and his pesky 60-Second Rule

• Iron Man’s fragile heart, which requires batteries and extension cords

• Daredevil and his super-sensitive radar sense

And the Award goes to…

Thor’s 60-Second Rule. Let’s reason it out. Daredevil’s radar sense is not a true Achilles Heel, it’s actually a super-power; it just backfires on occasion. Iron Man can plan ahead so he’s fully charged up for the adventure. Torch can avoid asbestos. But there’s nothing Thor can do. That 60-Second Rule is part of who he is. If that part of the enchantment is enacted, his secret identity is revealed to the world, and in the Marvel Universe, that’s the worst thing that can happen to a super-hero (unless you’re in the Fantastic Four).

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BEST FIGHT SCENE

I love romance and soap opera probably more than the average Marvel Comics fan, but I still have to admit that without all those fabulous fight scenes, the Marvel Universe would look more like Peyton Place or Pine Valley, and less like the truly energetic and fascinating place it is. And so, though I don’t like to see too many fight scenes, I’m more than willing to give credit where credit is due.

In the category of Best Fight Scene, the nominees are…

• Spider-Man takes out a bunch of bad guys at once

• Captain America against a whole gang

• Thor fights an Octi-Robot

• Doctor Strange matches powers with Aggamon

• Thor throws Hyde and Cobra around like they’re rag dolls

• Spidey against Doc Ock and all his tentacles

And the Award goes to…

Captain America, because of all our nominees, Cap fights without the benefit of super-powers generated by technology or magic. It’s all him; strength of his human body, and the strength of his human spirit.

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BEST GUEST APPEARANCE

At this point, most Marvel superheroes have their own titles, but that does not preclude them periodically jumping the page to show up in a fellow superhero’s tale, either for a brief moment of assistance, just to say “Hi!” or even to plug their own title. It’s always fun to spot a cameo appearance, and some cameos are more fun than others.

In the category of Best Guest Appearance, the nominees are…

• Doctor Strange assists the Fantastic Four in finding Namor

• Hulk guests in Fantastic Four #25 & #26

• Daredevil joins Spider-Man to put an end to the Circus of Crime

• Doctor Strange assists Dr. Blake in finding the kidnapped Jane Foster

• EVERYBODY makes a cameo appearance in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1!

• The Avengers pop in to help the Fantastic Four fight Mole Man

• Iceman shows up on a cruise with Johnny Storm and his girlfriend Doris

And the Award goes to…

EVEYBODY! In Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1. As they say: “The more the merrier!”

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And on that note, I’ll conclude this installment of the Marvelous Awards. Join me next week when we’ll travel back in time to consider all the flair and foibles of the 1960’s, and I’ll engage in a golden opportunity to present the Silver Age Awards!

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

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THE SUPER-VILLAIN AWARDS

Last time we looked at the Supporting Cast members, who are generally a genial group of folks. Now, we turn our attention to the Villains! Yes, let’s do that right away, and get it over with, so we can quickly turn our minds back to more pleasant matters.

Our marvelous heroes have a ton of thanks to heap upon this early hodgepodge of villains. And so do we, because frankly, without villains, heroes would be deadly dull. There are only so many times we can abide Thor rescuing a stranded kitty from a high branch, or Iron Man entertaining orphans by juggling automobiles. Heroes need real work to do, and that’s what our villains provide.

And so, we are proud to present The Marvelous Awards: Villains!

UGLIEST VILLAIN

With the occasional exception of a deceptively beautiful femme fatale, villains tend to be ugly creatures. Some more than others.

In the category of Ugliest Villain, the nominees are…

• Mister Hyde, always a thorn in Thor’s side

• The Vulture, a veritable pain in Spider-Man’s you-know-what

• Asgardian Trolls

• Warthog with a hammer

And the Award goes to…

Sorry, Vulture, you’re just an old man with wings, and trolls of course are supposed to be ugly. As for the warthog, Russ nominated him, but I think the warthog looks rather fetching in his metallic blue suit. So…the Award goes to Mister Hyde! After all, isn’t that the whole point of his shtick? Sure, he has super-strength, but so do a lot of other villains. It’s Hyde’s unique combination of super-strength and super-ugliness that makes his villainy that much more loathsome.

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THE MWAH HAHAHAHA! AWARD FOR THE GLOATING VILLAIN

But of course, looks aren’t everything. Like the homely girl who is praised for having “a great personality,” true villainy is much more about attitude than appearance. And one skill any good villain must perfect is the Villainous Gloat. The Supporting Characters had their own Gloating Award, but honestly, no one gloats as enthusiastically as a Super-Villain. After all, if you aren’t having an absolute blast lording it over your opponents, you might as well stay home and wash your hair (or fangs, or weapons, or magical talisman).

In the category of MWAH HAHAHAHA! Gloating Villain, the nominees are…

• The Owl, for his apparent glee over Daredevil’s surrender:

• Diablo, for this classic villainous taunt:

• Hawkeye, for also making good use of the word “sneer”:

• Dr. Doom, for being satisfied with no less than all:

• And Loki, who dreams big:

And the Award goes to…

Dr. Doom! Actually, it’s a toss-up between Doom and Loki, because they’re both thinking HUGE, seeking to rule an entire civilization/world. But Doom edges out Loki, because somehow he gets his metal mouth to assume the appearance of a sneering smile. That can’t be easy.

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THE “BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR…” AWARD

Villains do indeed have big dreams and want it all, but sometimes their enthusiasm backfires. Let’s consider for a moment our nominees.

In the category Be Careful What You Wish For, the nominees are…

• The Beetle goes past “Maximum Output” with his electronic power source and nearly kills himself

• The Wizard uses an anti-gravity device to escape from Torch, but it takes him so high, there’s no air left to breathe

• After Beast shoots Unus the Untouchable with a power-increasing gun, Unus quickly discovers he can’t touch anything, not even his beloved cigarettes

These are all great examples of the need to be careful what you wish for!

But the Award goes to…

Unus, if only because his predicament so closely mirrors that of mythical King Midas. In comics, evoking the classics is always good for a few extra points.

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BEST HANDS

Villains tend to be expressive in so many ways, not least of which is their flamboyantly animated attention to detail when waving their hands about.

In the category of Best Hands, the nominees are…

• Enchantress, Zemo and Executioner, for providing such artistic flair to the cover of Avengers #7:

• Loki, for keeping pace with the talented Dr. Strange in Strange Tales #123:

• Scarlet Witch, for freeing brother Pietro with a hex from her red-gloved hand:

And the Award goes to…

Loki and Dr. Strange! I can’t help it! I am eternally a fan of the Strange / Loki disco dancing sequence!

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MOST PATHETIC SPIDER-MAN JAIL SCENE

Not all villains come to a good end. Come to think of it, very few do. Best case scenario, they run away, and live to fight another day. But what could be more embarrassing than being captured by the cops and sent to prison…especially if teenage Spider-Man is the one that sends you there? That happens a lot.

In the category of Most Pathetic Spider-Man Jail Scene, the nominees are…

• Mysterio ends his adventures with his head hung low in the police station. So sad.

• Sandman agrees to go back to jail peacefully, rather than having to once again face Spidey and “that flaming freak” Torch.

• The Sinister Six all end up squabbling together in one jail cell.

And the Award goes to…

The Sinister Six! Mysterio is simply pathetic, and there’s some comedy with Sandman, but nothing beats the group angst of all six villains sharing a single cell! Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on that wall and see how they make it through until the police inexplicably (as they often do) let them all go?

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MOST MONSTROUS MONSTER

We’ve considered our ugly villains, and while monsters are not always villains, they are always monstrous, and with nowhere else to place them, they land here in the Villains category, simply because they are too good to leave out. Who—or what??–is the most monstrous monster?

In the category of Most Monstrous Monster, the nominees are…

• The Storm Giants
• The Lava Men
• The Mindless Ones

And the Award goes to…

The Mindless Ones, if only because they are so mysterious, and can’t be reasoned with. The Storm Giants and Lava Men are typical monsters, ho hum…But the Mindless Ones remind me way too much of the Borg from Star Trek: the Next Generation…and that is truly frightening!

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BEST POUT BY A SUPER-VILLAIN,
OR THE “CURSES! I’LL GET YOU YET!” AWARD

But let us return now to our “true” villains, and their truly despicable personalities. Like any two-year old, all good villains pout and plot revenge, when things don’t go their way.

In the category of Best Pout by a Super-Villain, the nominees are…

• Loki

• Mole Man

• Plantman

• Mister Hyde

• Sub-Mariner

• Thinker

So many to choose from!

But the Award goes to…

Plantman, who gets bonus points for the irony of boasting, even as he’s taken away in handcuffs. To stand firm even when your ship is sinking requires a superhuman level of unabashed denial.

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UNEASY ALLIANCES: THE VILLAINS

It’s true, villains don’t play well with heroes, but, as it turns out, they don’t play well with their fellow villains either! There is no oath of loyalty in the Villains Club, as the following nominees well prove.

In the category of Uneasy Alliances, the nominees are…

• Namor and Hulk secretly plot revenge against each other

• Kraven and Chameleon fight about who’s in charge as they make plans to vanquish Iron Man

• Cobra and Hyde fight to see who will attack Thor

And the Award goes to…

Namor and Hulk. All these villains exhibit such dysfunctional relationships, even among their own kind, and the results are laughable. But nothing exemplifies villainy as well as the secret thoughts of Namor and Hulk. That their sentiments appear in thought bubbles rather than speech balloons lends a chilling air of cold, heartless reality to their truest nature.

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GOOFIEST SUPER-VILLAIN COSTUME

Villains try so hard to be fearsome, but sometimes their best efforts fail dramatically. Some might do well to include a qualified tailor in their small army of minions.

In the category of Goofiest Super-Villain Costume, the nominees are…

• Mysterio, whose cape appears to be held up by mysterious eye buttons

• Kraven the Hunter, whose appearance causes us to wonder “Did he just escape from the circus, or is he getting home late from a disco club?”

• The Scarecrow, because he looks like…well, a scarecrow

And the Award goes to…

Kraven the Hunter. Yes, I know there’s a good case to be made for his fellow nominees, but nothing says “over the top” like sideburns and a bare chest. (Inexplicably, the gang at Midtown High School thinks he’s “cool,” but that’s a different award category…) Note: No offense to Paste Pot Pete, who must have been so insulted by being chosen last year’s winner that he decided to have a make-over, so he’s now (somewhat) less clownish, with his stylish Beatles haircut.

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MOST GROTESQUE VILLAIN

On the other side of the spectrum, some villains are just…plain…GROSS!

In the category of Most Grotesque Villain, the nominees are…

• The Blob, whose flesh resists even bullets

• Doctor Octopus, with all his gangly tentacles

• Nightmare, with his crazed nightmarish demeanor

And the Award goes to…

Doctor Octopus, because there’s something so horrifying about a half-man/half-machine. And when you couple his gruesome appearance with Aunt May’s genial acceptance of his good manners as he serves tea and danish, it makes you feel like you’ve entered into a Twilight Zone that even Nightmare himself could not hold a candle to!

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BEST USE OF DISGUISE BY A SUPER-VILLAIN

Deception and disguise are the hallmarks of so many good villains. (Of course, here I use the word “good” to mean “bad.”) Disguise often serves as a plot device to dupe our all-too-trusting heroes. Any “good” villain considers it a mark of brilliance when his use of disguise wins him, if not the war, at least the battle.

In the category of Best Use of Disguise by a Super-Villain, the nominees are…

• Porcupine, who “hides in plain sight” at a costume party where Giant-Man’s fans dress up as his conquered villains

• The Chameleon, for convincingly portraying a wounded Captain America

• The Wizard, who impersonates Torch in order to kidnap sister Sue

• Loki, for securing Dr. Blake’s trust in his guise of an old man, for the express purpose of relieving Blake of his magical cane

And the Award goes to:

The Chameleon. C’mon now! His moniker alone wins him this Award! In addition, in this particular sham, he even gains Cap’s thoughts and memories through use of an Electronic Thought-Transference machine, in order to defeat Iron Man. Though Chameleon does not always succeed in his deceptions (sometimes being waylaid by something as elemental as “women’s intuition”), in this instance, his super-villainous power serves him exceptionally well.

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BEST LURE

Deception is only one trick in the super-villain’s arsenal. Let’s consider the “Lure”:

In the category of Best Lure, the nominees are…

• Yogi Dakor lures impressionable youth Johnny Storm with a newspaper promise of a hot rod

• Mordo uses a recorded phone call to separate Dr. Strange’s ectoplasmic self from his physical body

• Doctor Doom invites the Fantastic Four to a gala event, where he gives them a hallucinatory drink that causes them to turn on each other

• Sandman and the Enforcers use the captured Torch to lure Spider-Man

• Kang’s Spider-Man robot tells the Avengers that Iron Man has been taken prisoner by Zemo in Mexico

And the Award goes to…

Mordo, for his superlative combination of technology and innovation. (In 1964, using a tape recorder and telephone at the same time counts as “technology.”) Not only that, but by separating Dr. Strange’s ectoplasmic self from his body, Mordo affords himself the opportunity to do more harm to the hero than any of our other nominees. Fortunately for us (and Doctor Strange), Mordo is not able to capitalize on that opportunity. Curses! Foiled again!

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NEW VILLAIN WITH THE GREATEST POTENTIAL

I guess you can never have too many villains in a world full of superheroes. 1964 saw the introduction of so many new villains, you would be hard pressed to count them all on your fingers and toes.

In the category of New Villain With the Greatest Potential, the nominees are…

• Electro

• Mandarin

• Green Goblin

• Kang the Conqueror

• The Purple Man

• Immortus, the Master of Time

And the Award goes to…

The Purple Man. Many super-villainous powers are scary, but none so much as the ability to control others. All other super-villainous powers pale in comparison. I look forward to seeing what Marvel’s going to do with the Purple Man, and whether they’ll find a better way to control his awesome power than wrapping him up in a tarp.

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LEAST IMPRESSIVE NEW VILLAIN

Every coin has two sides.

In the category of Least Impressive New Villain, the nominees are…

• Scarecrow

• Rabble Rouser

• Mysterio

• Kraven

• The Matador

And the Award goes to…

Mysterio. Although he may look good at first glance (if you can just get past those eye buttons), in the end he’s nothing more than a special effects guy with no real powers. It’s all, LITERALLY, smoke and mirrors. We deserve better.

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FEMME FATALE AWARD

In our subset of super-villains, none are as enchanting as the Femme Fatale. Marvel is catching on to this phenomenon.

In the category of Femme Fatale, the nominees are…

• Enchantress

• Black Widow

• Scarlet Witch

And the Award goes to…

The Enchantress. Let’s start by eliminating Scarlet Witch. Though she is “femme” and can indeed be “fatale,” her heart isn’t really in her work. Her main interest right now is protecting her brother, and somehow getting out of Magneto’s employ. Black Widow has shown us her softer side this year, which semi-disqualifies her, so that leaves Enchantress, who may be physically enchanting with her skin-tight green costume and long blonde hair, but is above all, always up to no good. (And traveling around with a guy named “The Executioner” does not inspire trust or good will.)

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MOST INSULTING TO THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

Marvel sometimes reaches into the animal kingdom for comic results, and when super-villains identify themselves this way, you have to feel sorry for those four-legged, six-legged or feathered creatures.

In the category of Most Insulting to the Animal Kingdom, the nominees are…

• The Uncanny Unicorn

• The Beetle

• The Owl

And the Award goes to…

The Owl. Beetles are BUGS. It’s hard to insult a bug. And unicorns are not real, so this nominee is eliminated on a technicality. Owl is the winner, since he so easily and so often besmirches the good reputation of actual owls by being…um…not so wise.

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MAGNETO’S COOLEST LAIR

One staple of any good super-villain (and again…well, you get the point), is the Evil Lair. In the same way that “clothes make the man,” an impressive lair can easily boost the mojo of any super-villain. Magneto probably doesn’t need the boost, but still, he’s got this. In spades.

In the category of Magneto’s Coolest Lair, the nominees are…

• Magneto’s hideout in an asteroid

• Magneto’s mysterious isle with a giant magnet emitting strange rays

• Magneto’s submarine, disguised as a piece of driftwood

And the Award goes to…

the cleverly disguised asteroid. I’m actually disappointed in Magneto for even thinking of having a secret lair on a mysterious island. How many super-villains run off to a mysterious island when they want to get away from it all? Not particularly innovative. Now, the submarine disguised as driftwood is somewhat more innovative but really…driftwood? Lost “style” points on driftwood make the asteroid the clear winner in this category!

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COOLEST EVIL LAIR (NON-MAGNETO…)

Not to say Magneto’s the only super-villain who can successfully pull off the Evil Lair! Oh no!

In the category of Coolest Evil Lair (Non-Magneto…), the nominees are…

• The Red Ghost’s moonship full of magnetic equipment

• The Thinker’s private isle which houses his vast complex of electronic computers

• Owl’s “secret” lair, which looks suspiciously like an owl…

And the Award goes to…

Namor! And his underwater bachelor pad! Yeah, I know this is not one of the nominees, but honestly, none of this year’s nominees can hold a candle to Namor’s underwater bachelor pad, complete with framed and signed photo from his major crush, Sue Storm. Yes, I know this is cheating. But hey! We’re talking about VILLAINS here! They would probably respect me for not playing by the rules.

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NOT REALLY BAD

When is a super-villain not a super-villain? When you can look deep into their soul…and find they actually have a soul! Some of our bad guys (and gals) are that much more fascinating because the mere hint of a speck of nobility keeps us guessing which side they might eventually choose. Jessica Rabbit once famously said, “I’m not really bad, I’m just drawn that way.” The following contenders might be ready to join that club.

In the category of Not Really Bad, the nominees are…

• Wanda and Pietro only stay with Magneto over a sense of duty, not because they’re on board with his evil ways

• Namor is a king, and when push comes to shove, you have to admit what appears evil from a surface dweller’s perspective is little more than the monarch trying to preserve and advance his own kingdom

• Wonder Man turns from evil when he realizes how much the Avengers tried to help him

• In these early issues, Hawkeye is more resentful, gullible and misunderstood than evil; he’s a dupe who gets drawn in by a pretty face.

• As Black Widow is taken back behind the Iron Curtain by her comrades, she wonders with a tear falling from her eye, whether she will ever see Hawkeye again

And the Award goes to…

Namor. I began by mentioning “soul,” and not only does Namor have one, but it is the soul of a king. The others have specific moments when a light shines through a chink in the armor, but Namor always acts with the best intentions of a responsible ruler and righteous warrior.

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And now, I think we’ve given more than enough attention to villains. Join me next week, when we’ll consider the best of the best, the most marvelous of Marvel’s superheroes, for whom the armor is neither chipped, nor rusted, nor blemished in any way, but brightly polished to reveal the full glory of what it means to be a champion!

THE MARVELOUS AWARDS!!

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SUPPORTING CAST AWARDS

It’s been a long time since I’ve added to this blog, and I could tell you that the entire time I was away, I did nothing but comb through the Marvel Comics of 1964 to find the very best nominees and winners for the Awards that are about to follow. And if I told you that, it wouldn’t be true. Preparing for these Awards does take a lot of time, but not actually that much. You know how life gets: one thing after another, and sometimes you get a little tired, or lazy, or whatever. There’s really no excuse for my being away from this blog for so long. But I’ve taken a deep breath, and I think it’s time to come back. And what better way to come back, than with a series of Awards, one installment each week for the next seven weeks!

Right before I went on this extended break, I had just finished reading the comics of 1964. And there is so much ground to cover in the active Marvel year of 1964! So where should we begin? Same as last time, I think, with Supporting Characters. The premise is that we’re starting at the bottom and working our way up—but don’t tell that to any of these supporting characters, who actually bring so much to the table, vibrantly fleshing out the hero vs. villain core of the comics world, which, frankly, would be rather boring without all the personality and soap opera provided by these peripheral players.

And so! Let us now begin the epic undertaking known as the 2nd Annual Marvelous Awards!

NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: BEST NEW SUPPORTING CHARACTER

Behind every great superhero, there’s a great supporting cast. Old friends are gold, but the new ones are one of the best things about the Silver Age of Marvel Comics. Which new supporting cast member will win the coveted title?

In the category of New Kid on the Block: Best New Supporting Character, the nominees are…

• Foggy Nelson, long-suffering law partner to Daredevil’s alter-ego, Matt Murdock
• Karen Page, attractive and sympathetic secretary to the aforementioned Nelson and Murdock
• Maj. Glenn Talbot, the latest major pain in the you-know-what to long-suffering scientist Bruce Banner, and his alter ego, the Hulk

And the Award goes to…

Glenn Talbot! Though Talbot has only recently appeared, he’s planning to provide no end of trouble for Bruce Banner. Foggy, frankly, is little more than office wallpaper at this point. And Karen, though attractive and sympathetic, has not yet brought anything new to the table beyond what we’ve already seen from other unrequited love interests (think: Jane Foster, Betty Brant, Pepper Potts). Things may brighten up in Daredevil’s corner of the Marvel Universe, but right now, no one’s stirring the pot quite like Major Talbot!

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MOST SUPPORTIVE SUPPORTING CHARACTER

But hold on, Ms. Page! You may yet have your turn, as we turn now to the Most Supportive Supporting Character award, granted to that supporting character who goes above and beyond to show commitment and devotion to their star players.

In the category of Most Supportive Supporting Character, the nominees are…

• Karen Page, for writing a letter to an eye specialist in hopes of getting her blind boss an appointment that could lead to the restoration of his sight

• May Parker, for constantly nagging nephew Peter (in the most loving way possible, of course) to take his vitamins, wear a sweater and get plenty of rest. She’s a never-ending source of love and devotion, particularly when she gives an ailing Peter “The Gumption Speech.”

• Happy Hogan, for risking his life not once, not twice, but at least three times in repeated shows of extreme devotion to boss Tony Stark

And the Award goes to…

Aunt May. Though Karen’s heart is in the right place, anyone can write a letter. True, Happy seems willing to make the supreme sacrifice, but at the same time, I wonder how much of his performance is merely a machismo attempt to impress Pepper. Aunt May, however, is so consistently insistent on making sure Peter stays on the right track. And honestly, you just can’t beat that Gumption Speech.

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SIDEKICK WITH THE BIGGEST KICK

When is a supporting character more than a supporting character? When they’re a sidekick! Sidekicks are just like real people—or, real comic book characters, anyway—except for one thing: While enjoying an exceptionally close affinity to their designated Alpha, they pretty much have no life of their own. If we didn’t have heroes and villains, there would be no need for sidekicks. With that in mind, it’s easy to see why a sidekick needs to have a BIG KICK! So, let’s take a look at our short list of nominees.

In the category of Sidekick with the Biggest Kick, the nominees are…

• Rick Jones. Not only does he spend a good deal of time nursing Banner back to health after so many Hulkish episodes, but he also trains with Captain America, perfecting the art of Judo so that he’s actually pretty handy in a fight.

• The Teen Brigade. Sidekicks galore! But they function together as a seamless unit to provide whatever is needed at the moment.

• Toad. Though Toad is nowhere near as useful as Rick Jones or the Teen Brigade, absolutely no other character in the Marvel Universe surpasses him for complete devotion to the master.

And the Award goes to…

Rick Jones! Mr. Jones serves as the most traditional sidekick, akin to a DC Comics sidekick, a la Batman’s Robin or Green Arrow’s Speedy. Where would Banner or Cap be, and what would they do, if Rick Jones had not driven his jalopy into that restricted military zone during a gamma bomb test? And let’s face it. Without Rick, there wouldn’t even be a Teen Brigade. As for Toad, his overwhelming loyalty and devotion to Magneto is amply balanced by his complete lack of any other redeeming qualities. Though many Marvel readers of 1964 may well have over-identified with Rick Jones, or imagined themselves an unseen member of the Teen Brigade, I doubt anyone at any time has ever felt an affinity to Toad.

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SUB-PAR SUBORDINATES AWARD

Sometimes it seems the hero succeeds because his adversary isn’t always that adversarial. Super-villains, even those who are up to snuff, often employ an army of minions to do their dirty work. And nearly as often, those minions prove less than adequate.

In the category of Sub-Par Subordinates, the nominees are…

• The Enforcers, for their easy round-up and capture in Amazing Spider-Man #19

• Namor’s undersea army, who, in Fantastic Four #27, are easily juggled like so much fruit by the ever-lovin’ Thing

• The alien Air Force of Tales to Astonish #49 that Giant-Man lassos and twists around a skyscraper, like so much string played with by an adorable kitten

And the Award goes to…

Namor’s Undersea Army! Mostly because Thing just seems to be having too much fun.

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GLOATING ANTAGONIST AWARD

Not all antagonists are super-villains. Sometimes an antagonist is…just an antagonist. And if there’s one thing an antagonist can do well, it’s GLOAT. A good gloat can go a long way to escalate the dramatic enjoyment of any story. Let’s take a quick look at some of Marvel’s most boastful gloaters of 1964.

In the category of Gloating Antagonist, the nominees are…

• Hard-boiled Gen. “Thunderbolt” Ross

• High school bully Flash Thompson

• Media mogul J. Jonah Jameson

And the Award goes to…

Jameson, of course. Hands down. The example above is not the only time Jameson gloats about Spidey’s misfortune, but it may be the best (at least, so far). If you look up the word “gloat” in the dictionary, Jameson’s big stupid grin will be there, staring right back at you.

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MOST AUTOCRATIC ODIN MOMENT

Superheroes aren’t the only leaders in the Marvel Universe. Most notably, the Asgardian All-Father Odin rules with an ego and tenacity unlike any other in the known Universe. His commanding presence and no-nonsense approach to…well…everything, makes him worthy of his very own award.

So many to choose from! In the category of Most Autocratic Odin Moment the nominees are…

• In Journey Into Mystery #100, Odin’s denial of Thor’s petition to make Jane Foster an immortal

• From Avengers #7, the banishment of the Executioner and Enchantress to…of all places (gasp!) the planet Earth

• In Journey Into Mystery #108, the electrical storm pitched in a hissy-fit, when Thor does not immediately answer Odin’s summons

• The Journey Into Mystery #104 punishment of erring son Loki

• Odin’s angry banishment of Thor from Asgard depicted in a spectacular burst of yellow and black, in Journey Into Mystery #110

And the Award goes to…

Odin’s petty and overemotional reaction to his son basically not answering his cell phone. It’s okay to be annoyed when someone is ignoring you, but it is not okay to threaten harm which you can do as a result of your lofty political position.

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THE OLD-TIMERS AWARD, OR…MOST AGED AND DECREPIT

Popular wisdom suggests that with great age comes great wisdom, and the Marvel Universe is no exception to this trope. However, in an overwhelming desire to get the point across, some of Marvel’s wise ones are depicted as well past their expiration date.

In the category of Most Aged And Decrepit, the nominees are…

• The Ancient One, from Dr. Strange’s mystical side of the Marvel Universe. Even his name suggests he’s campaigning hard for the award!

• Aunt May, who actually appears more a grandmother than an aunt. No, make that a great… great grandmother!

• Odin, father of all!

All good choices!

But the Award goes to…

Aunt May! The Ancient One is a wizard, and he may in fact be really, really old, and Odin is probably hundreds, if not thousands of years old. As old as they are, both of them look pretty good! But how old is Aunt May? She’s Peter’s aunt, but she looks like his great, great grandmother. And she has no mystical powers or otherworldly influences; she’s just an ordinary human being, but she keeps on kicking. But you know what? For as old as she looks, she still gives a pretty good gumption speech.

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MOST CLUELESS SUPPORTING CAST MEMBER

Heroes are smart. We all know that. But sometimes the people those heroes surround themselves with are…to be kind…not so smart. In fact, there’s a disturbing trend in Marvel Comics of some supporting cast members presenting themselves as absolutely clueless.

But which one will take the prize? In the category of Most Clueless Supporting Cast Member, the nominees are…

• Betty Brant, who, in Amazing Spider-Man #14 frets about her high school beau Peter dating Hollywood starlets, when he’s actually out fighting Green Goblin and the Enforcers.

• And here’s Aunt May again! Isn’t she so quaint and clueless in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1?

• And then, you gotta love these Tales to Astonish #57 cops for their utter naiveté.

• Parents sometimes don’t really want to know what’s going on with their kids. Perhaps none so much as Mr. and Mrs. Grey in X-Men #5.

• Finally, in Journey Into Mystery #110, poor Jane Foster is just trying to get Donald Blake to take her out to dinner, when, unbeknownst to her…

And the Award goes to…

Yikes! It’s a tough choice, but I have to give this award to Mr. and Mrs. Grey. Betty is simply an insecure female letting her imagination run away with her, and Jane finds herself in a similar situation, dreaming of a candlelit dinner, rather than paying attention to the super-villain about to snatch her away. Of course, one generally doesn’t anticipate super-villains sliding in through an open window of your otherwise safe and secure place of employment, so I’ll give Jane a pass on this one. And speaking of employment, those cops are basically puffing out their chests and putting on their best machismo. All in a day’s work…right? As for Aunt May, in a way you can’t blame her for looking past Doc Ock’s ungainly arms, since he is, in fact, serving her coffee and danish, which under any other circumstances would constitute a rather charming host. But Jean’s parents…oh, Jean’s parents…they should know better. Really. I don’t care if it IS 1964. When your teenage daughter is the only girl in an otherwise all-boys school, and the headmaster is nowhere to be found, bells and whistles should be going off in your head. I don’t care how charmingly Professor X presented himself while recruiting young Jean for a “free scholarship” at his mysterious and exclusive school. There’s no excuse for believing high school classes are classified as Top Secret by the government. In fact, there’s no excuse for these parents thinking anything about their teenage daughter’s current situation is normal or OKAY.

Okay. I spent way too much time on that one. Let’s move on.

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BEST CAMEO

Who can resist a good cameo appearance? They usually come as a surprise, and don’t detract too much from the action. They’re just fun. When it comes to cameo appearances, 1964 did not fare as well as previous years, but let’s look at a few that are worth mentioning.

In the category of Best Cameo, the nominees are…

• A myriad of historical and mythical bad guys are summoned by Immortus in Avengers #10 to fight each Avenger

• In Fantastic Four #22, a police officer looks suspiciously like Officer Francis Muldoon from TV’s Car 54, Where Are You?

• And…ahhh! The ever-popular World’s Fair Globe, seen here in Strange Tales #123

And the Award goes to…

the mythical and historical figures of Avengers #10, for providing so many cameo appearances on such a frugal amount of newsprint. In the interest of getting more bang for your buck, you can’t beat the rapid-fire boom Boom BOOM of Paul Bunyan, Ghengis Khan, Goliath, Hercules and Merlin the Wizard.

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SUSPICIOUS MINDS

In 1969, Elvis Presley will sing about Suspicious Minds. You remember the song:

♪ We can’t go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can’t build our dreams
On suspicious minds… ♪

Yes, it is difficult to go on after suspicions have been aroused. Which makes me wonder where Marvel Comics is going with the following situations. Supporting cast members appear nearly on the verge of discovering the highly classified secrets of the most secretive superheroes.

In the category of Suspicious Minds, the nominees are…

• In Daredevil #3, Karen briefly ponders the similarity between superhero Daredevil and the red-headed attorney she has a crush on. Could it be…?

• Loyal employees Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan don’t exactly believe Iron Man when, in Tales of Suspense #59, he tells them boss Tony Stark left the office unexpectedly through a secret exit after an unexplained illness.

• And finally, Maj. Talbot and Gen. Ross seem to be on to something in Tales to Astonish #61…

The stage is set for future drama!

But for right now, the Award goes to…

Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan, for rightfully distrusting the mysterious Iron Man, who never reveals his identity, yet seems to know everything about Tony Stark. Kudos to the Marvel Bullpen, for conveying their level of misgivings by placing the doubts of their suspicious minds in sketchy “whisper balloons.”

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GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

And finally, we must sadly deal with the fact that not all supporting characters are granted a lifetime contract with Marvel Comics. In the interest of melodrama, a number of our fair friends have been stricken from the page. Stricken, I say, as in struck down, but not down and out, as they will always live in our memories.

In the category of Gone But Not Forgotten, let us pay tribute as we fondly recall the following who are no longer with us.

• In Tales of Suspense #52, Soviet scientist Anton Vanko sacrifices his life to prove his loyalty to his new nation, the good old USA.

• Dr. Franklin Storm also makes the supreme sacrifice in Fantastic Four #32, as he throws himself on a bomb, in order to save the lives of his children.

• And last but not least, who can forget the dearly departed mother of Doctor Doom, in Fantastic Four Annual #2?

And our final Award of the evening goes to…

Doom’s mother. Interestingly, she is not specifically pictured in any 1964 comic, but somehow that makes her case even stronger. Because she is gone, but not forgotten; she serves as the driving force behind all that motivates one of Marvel’s strongest villains. Had Victor von Doom’s mother not been murdered, perhaps he would have been able to recover from the unscrupulous death of his father. But instead, he finds himself alone in the world, a lonely and angry young boy, consumed with a desire for revenge. And because Doom’s mother dabbled in the dark arts, young Victor takes comfort in these activities as well. In fact, could we not say that young Doom inherited the tendency? Mother von Doom’s influence shall be felt well beyond the grave, as we move forward through 1964 and beyond, in the Marvel Universe.

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Well, that about wraps it up for this installment of the Marvelous Awards. But speaking of Doom and his villainous ways serves as the perfect segue for me to invite you back next week at this same time, as we delve deeper into the very best of the very worst of the Marvel Universe—the Super-Villain Awards! I’m sure that’s one you won’t want to miss, so until next time, have a simply MARVELOUS week!