TALES OF SUSPENSE #47: Toot That Horn!

Published: November, 1963

Published: November, 1963

“Iron Man Battles the Melter!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Steve Ditko
Inks: Don Heck
Letters: Sam Rosen

We recently watched an excellent documentary, “With Great Power,” about Stan Lee’s part in building the Marvel empire. Among other things, I learned that before comics were “told in the marvelous Marvel manner,” writers and illustrators often did not receive any credit. Since I’ve been reading Marvel from the early 1960’s, I’ve seen plenty of instances of the creators tooting their own horn. In FF #10, Stan and Jack actually feature themselves as characters in their own story! And now, on the cover of Tales of Suspense #47, the names Lee, Ditko and Heck are prominently displayed, “above the fold line.”

Turn the page, here’s the splash, and there are the creators’ names once again, at the top. Furthermore, on the splash we read that this 18-page EPIC is “Another great classic-to-be from the Marvel Age of Comics!” Boy, Stan sure did know how to sell it, didn’t he? If he excelsiorrealtyhadn’t been so good as a comic book writer, I’m sure he could have made a killing in real estate.

But getting to our st—excuse me, EPIC—we find that Tony Stark has recently exposed the shoddy production values of competitor Bruno Horgan, resulting in Horgan’s loss of government contracts. Even as Horgan vows revenge on Stark, he accidentally discovers a “melting beam.” Affixing the beam to the chestplate of a super-villain costume, he assumes the masked identity of the Melter, now ready to attack Stark’s plant.

Not only can the Melter destroy the military equipment coming out of Stark’s factory, putting Stark’s military contracts in jeopardy, but worse, Iron Man is absolutely useless against this metal-melting villain. “How can I fight him,” Iron Man wonders, “when I dare not face him?”

SECRET IDENTITY WOES
tos47doubtsI don’t know what terrifies Stark more—the loss of government contracts, or the possibility that the Melter may expose Iron Man’s identity. For some Marvel heroes, secret identity is no big deal. The FF revel in their celebrity, and later, Giant-Man and the Wasp will entertain members of their fan club. But Stark reasons that if he should be identified as the man behind the iron mask, it would be open season on Tony Stark.

What? Like it’s not already open season on Stark? Isn’t he one of the wealthiest men in the country? Wouldn’t he already have gobs of jealous haters, opportunists who speculate that kidnapping Tony Stark would be a good way to rake in a ton of ransom money? We don’t need to play the Iron Man card in order to peg billionaire industrialist playboy Tony Stark as “most likely to suffer harm at the hands of unscrupulous criminals.”

WHO’S GUARDING WHOM?
In his position, Stark ought to have a bodyguard. And he does have a bodyguard. No, I’m not talking about Iron Man. He recently hired Happy, former boxer, not only as chauffeur, but also as bodyguard. However, I’m not convinced Happy is doing such a bang-up job in either of those capacities. As for chauffeur, though, it’s hardly Happy’s fault. In this story, when Stark needs to hurry to Washington for a meeting, Happy happily offers the Rolls or the Jag, but Stark declines both, choosing instead to fly to the Capitol as Iron Man—faster, less traffic, and no chance of a flat tire. Happy rightly wonders what he’s supposed to be doing as a chauffeur.

tos47happypepperBut what of Happy’s bodyguarding duties? Where is Happy at the beginning of the story, when Stark is inspecting the damaged equipment at his plant, and the Melter first attacks? A bodyguard at this point would have been useful. But instead of guarding the boss, Happy is hanging out with Pepper Potts. In fact, we never see Happy unless Pepper is also in the picture. He’s always in her office, by her side. Sure, we understand he’s got a crush, but this is no excuse for shirking his duties. If Happy is a bodyguard, then Pepper Potts has nothing to worry about. The boss Tony Stark, though, doesn’t enjoy the same level of protection.

OUTSMART
Distressed by the confounding problem of how to beat a villain who can melt metal, Stark reasons that he still has the most powerful weapon known to man—A BRAIN—and the next time the Melter and Iron Man meet, the tables are turned. When the Melter cannot affect Iron Man, he runs away, confounded. Stark, of course, has tricked the Melter by wearing an “Iron Man” suit composed entirely of aluminum.

tos47getawayWith the Melter out of the way, production resumes at Stark Industries, but the question remains…was the Melter destroyed, or did he escape? “For,” Iron Man reasons, “if he ever should return, I may not be able to trick him this way again.”

Though the tale ends happily, with everyone getting back to business, I feel uneasy about the fate of the Melter. The last time we see him, he’s still alive. And with superheroes like Iron Man populating the Marvel universe, the Melter’s superpowers are too good to be used up in only one issue, even if it is an 18-page EPIC. My best guess? We’ll see this fellow again. However, I wonder if Stark will always be carrying a backup aluminum suit in his handy attaché, just in case the Melter makes an unexpected appearance.

tta49avatarSpeaking of the unexpected, an exciting new development awaits us next time in the Marvelous Zone. And unlike Stan’s bold horn-tooting in the early part of this issue, I can say without hyperbole that next time we meet, our hero is BIGGER and better than ever!

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MARVELOUS MOVIES: THOR: THE DARK WORLD (2013)

thor-the-dark-world-posterA long time ago, in this very same galaxy, I had the grand idea to write a mid-month Marvel movie review each and every month. Well, you know how things like that go. Real Life creeps in, and there simply isn’t enough time to do everything you want to do. Between this blog, our Dark Shadows podcast, and my newest obsession, Whimsieville (which, by the way, did you know? Whimsies are Marvel Comics fans too!), movie reviews have not been on the top of my priorities list. But I couldn’t let this one slip by without a murmur. So here we go!

Last night Russ and I had the privilege to be among the first people in the country to see the newest Marvel movie, Thor: The Dark World. I’m assuming we were among the first, because the official release date is today, November 8th, but our local theater was showing it last night at 8pm. Ignoring that old cliché about looking a gift horse in the mouth, we simply got our tickets, stood in line, sat down and enjoyed the show.

And I do mean enjoyed! I know I sound like a gushing fangirl, but honestly, as hard as I try, I can’t think of anything bad to say about this movie. Sequels sometimes suffer in the shadow of the original, but not so here. Unencumbered by the need to tell a backstory, we begin immediately with an ancient Asgardian legend (okay, that was kind of a “backstory”), but then pick right up with Jane Foster. It’s been two years since Thor left Jane, promising to return, and now, amid a plethora of strange occurrences involving shoes and automobiles, the two are reunited.

We spend the entire movie toggling back and forth between Asgard and Earth, with occasional pitstops at some of the less scenic locations in the Nine Realms. We’ve got a bit of pseudo-science going on here. Don’t try to understand it, just suspend your disbelief and enjoy the ride.

lokithorI’m not going to rehash the plot, because it would be difficult to do so without revealing spoilers, and I’m a big-time anti-spoiler girl. But I will tell you this much: a couple of times at least, your jaw will drop. Have fun.

For delightful continuity, all our old favorites are still with us—Jane’s intern Darcy is in fine comedic form, and Eric Selvig puts in more than an appearance (as he spends portions of the movie in various stages of undress). The stoic Odin the All-Father, Frigga (the All-Mother?), and Heimdall all have more to do this time around. And of course what would a Thor movie be without good ol’ Loki?

Oh, Loki! I know he’s the villain and I shouldn’t like him, but he’s so irresistibly mischievous! Some good sibling rivalry stuff goes on between him and Thor, and it’s well played. Yes, Loki is a villain, yet we feel for him, we care about him, we root for him and want things to turn out well for him. (Well, you might not, but I did.)

maleWhat’s new in this outing are the real villains, The Dark Elves, who most fervently desire to plunge the universe into darkness. They’re marvelously creepy-looking, espcially their leader, Malekith. I also appreciate that they don’t speak English, so we have to follow subtitles. Their voices are as disturbing as their appearance. Wouldn’t want to meet these guys in a dark alley.

asgardSome of the scenery is absolutely gorgeous, a far cry from the Rainbow Bridge as first depicted in Journey into Mystery #85. The entire film is drenched in EPIC, while at the same time stopping now and then to tell a joke or two. Top it all with a hefty dose of Romance with a capital R, and Thor: The Dark World has something for everyone.

one-does-not-simply-leave-a-marvel-movieAs we all know, one does not simply leave a Marvel movie before the end of the credits, but here’s a word of advice: REALLY, don’t leave before the end of the credits. There are two extra scenes, and you won’t have the full experience until the theater lights come back up.

Oh, and look for Stan the Man. Yep, he’s in here too, with good-humored self-deprecation, enjoying himself as usual.

Word is that in a couple of weeks, the Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD TV show is going to reference something from this theatrical release. I can’t wait to see how that’s all going to tie together. And if you call yourself a fan of the Marvel Universe, even to the slightest degree, no matter how busy you are, put Real Life on hold for a couple of hours and run, don’t walk, to your local theater to see Thor: The Dark World.

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Meanwhile…: October, 1963

FANTASTIC FOUR #19

ff19“Prisoners of the Pharoah[sic]!”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Dick Ayers
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
The Four travel to ancient Egypt in Doctor Doom’s abandoned time machine, seeking a fabled cure for Alicia’s blindness. Turns out Pharaoh Rama-Tut is a time-traveler, with a ray gun that saps their will. When Thing reverts to Ben Grimm, he grabs the gun, and eventually all are restored, but Rama-Tut escapes in his time machine. A huge vial of radioactive “Optic Nerve Restorative” cannot make the trip back to the present, but Alicia appreciates their efforts, and above all, is glad they’re all safe.

WHAT’S HOT
♫…K-I-S-S-I-N-G…♫ In the very first panel of the story, Johnny suggests Thing and Alicia might elope. Guess things are getting serious for the one who can’t see and the one who looks best unseen.

CHRONOLOGY PART 1. Reed is intrigued by a gap in ancient Egyptian history. He reminds me of my sweetie, Russ, who strives to provide a complete chronology of the Marvel Universe.

CHRONOLOGY PART 2. The gang travels to Doom’s destroyed castle, which was blown up over a year ago in FF #5. How convenient that the events of that story provide an opportunity for this story! Now there’s chronology at work!

THE RESTLESS DESPOT. I absolutely love Rama-Tut explaining why he left the comfort and security of the future: “I come from the glorious age of enlightenment, the century of peace and progress…the ultimate in civilization and culture! AND I HATED IT!” Jeez! Some people are never happy…

THING’S INFLUENCE. The way the ancient Egyptians see it: “The monstrous one has the strength of a thousand demons!” Yeah! And he looks like one too!

PLAYING WITH HISTORY, PART 1. Rama-Tut’s time machine is the Sphinx. Hey, when you’re writing comic books, you can take any historical liberties you want.

PLAYING WITH HISTORY, PART 2. Wait!! Is Rama-Tut the descendent of Doctor Doom? And if so, is he too good a character to only appear once?

WHAT’S NOT
HOW’S THAT SPELT? Once again, (as we recently saw in Tales of Suspense #44) the word pharaoh is misspelled “p h a r o a h.”

WHO’S THERE? Reed as a peeping Tom, stretching downwards from the top of the building to look into Alicia’s window is just…well…CREEPY…

BANG BANG. According to Rama-Tut’s account of the future, two thousand years from now, they’ll still be making Westerns. Ugh. Not my favorite genre. Even if I might get to watch it in “3-D stereovision.”

HELLO!! REMEMBER ME??
As the story begins, I’m thinking, “Why don’t they take Alicia with them into the past, since she’s the one they’re trying to help?” Then, as the story ends, I’m thinking, “Ah ha! Now I understand.”

If they had brought Alicia with them, perhaps they could have administered the potion in ancient Egypt, and the effects may have remained with her as she traveled back to 1963. And if they didn’t, perhaps Alicia and Thing could remain in ancient Egypt, where she has her sight, he enjoys periodic sunbaths as Ben Grimm, and the rest of the time, they can rule the land together. After all, with the departure of Rama-Tut in his time machine, and Thing’s reputation as “the monstrous one with the strength of a thousand demons,” he might be a shoo-in for the recently vacated position of all-powerful Pharaoh.

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JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #97

jim97“The Mighty Thor Battles the Lava Man”
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Don Heck
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Don tries to express his feeling for Jane, but things don’t go well. As Thor, he agonizes over Odin’s refusal to allow him to marry her. In Asgard, Loki realizes that the time to strike is now, and he raises the Lava Man from the volcanic pits to the surface. Thor snaps out of his funk long enough to battle the Lava Man and send him back to the center of the earth. Blake returns to his office, eager to patch things up with Jane, but it’s too late. She’s decided that Don Blake is not the guy for her, and goes to work for another doctor.

WHAT’S HOT
SOAP. I love that Lava Man is merely the window dressing. Insert any garden-variety easily-defeated villain as Thor’s distraction, and the reason for this tale still stands: the battle is not against Lava Man, it’s Thor’s inner tug-of-war between duty and love.

LANGUAGE. Always poetic Thor describes Loki’s laughter as “sinister chortles,” and considers Lava Man “a foe worthy of my mettle.” And just in case Odin doesn’t realize how serious he is about Jane Foster, Thor presents his petition as “I CRAVE permission to marry a mortal.”

WHAT’S NOT
ILLITERATE VILLAIN. Thor’s poetic prose sounds even more flowery when pitted against Lava Man’s “Your words is as futile as your deeds.” Oh, really? IS they now? Sounds to me like Lava Man’s been taking speech lessons from the Hulk. In addition to dismissing the surface-dwellers as “puny humans,” and referring to Thor as “the costumed one,” he also emotes one very strong, expressive “Bah!

ALL THE BETTER TO SEE YOU WITH? When Odin appears at Thor’s bidding, he’s wearing spectacles. Did Thor interrupt him in the middle of a good book…or perhaps balancing his checkbook?

OH, SPOILT ONE! Disappointed that Odin does not grant permission to marry Jane Foster, Thor whines, “He has never refused me before!” This sounds like a spoiled brat who’s used to always getting his own way.

PRIORITIES, PLEASE? It’s appalling that Thor would even CONSIDER giving up his godhood for romantic love. Yes, I know history and literature are adrift in such nonsense, but…c’mon! This is THOR, man! He’s a GOD. Right? I don’t know about you, but I hold my gods to a higher standard.

THAT WOLF! When Jane announces she’s going to work for Doctor Basil Andrews, Blake exclaims, “That wolf who has always tried to date you!” Oh…so is that what wolves do? They try to get dates…?

DON’T FORGET TO ALLITERATE! Stan often used alliteration as a way to remember the first and last names of his huge cast of characters (Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, etc). Here Dr. Andrews’ given name is Basil when Jane mentions him on page 6, but during his cameo appearance on the last page, he’s referred to as Dr. BRUCE Andrews! Was a Hulk story also in the works at the same time? Maybe Stan should have reached into his bag of tricks and called that wolf Dr. ANDREW Andrews.

ROMANTIC CONFUSION
At one point, it becomes crystal clear that both Blake and Jane are aware they have the hots for each other, even though neither will say so. “I think I know what it is that you’re trying to say,” Jane tells Blake, and he responds, “Oh Jane…my darling…” That’s good enough for me…how about you?

Clearly, they like each other. Now, I understand Thor won’t go against his father’s wishes, but what’s up with Jane? She tells Blake, “I know how I feel about you…and…I won’t take the chance…of saying ‘yes’ to a man who is too weak to speak his mind.” Huh?? So she likes him…but she doesn’t want to like him? Hey! I’m a girl, and this drivel doesn’t make sense to me.

Jane has no idea how romance works. At the end of the story, when she appears with Dr. Andrews’ arm around her shoulder, she chides Blake with, “A woman wants a MAN…not a timid mouse! And so, I’m leaving…” and Andrews adds, “Don’t worry, Blake—you’ll find another nurse!” And I’m left shaking my head, because I’m not sure all the characters are on the same page. Are we discussing romantic love…or employment? Jane seems to be confusing the two, and Andrews, “that wolf,” is happily playing right along.

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STRANGE TALES #113

st113“The Coming of the Plantman!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: Joe Carter
Art: Dick Ayers
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
A freak lightning strike gives a bitter gardener the power to control all plant life. With dreams of conquering the world, Plantman begins by commanding the shrubbery to subdue the Human Torch. However, in the end, Torch uses his firepower to drain moisture from all the plants, which then attack their unbearable master.

In other news, Johnny courts Doris Evans, who is not a fan of the Human Torch and has no problem saying so.

WHAT’S HOT
“PLANTS OUTNUMBER PEOPLE BY THE BILLIONS.” There’s a good idea for a villain here—Man Vs. Nature, that kind of thing. In the right hands, controlling all plant life could be a truly awesome and terrifying superpower. However, I was neither awestruck nor terrified by the nameless gardener who dubs himself “Plantman.” He doesn’t seem very intelligent, focused or organized.

First of all…Plantman? Really? He couldn’t come up with a better name than that? Then he jumps right into “Today the city, tomorrow the world!” without a clear-cut plan of how to accomplish it, other than “Destroy Torch!!” I hope Marvel will revisit this idea, tantalizing us with an overzealous horticulture professor who’s nursing an obsessive concern for the environment…rather than a common gardener who’s pissed off because he got fired.

WHAT’S NOT
DORIS EVANS. The cover invites us to “Meet the Torch’s newest girl friend, lovely Doris Evans!” A mention on the cover makes me wonder if she’s going to be around for a while. I hope not. What a pill! Doris is cold, insulting (calls Torch a “fiery nitwit”), and unappreciative of Johnny’s special talents.

What does he see in her? Well, he himself has to admit, if she “wasn’t so doggone pretty…” Dot dot dot…So I guess Doris is supposed to be attractive, though you would never know it from Dick Ayers art. Still, even if she was a looker, there are plenty of beautiful babes who wouldn’t mind getting hot and heavy with Torch. Why doesn’t he hook up with one of them? Or would that be too easy? After all, he is a superhero…maybe he can’t resist a good challenge?

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TALES OF SUSPENSE #46

tos46“Iron Man Faces the Crimson Dynamo!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: Robert Berns
Art: Don Heck
Letters: Art Simek

IN A NUTSHELL
Russian scientist Professor Vanko dons his Crimson Dynamo armor to destroy Tony Stark’s industrial plants across America. When he and Iron Man meet at Stark’s main facility, the two battle until Stark deceives Vanko with a doctored recording of the Russian “leader” planning to kill him. Not really deceptive, though—turns out those were the leader’s intentions exactly! Stark persuades Vanko to defect and offers him an upper-level management position at Stark Industries.

WHAT’S HOT
LOYALTY. Both Pepper and Happy agree to stick with Tony, even when the chips are down. We’re seeing the beginnings of a strong supporting cast.

DEFECTION. Now that Vanko has defected, maybe the “Crimson” in his uniform could represent not Communism, but…a newfound obsession with Alabama’s college football team, the Crimson Tide??

WHAT’S NOT
OVERSTATING THE CASE. Yeah, we all know that Commies are no-good-niks, but this story’s portrayal of the unnamed Russian leader is over the top. Fat, ugly, self-centered, deceitful, insulting, and viciously ambitious—he MUST have a little doggie at home that he showers with kisses and generous helpings of pirogies and paskha, because nobody could possibly be this evil without wearing a costume. I wonder if the readers of the day felt the same.

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TALES TO ASTONISH #48

tta48“Ant-Man and the Wasp Defy the Porcupine!”
Plot: Stan Lee
Script: H.E. Huntley
Art: Don Heck
Letters: Sam Rosen

IN A NUTSHELL
Hank designs a burglar-proof security system for a new bank, but he doesn’t count on disgruntled scientist Alex Gentry, who uses a weaponized porcupine suit to rob the bank. Ant-Man sets out to capture Porcupine, but he’s trapped in a slippery tub of water. The Wasp rallies the ants for a rescue, then they all work together to clog the Porcupine’s quills with liquid cement. However, the Porcupine manages to escape and vows to strike again.

WHAT’S HOT
PORCUPINE?? On the cover we read that the “Dreaded Porcupine” is “a super-villain you’ll never forget!” Perhaps, but we may be remembering him for all the wrong reasons. When Gentry reviews inventory for his new super-villain identity, the inclusion of “liquid cement” reminds me way too much of Paste Pot Pete, so I can’t take him seriously. But Gentry’s description of a porcupine as “nature’s perfect fighting machine…that WEARS its weapons” really does make sense, if you think about it. So goofy as the whole idea seems, I’m going thumbs up on this one.

LIGHT BANTERING. The narrator begins by noting “light bantering,” between the leads, and we later see some cute moments at the bank opening, when under-the-weather Janet chides Henry with “Stop sounding so much like a…a husband!” and “I thought you were going to hold my hand, but I see you only wanted to feel my pulse!” We end the story with Henry providing medicine, but Janet is mad it’s not “Furs…jewelry…or perhaps…a RING??” These two seem to be getting quite comfortable in their unique, if sometimes uneasy, relationship.

BE MY GUEST! The “guest room, behind the lab” looks bigger than our entire house.

WHAT’S NOT
AND THE NAME OF OUR STORY IS… On the cover, we’re promised “Ant-Man and the Wasp Battle the Porcupine,” but as soon as we turn the page, it’s “Ant-Man and the Wasp DEFY the Porcupine.” Not really a big deal, because from the outset we’re certain our little heroes will both battle and defy the villain, but it would be nice to have some consistency. I mean, how would you feel if you bought the Dickens classic A Tale of Two Cities, and when you turned to the first page saw that you were about to read “A Story of Two Cities”? It’s not a biggie, but still, it’s easy enough to get it right…so why not?

WISHY WASHY. As Gentry introduces us to his porcupine suit, he muses that he thinks it’s the ultimate in weaponry. Huh?? Shouldn’t super villains be supremely confident?? To be fair, six panels later he’s convinced he’s about to become the king of the criminal world. So he may start slow, but eventually he catches on.

INCONSPICUOUS? Sure, the Porcupine has an arsenal at his disposal, but in that get-up, how can he ever make the first move? He’s hardly inconspicuous. Even in an overcoat, he’s too likely to be mistaken for the Thing, and be hounded for autographs.

EMPTY PROMISES. Pym builds a bank vault that is supposedly burglar-proof, but a guy in a costume breaks in before the bank president can finish his opening speech. I wouldn’t hire Henry Pym as head of my Security Innovations department, any time soon.

FOCUS. As the Porcupine pulls more and more bank robberies, he grows concerned that Ant-Man and the Wasp might soon be on his trail. Why does he not worry about the FF, or Spider-Man, or Thor or Iron Man? Are these little guys the only superheroes in town?

NORMAL FEVER? When Janet recovers from her illness, the narrator expresses it as “her fever normal again.” Are there normal fevers and abnormal fevers?

CAN ANTS SWIM? Why would Ant-Man be in peril in the bathtub? It’s described as “slippery,” which would explain why he can’t get out, but why can’t he stay afloat?

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Posted in Ant-Man, Fantastic Four, Human Torch, Iron Man, Meanwhile, Strange Tales, Tales of Suspense, Tales to Astonish, Thor, Wasp | 1 Comment

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #5: Doomed!!!…Or Not….

Published: October, 1963

Published: October, 1963

“Marked for Destruction by Dr. Doom!”
Script: Stan Lee
Art: Steve Ditko
Letters: Sam Rosen

On the cover, Doctor Doom challenges Spider-Man with “If the Fantastic Four could not stop me, what chance have YOU?” And that’s a good point. Spider-Man alone obviously doesn’t possess the collected talents of “the world’s most fabulous super-team!” (And by the way, even though we’ve just met the X-Men and the newly-formed Avengers, the FF are still “the world’s MOST fabulous super-team!”) Looking at this cover, readers must be thinking, “Oh boy! How is Spidey ever gonna get out of this one?” It would appear our hero is (pardon me…) DOOMED from the start.

Of course, reason quickly sets in, and we know he’ll find some way to overcome the odds. If he doesn’t actually defeat Doom, he can at least cause the super-villain to beat a hasty retreat, exclaiming as he glances over his shoulder, “I shall NEVER suffer the humiliation of being captured by the likes of YOU!!” (FF#17).

So, even though we can pretty much guess how this turns out, now we want details!

HOT ***AND*** NOT
I began writing this entry in my “Hot & Not” format, but quickly realized that every “Hot” was tempered by a “Not,” and every “Not” had an element of “Hot” within it. There’s so much going on beneath the surface of this little story that distilling it all down to black and white simply didn’t work.

asm5flashDoctor Doom contacts Spider-Man in hopes their partnership can lead to the destruction of the FF. Spidey refuses, but when Flash disguises himself in a Spider-Man outfit, Doom captures and threatens to kill him, unless the FF disband. Spider-Man comes to the rescue, as do the FF, and Doom escapes again.

Well, that was easy, wasn’t it? Not so fast, my friend! What about:

THE SOCIALIZATION OF THE NERD
I was pleased to see Peter out with the “gang” at the bowling alley. The boy needs some socialization! However, Flash Thompson takes advantage of this opportunity to ridicule Peter in front of his peers, making some crack about a knitting club and calling him a “pantywaist.” Seems Peter just can’t win!

Or can he?

BUDDING ROMANCE?
Can love be on the horizon for our poor, misunderstood hero? Seems there’s someone out there who does understand and appreciate Peter’s efforts as Spider-Man. When J. Jonah Jameson’s secretary Betty Brant mentions that people think Jameson may be jealous of Spider-Man, Peter takes notice. And later, Betty tells Peter she thinks HE’S “wonderful.”

asm5bettyThis reads like a budding romance, but is it entirely appropriate? After all, Peter is a minor, still in high school, and Betty is obviously an “older woman.” She’s probably only a couple of years out of secretarial school, though it’s hard to determine her age, based on her hairstyle and outfit. Personally, she reminds me way too much of my third grade teacher, who was neither young nor pretty.

But whatever Betty’s age, we must ask the question: Is it proper for the secretary of the publisher of a major metropolitan newspaper to be batting her eyes at a high school stringer? Does she not value her job? Or is she only using her position in Jameson’s organization as a stepping stone to find a husband? And if so…why is she flirting with some nerdy high school kid?

SOME OF THE LANGUAGE IN HERE JUST SLAYS ME
Early on, Doom refers to the FF as “that accursed quartet.” How poetic! Later, he calls Spider-Man “My impetuous friend,” and “You brazen fool!” He also accuses Spider-Man of having “insipid antagonists.” Stan must have been writing this with The Collected Works of William Shakespeare on one side, and a thesaurus on the other.

Of course, not to be outdone, Spider-Man fights back by calling Doom “Tin-Head” and “Rustpot.” Well…he’s just a kid. He’s doing the best he can.

ED SULLIVAN
topogigioCultural reference alert! Aunt May watches The Ed Sullivan Show, featuring a juggling act and “a chorus from some Midwestern college.” Remember Ed Sullivan? Sure, it was a “Really Big Shew!” with an occasional stroke of genius, like Elvis Presley, the Beatles, and even Topo Gigio! But if you ask me, far too much time was spent on jugglers and choruses.

NOBLE HERO?
I found it interesting that when Peter hears the Spider-Man-wannabe that Doom has captured is Flash Thompson, his gut reaction is, “What a break for me!” For a moment, he revels in the possibility of an existence where Flash is not constantly calling him a pantywaist. But it’s a lot more complicated than that. What he actually says is, “And Flash Thompson will never bother Peter Parker again!” At this point, he’s thinking of himself in the third person, as any good super-villain would do. But a moment later, the angel on his shoulder chimes in, and he decides, “The real Spider-Man will have to go into action.”

asm5twosideThe split face is particularly effective, showing the Peter side of his personality with an almost diabolical expression, while the Spidey side radiates positive energy. Peter may want Flash dead, but SPIDER-MAN is the noble hero who’s not going to let that happen.

CHECK YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR
As noble as Spider-Man may be, you know he has a gigantic ego. On the roof of Doctor Doom’s lair, he reflects that ONLY HE is capable of slithering down the air vent. But wait just a minute there, Spidey! Mr. Fantastic could certainly do the same, and with greater dexterity! We don’t actually see Mr. Fantastic slithering down the vent. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t; I don’t know. However, I would like to have seen that. Or…maybe not. Read on.

ARTISTIC DEPICTION…?
We spend most of the story being teased about a potential appearance by the Fantastic Four. First we see the Baxter Building, then the Fantasti-Car, and finally Thing’s hand reaching out to grab Peter from just outside the panel. I was starting to think we were never actually going to see the Four (sort of like Tim’s neighbor Wilson, in Home Improvement), but then… we turn the page… and THERE they are…

And what a let-down. >sigh< Let’s just say, it’s obvious Steve Ditko is not the usual artist for the Fantastic Four. UNMASKED…OR NOT?
asm5doomIt’s relatively easy for any artist to do a fair rendition of Doctor Doom, since he’s all cape and metal. The most human feature we ever see on Doom is a furtive glance of the eyes. We occasionally get some expression in his mouth as well, and Ditko does a good job here, as we see Doom trying to convince Spidey that they are birds of a feather.

When our hero disagrees, Doom turns to Plan B: kidnap Spider-Man. Since he actually kidnaps Flash Thompson, it doesn’t matter whether or not he unmasks the fellow. I guess Doom, with his infinite resources, is not interested in J. Jonah Jameson’s hefty $1,000 reward for the true identify of Spider-Man. He’ll be able to pay the rent without it.

Still, I find it curious that Doom himself is not curious about who’s been causing him all this grief. In his defense, we could say that Doom is a villain of singular purpose: as long as the Fantastic Four are knocked out of commission, he doesn’t care what else is going on in the world of superheroes and super-villains.

But…c’mon! He must be at least a little curious! I mean, if he’s such a brilliant scientific mind, why doesn’t he possess even the slightest bit of curiosity about Spider-Man’s identity? He should at least make sure Spider-Man isn’t actually the Mayor’s son, or one of President Kennedy’s numerous brothers! That kind of information would surely be worth something in the world of super villainy.

GENEROSITY… OR STRATEGY?
I can’t leave without taking at least one jab at J. Jonah Jameson. As I’ve mentioned, the publication mogul offers $1,000 for anyone who can disclose Spider-Man’s identity. Wooooo! Did you say ONE… THOUSAND… DOLLARS??? Okay, I know it’s only 1963, so money was worth a lot more than it is now, but even then, that’s a measly amount, coming from the publisher of Now magazine AND the Daily Bugle. What’s that all about? Is he really such a cheapskate? Or is there perhaps a method to his madness?

I propose that Jameson is keeping the reward low because he doesn’t actually want to learn who’s behind the mask. If the secret is revealed, it may reduce the “advantage to keep pounding away at that corny costumed clown!” How many newspapers can he sell, once the story has been told? How will he keep them coming back for more?

So what do you think? Is Jameson really that clever? Hmmm….Let me think about this…just one moment….nahhh. I take it back. He’s really just a cheapskate.

tos47avatarBut there’s nothing cheap about our next tale, when metal melts and the preservation of secrecy is worth its weight in gold. It’s going to be a doozy! So join me next time, right here in the Marvelous Zone!

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